Dysfunctional Chairs???

Lo, The Bureacracy Continues, Unabated By Reason Or Logic!

You just can't make this stuff up. Top-flight comedy writers would have to stretch their brains to be able to generate the stuff that oozes naturally out of a municipal bureacracy.

Witness for yourselves... this is an active policy in one of The Man's departments. I reproduce this document verbatim, bad grammar and awkward phrasing intact, though some department ID's and dates have been changed to avoid this pointing back to me too closely.

I imagine some chucklehead wrangled a promotion out of this gem...

Realm Of The Man
Department Of Sloth & Confusion
Dept. Policy #XX-0X
Effective Date: XX/XX/XX

Purpose:
To establish guidelines for allocation and requisition of chairs in the Sloth & Confusion Department.

Background:
The optimum goal in the selection of chairs is to provide comfort and facilitate task-oriented performance. However, in the past most chairs have been selected with appearance as the top priority. The main consideration for the selection of chairs should be the individual's task requirements, workplace surroundings and the adjustability of the chair. The chair is the foundation for a productive and comfortable work environment. The most important aspect for all managers is to appropriate sufficient funding in the budget line item (Furniture & Fixtures - No. XXXX) for any chair purchases.

Existing Chairs
If there is an unassigned chair appropriate for a particular job task (within a division), that chair will be assigned to the individual requesting a chair. If there is an appropriate, available chair within a different division in the department, a memo from Division Manager requesting the chair transfer will be submitted to the original chair assigned Division Manager or Assistant Director for approval. The requesting division manager will also submit a copy of the approved memo to the Departmental Fixed Asset Coordinator (DFAC), to complete the transaction.

All chairs that are broken, dysfunctional or non-utilized must be sent to Surplus & Salvage. The established Administrative Procedure, A.P. No. X-X, Subject - Transfer and Disposal of Surplus Material Equipment (excluding City owned vehicles) and Confiscated Property, shall be followed by all departments. The (DFAC) shall receive a copy of the prepared and approved Beancounter and Bureaucrat Department (B&B 097) Form, request for transfer of City-owned items.


New Chairs
To initiate the purchase of new chairs for any employee in the Sloth & Confusion Department, all appropriate, available chairs must be utilized. The purchase of new chairs will need sufficient funding in budget line item (Furniture & Fixtures - No. XXXX) for any chair allocation approval. To requisition a new chair, the Safety Section of the Risk Management Division must be notified, and a chair evaluation performed for the individual requesting new chair. If a new chair os approved, the current Realm of The Man contract vendor will be contacted (for appointment fitting) to set an appointment for fitting with the individual requesting new chair. If chair cannot be requisitioned under the current contract because of medical requirements (prescription must be submitted and evaluated by the Medical Advisor), time weighted average [not to exceed the equivalent of a single shift forty (40) hour work week] or size issues, (individual over 250 lbs.), a compatible vendor will be located by the Safety Section.

If there are any questions concerning this matter please contact the Risk Management Division's Safety Section.

I think I need a new chair. Mine's just too dysfunctional. It drinks entirely too much, and beats up on the coat rack and the lateral file cabinet. I'm pretty sure it date-raped the receptionist's couch last week before passing out in the Supplies closet.