Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Calorie Creep

Need To Lose Your Appetite? Imagine Rosie O'Donnell In A Negligee...

D'you know the worst part about being a fat man on a diet?

It's not the hunger pangs. I'm learning to space out a bunch of little "eating opportunities" throughout the day so I don't get too ravenous and start gnawing on random co-workers.

It's not even the lack of fattening hi-carb foods. It's getting easier to ignore the foods that put my body in its current state of rotundity. Oh, I still miss 'em. When a commercial for a Double Whopper or a hot gooey pizza appears on TV, I still drool like a Pavlovian mutt, but I still have enough self-control to not begin the nasty habit of jerking off to old copies of 'Bon App├ętit' & 'Gourmet'.

It's not even the insertion of large amounts of rabbit food into my daily menu. To tell the truth, I kinda groove on sugar snap peas and zucchini slices and little baby carrots, and I can eat those by the pint.

What really annoys me are the opportunities to cheat.

Here's the deal...

There's no one watching.

There's no one watching...

If I were to go through a Mickey D's drive through and gobble down a couple of McRibs and a Supersize fries on the way home, no one would know.

I could drive over to IHOP and order the Jumbo Redneck Country Boy special, with extra cream gravy and a double-stack of flapjacks, and the waitress wouldn't even blink.

This time of day, I could slip into the breakroom and get a couple of bags of Fritos and a Snickers bar out of the machine, and no one would be the wiser.

Except me.

Except me...

And that, my friends, is the absolute worst part. There's no point lying to yourself. It's like cheating at Solitaire. Why even play the game if you aren't in it to win it?

*SIGH* Master Yoda was right. "Do... or do not. There is no try."

My 1800 calories a day food intake limit has been slowly creeping up to the 2000-2100 mark. Not every day, but often enough to cause me some concern. Some days are a complete write-off. I knew that going in. Thanksgiving I held myself to one plate of food, and a small piece of pie. Even so, that was probably a 3200 calorie day.

Yesterday was the staff holiday dinner, and it was a repeat of Thanksgiving, only I passed on the pie and the bread roll. I had the stuffing AND the mashed 'taters & gravy AND the sweet potatoes, though... Again, just one plate, but not exactly a small meal.

So far I haven't really fallen off the wagon. No double cheeseburgers, no ice cream, no chili-cheese 'tater tots or bucket o' fried chicken. When I "cheat", it's a 240 calorie can of Chunky soup, or some stewed tomatoes with hot sauce. Sometimes I'll go hog-wild and eat half a jar of Claussen kosher dill pickles.

It still bothers me, though. I ought to do better. I guess part of it is the frustration that it took too many years out of my life for me to get to this point, and going back the other direction may take just as long.

Ah, well... Day 82 of Project LOLA, and we just keep toddling along.