Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

"I Just Don't Get..."

What Is Goin' In You People's Haids??"

I don't get tagged by the meme bug all that often, so the shine hasn't worn off it for me just yet. Dash tossed this one my way, so the least I could do is answer it. Hell, it's a freebie blog topic, if nothing else!

The topic is:

"Five things society at large enjoys, but that I just don't get..."

Just five???

1. Going To Church: OK, this is not a slam at God, Jesus, Catholics, Muslims, Zoroastrians, whatever. This is directly solely at the activity of going to a building with a pointy thing on top once a week and putting on a piety show. This conundrum first struck me back when I was barely a teen and started to notice that the "Sunday version" of people didn't match the "Mon-Sat version".

Frankly, the level of hypocrisy is appalling. In my lifetime, I've seen many upright bastions of the church parade down the aisles every week, taking their rightful place in the front pews where they could be seen by all. Some of us were hip to the realities of life, though. Despite the display of piety, you just knew YOU ABSOLUTELY *KNEW* FOR A FACT!! that the other 6 days of the week the husband was cheating clients left and right, the wife's addicted to painkillers and schtupping the pool boy, the kids are attending rainbow parties and selling crank, but there they sit every Sunday, lookin' like butter wouldn't melt in their mouths.

It absolutely disgusts me. So much so I haven't attended a regular Sunday service in almost 20 years. I got no real issue with religion, as long as it doesn't get out of hand. Put hundreds of worshippers together, though, and strange things begin to happen. When congregations stay under 30-40 people, you seem to get less stake-burning, crusading, witch-hunts and pogroms.

2. Picnics: What's to like? Ptomaine poisoning due to someone leaving the potato salad sitting out. Trying to eat in the hot glare of the sun. Ants. Kids chasing a frisbee trampling through the Pop-Tart souflee. Wasps assaulting the watermelon. Someone overturning a full can of Coke on the blanket.
Feh. Give me a restaurant anytime.

3. Shopping Malls: Proof that a significant percentage of the population are masochists. Don't even get me started on the pre- and post-holiday crowds. Parking way the heck out in BFE, surly teenage clerks, shrieking kids, oblivious parents, horrible odiferous smogs around the food court caused by too many different cuisines in close proximity... the list of negatives goes on and on. I think I've been in a mall 5 times or so in the last 5 years, and three of those were to meet a friend working at the Apple Store.

4. Roller Rinks: Despite the alluring temptation of the Hokey-Pokey, I could never quite grasp the appeal of rollerskating rinks. You've got your gnarly skates, soaked in the foot-sweat of thousands of previous people. There's the carpet covered walls, the dim lights, the über-dorky tiny orange traffic cones. I'd mention the all the fantastic roller rink cuisine (first place I ever had a deep-fried hot dog), except that my stomach's a bit twitchy right now from McD's at lunch.

You can put your whole self in, I'm keeping my whole self out. That's what it's all about!

5. Fashion: It just burns my ass that I can't go get a replacement pair of shoes or article of clothing that I've enjoyed because they're no longer available. Sure, things like topsiders and jeans never really change, but it'll probably be 10 years before I see another pair of good chambray pants or a linen pullover, or a dual-color weave oxford shirt because those styles are no longer in fashion. It's gotten to the point where I buy two of everything just to make sure I don't run out. I need to start my own clothing label. "Old Fuddy Duddy - Fashion for people that don't give a shit about fashion".


Next victims? Well, if they want to play follow-the-meme, how about these fine bloggers:

Mike at Grendel's Dragon
Crimedog at Parrothead Ramblings
Donny at Walrilla's Wonderings
Jenni, 'cause I haven't linked her in ages! Hi, sweetie!
Rorshach at Red Ink: Texas