Know Your Cat Vomit

A KittyBarf Primer For The Connoisseur

Anyone who shares a home with a feline has probably experienced the sublime joy of squishing a melange of half-digested kibble and festering hairball between their toes in the wee hours of the morning.

Dog owners are frequently serenaded by a constant chorus of yips, whines, barks and howls. Cat owners are used to a more quiet pet, except when they're treated to hysterical yowling at 3 a.m. for no apparent reason, punctuated by the dulcet tones of the cat regurgitating the contents of its stomach onto something expensive and impossible to dryclean.

I've had cats for most of my life, and have seen some truly spectacular piles of vomit. You'd think they ate themselves silly at a Golden Corral buffet, and followed it up with a pony keg of Heineken.

So, what did your cat eat to cause them to chunder on your bedspread? Read on:

Cat Vomit Is: Bluish liquid, somewhat foamy.
Answer: Cat's been drinking out of the toilet again.

Cat Vomit Is: Red & green scraps mixed in with kibble.
Answer: Cat's been eating the poinsettia.

Cat Vomit Is: Milky white mixed with raisins.
Answer: Cat ate most of your Raisin Bran when you got up and answered the phone.

Cat Vomit Is: Large moist lump the color of your cat.
Answer: Typical hairball. Apply sticky tape roller directly to cat to lessen occurences.

Cat Vomit Is: Suspiciously absent.
Answer: Look behind the couch, you'll find it.

Cat Vomit Is: Located next to the cat food bowl.
Answer: Subtle commentary on your choice of cat food. Consider upgrading to better cat food.

Cat Vomit Is: Chewed up legs, wings and antenna.
Answer: Cat ate a cockroach. Reward cat with delicious canned cat food for ridding house of vermin.

Cat Vomit Is: Disgusting lumpy fish-smelling glop.
Answer: Cat has vomited up delicious canned cat food.