Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Didja Ever Notice...

Odd Things I've Observed

Cats don't seem to like a sock being laid on top of their heads, even though they're OK with rooting through a pile of warm socks right out of the dryer.

Similarly, though a cat has no issues with idly batting your face with a tail while you are sleeping, they get especially peeved when you tickle their toes when *they* are sleeping.

There's always one jet on the showerhead that sprays off at a wild angle and catches you in the eye.

Baby pigeons cheep instead of cooing like adults, and the pigeon parents sit near the nest flapping their wings, apparently to cool the chicks. You see the strangest things while waiting for the bus...

The times you run out of toilet paper always seem to coincide with the times you have to "get down to business" so quickly you don't have time to check on the paper supply.

Kleenex, the other disposable paper product generally found in the bathroom, is a poor substitute for toilet paper.

A roll of toilet paper soaked in kerosene burns for a LONG time. Running through the woods with one on a stick used as a torch is not a good idea, though.

There's a way to distinguish whether the fricassee you're eating is rabbit or cat based on the bone structure, but I forget what it is exactly. Mostly, I just avoid eating rabbit.

Getting a chunk of skin caught between the frame of the pistol and the heelplate on a magazine whilst seating the mag with vigorous force hurts quite a bit. Not as much as getting your thumb caught in an M1 Garand action, but pretty bad nonetheless.

Nothing makes steel rust faster than blood. Must be all that salt and iron content causing a chemical reaction. Wipe off your gun BEFORE you go wash your hand and get a Band-Aid. My old shop teacher had a standing rule about blood on the machinery. He said if you lost a hand on a lathe or milling machine, use the remaining hand to wipe down the precision surfaces before you passed out. Otherwise, he'd remove your testicles.

While I'm thinking about shop class, you might want to know that a chuck key that's remaining in a machine lathe's 3-jaw chuck when the juice is turned on at a high-RPM setting will depart the chuck and traverse the entire length of the shop at approximately Mach 2 before imbedding itself in the garage door. The sound it makes as it passes over your head while you are bent over adjusting the cut-off saw is remarkably similar to a boomerang being thrown by a bodybuilding steroid-addicted aborigine. The screams of the idjit who launched the key are remarkably similar to a little girl's, when you are pounding on his face.

Ever notice that no matter how long you hold a dried apricot in your mouth, it never returns to its original size? Nah, me neither.

Cheap duct tape ain't worth a damn. You can always tell the quality by how it sounds coming off the roll. The good stuff has a deep loud *Reeeeowmp!" sound as you pull it off. The no-name brand crap makes a whiny scritching sound.

It takes about 2 1/2 rolls of duct tape to securely stick a 150 lb. person to a wall. If they are not cooperating, you might need significantly more.