And Now... My Testicles!
I Oughta Get The NeoBall Prize For This!!
OK, y'all have been more than patient, so without further ado, here's a pirate & his parrot tenderly cupping my balls.
I suppose now would be a good time to mention that the pair on display are my Emergency Backup Testicles. The primary pair are still in use, and remain hooked up inside me via the usual ductwork, arteries & veins.
Also, you really didn't think I'd be so crass as to whip out the gnarly old scrote and commence to flashin' pictures, did you?? What, I should act like a DamnYankee?!?! Nevertheless, you haven't been bamboozled. The objects on display ARE testicles owned by ME, ergo, my testicles!
The balls were a gift from a college friend who went to work for a company that manufactures medical prosthetics. The pair pictured below were some of the last silicone-filled implants out of their testing lab before the whole industry almost collapsed under the weight of the breast implant lawsuits in the 1990's. Most ball implants nowadays are saline-filled, or solid plastic, though silicone is regaining market share.
These testicles are almost 15 years old now, which might account for their yellowish hue. They were water-clear when I acquired them. I'm thinking the silicone is partially cured, or the capsule is degrading due to exposure to the air. I had a 400cc silicone breast implant for a while via the same friend, (and may I just say that's a BIG titty!) but it didn't survive an impromptu game of touch football. It was OK during the passing, handoffs & catching, but the spiking the implant after a touchdown really wore it out.
So, what do you do with a pair of FrankenBalls? Friends, you have FUN with them! You drop them down people's shirts at parties. You shake hands with someone and leave a lovely parting gift! You press them into a sweet young thing's quivering palm, and let her gaze upon them in astonished wonderment, until comprehension comes crashing in and she inevitably freaks out and flings them back at you! You can drop them in a martini, you can use them to decorate a cake! You are really only limited by your own sense of taste & morality, which in my case means I've done all of the above, and even more unspeakable things.
See? You can squeeze my balls quite vigorously, and I'll just keep right on smiling!
So, there you have it! My testicles on public display! If you want to see the Primary Pair, I'm afraid that's gonna cost you at least a steak dinner and a bottle of Scotch. Plus, you gotta be female. I'll negotiate the first two stipulations, but that last one's pretty gotdamn firm... Kinda like my balls...
OK, y'all have been more than patient, so without further ado, here's a pirate & his parrot tenderly cupping my balls.
I suppose now would be a good time to mention that the pair on display are my Emergency Backup Testicles. The primary pair are still in use, and remain hooked up inside me via the usual ductwork, arteries & veins.
Also, you really didn't think I'd be so crass as to whip out the gnarly old scrote and commence to flashin' pictures, did you?? What, I should act like a DamnYankee?!?! Nevertheless, you haven't been bamboozled. The objects on display ARE testicles owned by ME, ergo, my testicles!
The balls were a gift from a college friend who went to work for a company that manufactures medical prosthetics. The pair pictured below were some of the last silicone-filled implants out of their testing lab before the whole industry almost collapsed under the weight of the breast implant lawsuits in the 1990's. Most ball implants nowadays are saline-filled, or solid plastic, though silicone is regaining market share.
These testicles are almost 15 years old now, which might account for their yellowish hue. They were water-clear when I acquired them. I'm thinking the silicone is partially cured, or the capsule is degrading due to exposure to the air. I had a 400cc silicone breast implant for a while via the same friend, (and may I just say that's a BIG titty!) but it didn't survive an impromptu game of touch football. It was OK during the passing, handoffs & catching, but the spiking the implant after a touchdown really wore it out.
So, what do you do with a pair of FrankenBalls? Friends, you have FUN with them! You drop them down people's shirts at parties. You shake hands with someone and leave a lovely parting gift! You press them into a sweet young thing's quivering palm, and let her gaze upon them in astonished wonderment, until comprehension comes crashing in and she inevitably freaks out and flings them back at you! You can drop them in a martini, you can use them to decorate a cake! You are really only limited by your own sense of taste & morality, which in my case means I've done all of the above, and even more unspeakable things.
See? You can squeeze my balls quite vigorously, and I'll just keep right on smiling!
So, there you have it! My testicles on public display! If you want to see the Primary Pair, I'm afraid that's gonna cost you at least a steak dinner and a bottle of Scotch. Plus, you gotta be female. I'll negotiate the first two stipulations, but that last one's pretty gotdamn firm... Kinda like my balls...
posted by El Capitan | 2:00 PM
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