Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Monday, April 10, 2006

Worst. Tradition. EVER!!!

I'd Rather Hear Fingernails On A Chalkboard

So, I'm sitting down last night to get my weekly dose of the Sopranos on HBO. Kind of a slow start to the season, I'm thinking. Maybe I'm just not into dream sequences and hospital dramas.

This week's episode revolved around the wedding of one of Johnny Sac's daughters. When the time for the wedding reception arrived, I waited to see if they would be civilized and polite, or continue to perpetrate one of the most revolting "traditions" that's developed in American weddings.

I was severely disappointed to see that yes, indeed, on what for many people is the most important day in their lives, the bovine bride choose to celebrate the occasion by smearing wedding cake all over the groom's face.

Words really don't describe the depths of my white-hot burning hatred towards this "tradition". Yes, marriages are a joyful occasion. Doesn't mean we slip a whoopee cushion under old Aunt Mildred, or drop a little LSD into the champagne punch just to liven things up. The bride and groom are supposed to feed each other a bite of cake to symbolize their commitment to provide for each other.

If you're willing to smear cake & icing all over the person you've just promised to love, HONOR!!! & cherish in front of all your relatives, it just doesn't bode well for the rest of the marriage, IMHO. It's inappropriate, undignified, shows a fundamental lack of respect, and is just a tacky and classless thing to do.

So, Mrs. El Capitan, wherever you may be, I'm putting you on notice! You want seafoam green cummerbunds and ties on the groomsmen to match the bridesmaids dresses? Fine. Insist on inviting your Yankee kinfolk? I can deal with it. However.... Slam a piece of wedding cake across my face, and I. WILL. WALK!! Next stop, the courthouse for an immediate annulment. Just see if I'm bluffing.