Breaking News From Hell

If You Lose, The Devil Gets Your Soul...

Damned shame, really... no pun intended.

The Eternal Torch
Lake of Fire, Hell
Dee Munn, Reporter

His Infernal Majesty Satan announced at a press conference this morning that the rumors of a new arrival in the Ancient Burning Plague Pit were true.

"Georgia Johnny", the subject of the Charlie Daniels Band song "The Devil Went Down To Georgia" was admitted to Hell yesterday upon his death from acute cirrhosis of the liver and complications from emphysema.

"It was a typical Hollywood deal." remarked Satan. "He got some points on the front end, some bragging rights, and a gold fiddle I had knocked together in some Bangladesh sweatshop. I deferred immediate compensation for the long-term profit potential."

It was the bragging rights that led to Johnny's downfall, said Baphomet Q. Belial, attorney for Hell's Contract Compliance Division. "Johnny spent a lot of time hanging out in bars bragging about how he'd 'whooped up on Ol' Scratch'." said Belial. "He essentially knocked 20 years off his life with all the free drinks he received, and that 2 pack a day habit didn't help. What damned him for all time was the nonstop bragging. Pride is still very much a mortal sin, and he never expressed remorse for constantly claiming 'I'm the best that's ever been'".

"Georgia Johnny" could not be reached for comment, as he was trapped in a fiery pit with 10,000 demon children scratching out 'Frere Jacques' and 'Eensy Weensy Spider' on out-of-tune violins.