An Etiquette Question

Any Emily Post-o-philes Out There?

OK, let's say for argument's sake that you're in the breakroom at work, eating your lunch with several other coworkers.

Let's assume that one of your coworkers has a really annoying laugh, the kind that sounds like the braying of a herniated donkey punctuated with phlegmatic pig snorts. This co-worker also has a chronic sinus condition.

During an otherwise placid lunch, said co-worker has just unwrapped a pristine sandwich, taken a big bite, and commenced to chewing. During this mastication process, another co-worker, who might have a blog involving buccaneering primates, is telling a joke that he finds only moderately amusing. When he gets to the punchline, ("Ghosts? I thought you said GOATS!"), the congested sandwich-consuming lunch companion suddenly starts laughing uncontrollably.

During this spasm of burro-esque mirth, the semi-chewed sandwich bite spews across the table, hitting no one. However, the resulting gasp of embarrassment conflicts with the next laugh spurt, and the collision results in a huge gasping coughing fit, followed by an involuntary expulsion of a truly amazing amount of snot, which pretty much covers the co-worker's almost virgin sandwich in its entirety.

Mortified co-worker bursts into tears, scrapes up most of the mess, and dashes from the breakroom. Last known location was reportedly the couch in the women's lounge & dayspa bathroom.

OK, it's clearly the fault of the joketeller. Sort of.

So, does Hallmark make a card for these occasions? Or, would a box of Kleenex be better?