Adding Insult To Injury

I'm Afraid To Go Outside. A Meteorite Will Hit Me!

Bad shit happens in threes. Wait. Maybe it's "people die in threes", and I've got nothing to worry about.

Damn. Another evening spent waiting for the REAL punchline to land...

I finally get most of the weekend chores accomplished, and decide to reward myself with a nice long nap. I love naps. I kick the cats out of the room, focus the fan on the head of the bed, strip down to my skivvies and collapse.

Dreaming during daytime sleep always seems more vivid to me. Maybe it's the extra light filtering through your eyelids. I dunno. Anyway, it's a real humdinger of a dream today. Had this one before. It's a variation on a theme, one from the archives. Backseat of the old War Wagon, messing around with "Maryjane Rottencrotch" and her purty pink panties. Gadzooks, to be that limber again...

Ahh... where was I? Oh.

The doorbell starts ringing. I'm dragged cruelly from my slumbers. Now I'm kinda pissed off. I roll over, hoping to get back to where I left off, knowing it's a futile hope. The doorbell keeps ringing. Fuck.

I grab my robe and head down the hall. Come stomping back to get the belt tie so I won't be hanging out of this thing. Doorbell keeps ringing.

I open the door, and it's PsychoNeighborLady from across the street. Her opening words (I shit you not) were:
"Oh, I'm sorry, did I wake you up?" No, lady. I always ignore the first 8 doorbells.

The urgent problem? Her sister in Poughkeepsie has somehow moved her Windows menu bar to the right side of the monitor screen, and it's imperative that it be fixed. It's throwing her life out of balance.

I contemplate wedging an icepick into the sister's earhole to correct the balance issue. PsychoNeighborLady is trying to point out a similar problem in an 'AOL For Dummies' book. I just sigh and flash on my dream of having no one over 60 be able to touch a computer ever again.

We get her issue sorted out. I hope so, anyway. As long as I'm outside, I might as well check the mailbox.

When it rains, it pours. Got me a Harris County Jury Summons notice in the mail.

I'd like to go get dinner now. Unfortunately, I'm absolutely positive that if I fire up the Caddy, a car bomb will explode. Or, I'll be trampled by stampeding wildebeests. Attacked by salivating badgers.

Nope, I'm staying in tonight.