Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Neighborhood News

Well, My Calendar's Full Now!

I can't believe I haven't been checking out some of the online community calendars! I went looking for news about this gathering of some pro-PLO knuckleheads downtown, and found the motherlode of off-the-wall Houston events.

Check these out:

Rally for Peace & Justice for Palestine
Federal Building - Downtown (400 Rusk)
July 28, 2006 , 3:00pm
Peaceful rally to: Protest U.S. policies towards the human crises and the injustice facing the Palestinians & heighten public awareness of the political and humanitarian plight of the Palestinian people and the need for peace and stability in the region
Rally at 400 Rusk: Federal Building - Downtown Sponsored by The Alliance for Peace & Justice for Palestine Contact: 713-524-6615

Would it be bad if I showed up and pelted them with matzoh balls and gefilte fish?

Singles Mixer for African American Professionals
Mia Bella
July 28, 2006 , 5:30pm to 8:00pm
Singles Mixer for African American single professionals. 2006 Lexington off I-59 and S. Shepherd. 5:30-8pm. Appetizers included. $20/appetizers included. Cash bar with drink specials.

Ladies of Elegance All White Party/Fundraiser
Club Stilettos
July 29, 2006 , 8:00pm to 2:00am
Ladies of Elegance invites you to an All White Party & Fundraiser @ Club Stillettos

I can't believe these two items were right next to each other...

Run For Life 5K Run/Walk
Pasadena, TX
July 29, 2006 , 7:30am to 10:30am
5K Run/Walk in Pasadena beginning at 3900 Spencer Hwy (intersection of Burke and Spencer Hwy) benefiting the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society Register online at, search for "Run For Life" in Pasadena, TX
Cost $20.00

Next, we travel up to the Greenspoint Gunpoint Mall area for the Run FOR Your Life event.

Sunday Matchmakers Brunch
Mia Bella
August 6, 2006 , 12:00pm
Location: Mia Bella, 2006 Lexington, Houston, TX 77098 Meet Nina & Andrea and hear tips for dating effectively! $45person, includes bottomless mimosas.
Cost $45.00

After enough of our bottomless mimosas, we'll all get nekkid in a pile, and solve that pesky urge for dating.

29th anniversary of the passing of Elvis
XXXX Pine Flats Dr. Houston, Tx 77095
August 12, 2006 , 11:30am
A diverse group of Elvis fans in Houston will have their own party to remember the King. A display of collectibles, art, photography as well as a Luau-party with Polynesian dancers. Vietnamese Elvis tribute artist, Johnny Elvis will perform for the fans.

Oh... mah... ghod...

Radiesse Dermal Filler Day
Longevity Centre of Houston
August 12, 2006 , 9:00am to 2:00pm
Radiesse Open House - injectable filler for facial sculpting and nose correction. Open House special includes free touch up. 2951 Chimney Rock Rd., Suite A Houston TX 77056
Cost $800.00

$800? For $250, I'll slap a needle on my caulking gun and fill ya full of silicon.

Back to School Happy Hour for Educators
Mia Bella
August 17, 2006 , 5:30pm to 8:00pm
Back to School Happy Hour for College Staff & Faculty at Mia Bella, 2006 Lexington off I-59 and S. Shepherd. 5-8pm. Design your own pasta dish special! Mention this ad and get a free tiramasu for dessert, for educators only!

Drink up, it's another year of taking shit from those little bastards.

NSHP Houston Job Fair
Westin Galleria Hotel Houston Texas
August 24, 2006 , 10:00am to 3:00pm
The National Society for Hispanic Professionals is coming to Houston with a free Job Fair oriented to Hispanic and bilingual professionals. Dress professionally, bring resume and be prepared to be interviewed.

Once we fill our affirmative action quota, the good companies are outta here. For the rest of you, your nametag and paper hat and/or flannel shirt and leafblower will be issued as you leave.

Sista' II Sista' Conference 2006
Crown Plaza Hotel Brookhollow 290 & Pinemont
September 16, 2006 , 10:00am to 3:00pm
Conference for women of all ages, colors, and creeds. It's a Spiritual Healing Clinic - you don't want to miss it.
Cost $30.00

I don't want to miss it?? Oh, I beg to differ...

Elves & More Bicycle Ball
Hyatt Regency--Downtown Houston
September 30, 2006 , 7:00pm
This event benefits Elves & More, a (501c3) charity organized "to help children get out of poverty." The Bicycle Ball is a major fundraiser for these programs.

So, rich people in evening wear get loaded on cocktails, and some poor kids get a box of school supplies and a can of tunafish. One lucky sprog gets a secondhand Schwinn. Oh, there's a great plan.

Houston SPCA Pet Loss Support Group
Houston SPCA - 900 Portway Drive
December 5, 2006 , 7:00pm to 8:00pm
The Houston SPCA Pet Loss Support Group provides a professionally facilitated environment for people to grieve the end of a relationship with their special friend. The group meets at the Houston SPCA the first Tuesday of every month at 7 p.m.

You had better only go to one of these. I shudder to think about the people that come back month after month.

Recovery, Inc. - Self-Help Mental Health Group
Memorial Drive Presbyterian Church, Room 205
December 18, 2006 , 7:30pm
11612 Memorial Drive at Blalock/Fondren
Cognitive/behavioral techniques to help manage and control nervous symptoms and fears.
Cost $3.00

Psychoactive drugs? Not for me! Professional help? Pshaw! I can lick this pesky schizophrenia on my own! Hey, who are you? Quit pointing that mind control laser at me! I'm out of tinfoil! I'll kill you, you filthy commie spy!! AAAAGGH!!!!

2nd Annual Houston BBW Cruise 11/11/06-11/17/06
Houston, TX
July 23, 2006 through November 1, 2006, 12:00am to 12:00am
7 day cruise- Playa Del Carmen, Cozumel, Belize & Progresso.
Large Ladies & Admirers.$469 inside/ $550 oceanview pp $250 dep is all that is required at this time. Balance due in of August.

Um, I've seen those rooms on cruise ships. Saying they're small ain't doing them justice. Thin people get jammed up in those things. Look, go chase a chubby if ya gotta, just be aware, she ain't showered in a week, 'cause she can't get into the bathroom.

2006 Prophetic Conference
Crossroads Cathedral Church
July 26, 2006 through July 28, 2006, 7:00pm
These 3 nights promise to be an amazing time of worship, equipping and releasing of . . . "A DOUBLE PORTION"!
Love, R.L. and Deborah Simmons, Conference Hosts.

I prophesize I'll stay far away from this event. I'll be having a double portion of...LIQUOR AND WHORES!! Love, El Capitan.

The Alpha Conference
Christ United Methodist Church
July 31, 2006 through August 1, 2006, 8:00am to 4:00pm
3300 Austin Parkway Sugarland, TX
Alpha is a 10 week practical introduction to the Christian faith. Bring your team and learn this groundbreaking approach to reach the unchurched.

Ummm.. the Jehovah's Witnesses and the Mormons have that door-knocking thing pretty much figured out by now. Thanks, anyway.

Ice Hockey Tournament
Sugarland Ice Center
August 11, 2006 through August 13, 2006, 7:00pm to 11:00am
All-Women's Ice Hockey team will be playing against their male counterparts in an ice hockey tournament in Sugarland, Aug. 11-13. We're currently recruiting women in Houston area to play ice hockey.

P.S.: Please be a large dyke that really hates men.