Setting A Toilet Bomb
For The Day When You're Feeling Pissy & Immature
OK, I'm about to impart some information that most of you will find puerile and possibly tasteless. Welcome to my world.
This works well on in-laws, ex's, nosy neighbors, and anyone else who you feel like giving a dose of liquid justice. It's really fun in snooty nightclubs with dickhead clientele and crowded bathrooms.
First, you need access to the porcelain throne, and less than a minute of your time.
Go to the bathroom, shut the door. Pee if you must, but you won't be flushing.
Take the lid off the toilet tank. If this person uses the old timey high-mount tank on a pipe, you're SOL, but you can still hide a pistol behind it for Michael Corleone to find later. Oh, the newfangled pressure-flush rigs are verboten, too. You need the old fashioned flush rig that usually comes with with the flapper valve and float ball.
There will be a vertical pipe coming up from the base of the tank. Snaking into this pipe will be a small rubber hose feeding from another vertical pipe, or possibly from the base of the tank. This rubber hose is used to provide water to fill the bowl, or swirl water down the sides during the flush, I forget which. Maybe both.
Carefully detach the rubber hose from the clip securing it into the vertical pipe. Lay it across the rim of the tank pointing towards the bowl.
Lift the lid back into place, gently positioning it on top of the hose. You want it to compress the hose slightly, but not crush it.
As you're adjusting the lid for fit, carefully push the hose back under the lid until it doesn't stick out noticeably.
Alternatively, if the tube is long enough, you can do the "Spitting Cobra" version, where you run the tube out the rear side of the tank, and curl it over the top aimed forward. This has the advantage, when paired with the fuzzy tank cover, in being even less noticeable, especially when the tank top is covered with kleenex boxes and assorted gewgaws.
Sneak out of the john, and wait for the fun to begin.
The next time the trip lever is pressed, the flapper valve will open, causing the water in the bowl to flow down the drain and the fill valve to trip, letting the tank and bowl fill process begin.
The fill hose will, if properly compressed and aimed, send a high-velocity stream of water onto the crotch of the person who flushed, since 90% of all humans turn and watch to see their business go down the hole. If you're really lucky, you'll get a flush-while-sitting victim, who will get the stream right down their back.
Usually the victim pulls the tank lid off to get to the fill valve and cut off the flow. This causes the hose to flop unnoticed back into the tank, and the event usually gets chalked up to bizarre toilet malfunction rather than chicanery on your part.
Well, there you have it! The toilet bomb is yours. Use it well. Use it in peace. (Cue - 2001: A Space Odyssey Theme)
OK, I'm about to impart some information that most of you will find puerile and possibly tasteless. Welcome to my world.
This works well on in-laws, ex's, nosy neighbors, and anyone else who you feel like giving a dose of liquid justice. It's really fun in snooty nightclubs with dickhead clientele and crowded bathrooms.
First, you need access to the porcelain throne, and less than a minute of your time.
Go to the bathroom, shut the door. Pee if you must, but you won't be flushing.
Take the lid off the toilet tank. If this person uses the old timey high-mount tank on a pipe, you're SOL, but you can still hide a pistol behind it for Michael Corleone to find later. Oh, the newfangled pressure-flush rigs are verboten, too. You need the old fashioned flush rig that usually comes with with the flapper valve and float ball.
There will be a vertical pipe coming up from the base of the tank. Snaking into this pipe will be a small rubber hose feeding from another vertical pipe, or possibly from the base of the tank. This rubber hose is used to provide water to fill the bowl, or swirl water down the sides during the flush, I forget which. Maybe both.
Carefully detach the rubber hose from the clip securing it into the vertical pipe. Lay it across the rim of the tank pointing towards the bowl.
Lift the lid back into place, gently positioning it on top of the hose. You want it to compress the hose slightly, but not crush it.
As you're adjusting the lid for fit, carefully push the hose back under the lid until it doesn't stick out noticeably.
Alternatively, if the tube is long enough, you can do the "Spitting Cobra" version, where you run the tube out the rear side of the tank, and curl it over the top aimed forward. This has the advantage, when paired with the fuzzy tank cover, in being even less noticeable, especially when the tank top is covered with kleenex boxes and assorted gewgaws.
Sneak out of the john, and wait for the fun to begin.
The next time the trip lever is pressed, the flapper valve will open, causing the water in the bowl to flow down the drain and the fill valve to trip, letting the tank and bowl fill process begin.
The fill hose will, if properly compressed and aimed, send a high-velocity stream of water onto the crotch of the person who flushed, since 90% of all humans turn and watch to see their business go down the hole. If you're really lucky, you'll get a flush-while-sitting victim, who will get the stream right down their back.
Usually the victim pulls the tank lid off to get to the fill valve and cut off the flow. This causes the hose to flop unnoticed back into the tank, and the event usually gets chalked up to bizarre toilet malfunction rather than chicanery on your part.
Well, there you have it! The toilet bomb is yours. Use it well. Use it in peace. (Cue - 2001: A Space Odyssey Theme)
posted by El Capitan | 3:59 PM
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