Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

Stuff From Long Ago

An Artsy-Craftsy Post

Let's talk about leather.   LEATHERRRRR!!!

Ooops.  {Exit Zappa mode}

OK, let's start over.

For some reason, I was thinking about the leather keyring lanyard I had many years back.  I kind of miss the thing.

Remember those horrible plastic lanyards you learned to braid when you were a kid?  The plastic lace always got tangled and kinked, and by the time it was finished, it was either 6 feet long and quickly got stretched or broken, or it never got beyond 5 inches of lanyard and 12 feet of loose lace, and got used for a cat-o-4-tails?

During one of my summers working at Scout camp, I managed to land a gig where I had a good bit of time during the day to pretty much do nothing.  I took the Boy Sprouts out on overnight hikes, and since that generally involved chasing them out of the trees and yanking them out of snake-ridden gulches until the wee hours of the morning, I was supposed to be sleeping during the day to recharge for the next night out.

Heh.  You try sleeping in a 105 degree canvas wall tent...

Anyway, I'd end up pestering the Doc down in the Quack Shack, or hang out in the commissary or the rifle range and kill time.  Eventually I'd get bored and wander over to Handicrafts and see if I could annoy the staff there.

After futzing around with the standard plastic lanyard lace, I relearned how to do the square braid, round braid, alternating "squound" hybrid, the barrel braid doubled back outside a round braid, the crown knot and so on.  The problem was the damned plastic lace just never lasted very long.  It would crack or break, and the garish colors just didn't suit me.

One of the HandiCraptors suggested I use leather instead.  It wasn't free like the plastic lace, in fact, it was kind of pricy.  I seem to recall it was $15-20 for 30 foot of the stuff.

Well, WTF else are you going to spend your $$ on out in West Bumfuck, Texas?

It turned out rather well, IMHO.  Used most of a spool of black leather and another of white for a zebra effect.  All that lace braided up into a nice thong about as big around as a Sharpie marker, and just over a foot long.  Good for hanging your keys off of.

Even better for smacking the shit out of people...

As that thing aged and seasoned, it turned into one vicious mofo of a slapper.  Even without the wad of keys on the end, that thing would raise welts.

I guess I had it for 4-5 years before the end that held the key ring finally wore through and it started unraveling.  It's probably moldering in a box in garage.

Hmmm...  Y'know, I bet I could get some more lace pretty cheap on eBay.  Wonder if I can figure out how to braid while holding a cigar and a glass of scotch?