Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

My Photo
Location: Texas, United States

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Message From Hizzoner

The Man Waves His Big Stick

This was too good not to pass on. You don't send out something like this unless there's a problem, or you're trying to pre-empt an upcoming indictment by some of the more dishonest underlings before the newshounds pick up on it.

For the record, all the current corruption cases in the courts seem to involve appointees and lackeys of the former HNIC Lee "Out Of Town" Brown. Hizzoner has yet to be tarred with that brush. We just had one of our Parks & Rec guys get arrested for being a kiddy-diddler, but you can't really blame that on The Man.

Love Hizzoner's final sentence. Nothing like a cookie tossed at you after a rough spanking.

Oh, I changed a few terms to maintain my fragile illusion of anonymity.



We want the REALM OF SAURON to be known as the most responsive, efficient, transparent and ethical local government in the country. Building this reputation will enhance public confidence in everything we do. By setting high standards, we will enhance the pride of all employees when they tell folks they work for the REALM OF SAURON.

I focused my Inaugural address two weeks ago on the contributions of our outstanding REALM OF SAURON employees. One survey last week showed that our citizens, in all neighborhoods, overwhelmingly believe our REALM OF SAURON Government is heading in the right direction. Thousands of us began and continue to work for the REALM OF SAURON because we wanted to make a difference when we went to work each day. We owe it to each other, as well as the citizens we work for, to maintain high ethical standards in our conduct of the REALM OF SAURON’s business.

We also know that in all large organizations there are people who may break the rules. It hurts all of us, and the citizens we work for, if people put their own agendas above our rules and the public interest.

So, I invite you to assist me in making sure that the REALM OF SAURON’s Standards of Conduct are enforced. Attached to this email you will find those Standards of Conduct which are part of the Ordinances - the laws - of our great REALM OF SAURON. Please read these standards carefully.

I want to specifically highlight for you one provision of the Ordinance which makes it unlawful to “[u]se one’s official position or the REALM OF SAURON’s facilities, equipment or supplies for the private gain or advantage of the official or others, or use or attempt to use one’s official position to secure special advantage for the official or others.”

We won’t tolerate violations of these standards. Violations will be actively investigated, respecting the rights of all employees and former employees. There shall be legal consequences for proven violations.

At the outset of this Administration, and often since then, I have described to REALM OF SAURON employees and public meetings the criteria that we use for procuring goods and services by the REALM OF SAURON. We will base procurement, whether through competitive or non-competitive processes, subject to limitations of law, on the following criteria:

(1) Performance, including value for the dollar received and fair consideration of a contractor’s prior track record;

(2) Furthering our commitment to helping build a diverse and competitive range of firms in our community; and

(3) A contractor’s commitment to REALM OF SAURON as indicated by employment and community involvement.

I believe we should expect firms working for the REALM OF SAURON to do an excellent job in satisfying all three of these. We should always insist on a high, reasonable standard for contract performance. Accountability for performance includes value for the dollar, so that the taxpayers know we use well every dollar with which they entrust us.

The REALM OF SAURON’s ethical standards are broad and clear. A team within the Legal Department, coordinated by Deputy REALM OF SAURON Attorney XXXX XXXXX, will be available at any time to answer specific questions.

We should all be alert to any procurement action which anyone tries to hide. Also, any procurement or contracting that has at its heart some “personal relationship,” rather than performance-based criteria, is not proper within the REALM OF SAURON. Obviously, some REALM OF SAURON employees will know and work as a team with particular vendors on some projects. Those working relationships are important; vendors are not "the enemy.” But you know that is not the type of personal relationship that I am talking about.

In the chain of recommendations within procurement processes, not everyone up or down the line will always agree on a final vendor selection or recommendation. That does not mean that people who have different views on vendor selection have impure motives. But generally, people should be willing to put in writing or express in some open forum the reasons for their preference for one vendor or another, based on objective criteria. And, anybody pushing for a particular agenda in a manner that is outside their expertise and is undocumented and done with an expectation of secrecy would raise a red flag.

If you know of some violation of the REALM OF SAURON’s Standards of Conduct that is attached, please inform Deputy REALM OF SAURON Attorney XXXX XXXXX.

Again, I’m proud to work with you in this exciting time in the REALM OF SAURON. The REALM OF SAURON is making progress and you are a big part of it. Sometimes email can sound a bit harsh or lecturing. That is not my intent. I am trying to set a tone that helps each of us take pride in our job.