Who The Hell Is Kevin Rackatackatackata??

I just opened my Hotmail account for the first time in ages, and I've got about a zillion spam emails, most with some version of this format:

Grow A Larger Schlong, Kevin Rackatackatackata!
or
Make Money Fast, Kevin Rackatackatackata!

WTF? First of all, my name's not Kevin. I don't use my real name with the Hotmail account, it's just a spamtrap. Somehow, that name got associated with it. Second, what's up with the name that sounds like a machine gun? I mean, Rikki Tikki Tavi I could at least understand. There are worse things than being named after a mongoose, after all.

Sigh. Visions of bolt cutters, air hammers, belt sanders and blowtorches keep popping into my head every time I have to clean out the spammerspooge. I try to be understanding to 'alternative lifestyles', but I just want all the spammers out there to die a lengthy, painful death, preferably with large hogs eating their crispy remains afterward.

I propose live Pay-Per-View webcasts of public torture sessions for these wastes of flesh. We'll appease the liberals by donating the proceeds to some tree-hugger organization.

Can I get an Amen?