Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Where's My Tinfoil Hat?

It's A Gotdamn Conspiracy!!!


What ELSE is gonna go wrong this week?

I'm on my way in to work this morning. Got a training class, so I'm driving in early so I can get my emails & voicemails handled before I do the class at 9 am.

I stop in at the local Stop & Rob in order to get a packet of Hostess HoHo's and a Super Gonzo Gulp of Diet Coke for breakfast, congratulating myself for actually planning the time for the munchie-stop.

I'm standing outside my truck with the driver's door open, the drink balanced on the truck floor as I'm tucking my Hoho's in my carryall so they won't get smooshed.

One of Houston's Finest gets in his patrol cruiser, and starts backing up. He's heading straight for my truck. The whole time he's in reverse, I'm thinking "He's gonna stop soon... He's gonna stop soon...He's gonna stop soon..."

He didn't stop.

There's an earth-shattering kaboom.

I've been rear-ended by a cop, who also got rear-ended. I didn't even get a reach-around.

My drink is knocked over, and that tight-fitting lid promptly shoots me the finger before dumping 44 oz. of ice & diet soda all over my carpet and down my left leg.

The cop is mostly apologetic, but he took my driver's license & insurance anyway & I assume he ran 'em for warrants. He then asked how long I'd been parked there. WTF???

Then the long wait for the on-duty sergeant to arrive, then wait for the paperwork/photo guy, and I'm now looking at missing my class.

Total damage to my truck seems limited to a ding on my right rear exhaust pipe and a smudge on my bumper. The cop's bumper was cut up pretty badly.

Of course, my luck being what it is, I'll have my entire exhaust system fall off the truck halfway to Kerrville, and get jailed in Podunk TX for egregiously violating a noise ordinance.

Made it to class with minutes to spare, but I didn't realize until just now that when the cop handed me my license & insurance, that's all I got. No incident report, no contact info, no nothing. Want to bet I never even get a "We're Sorry" card from the Chief?

I'm gonna stop off and buy a helmet and a nut-cup on the way home. I think I'll need 'em before the week's out.