Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Friday, July 06, 2007

Will Rat Poison Work On Chipmunks?

I'm Pretty Sure This Is The First Sign Of The Apocalypse



Alvin & The Chipmunks were annoying back when they were just a 45rpm record sped up to 78.

Now that those soulless rat bastards in Hollywood have updated the trio into some kind of hiphop, thug-life, hoodie-wearing gangsta-wannabes, full of 'tude and spunk, they're gonna have the annoyance level you can really only reach by locking half a dozen smoke detectors and boat sirens set on "fucking loud" into American Tourister suitcases, then putting them (and yourself) into a cage with two Ritalin-soaked gorillas. Oh, and then having fire ants poured on you.

Got-damn, I can't think of a better idea than to take the worst part of American society and offer that up to our children as an acceptable form of behavior to emulate. No wonder we got 8 year olds stealing cars, and 10 year olds raping the 8 year olds in the back seat of the stolen cars, while the 9 year olds sell both of 'em drugs. Fuck you, Hollywood. Fuck you very much.

Oh, and Jason Lee? Loved you as Banky and Azrael in the Kevin Smith flicks, and 'My Name Is Earl' is sheer genius. But fuck you in the asshole for signing on to this craptastic piece of dogshit.