Ignunt Employees of The Man, Part 382

Gadzooks, These People Are Truly Magnificent Swine

Let me present a scenario...

Let's say that you've got a really really rich uncle, who happens to be named Sam. Uncle Sam wants to give you a wad of cash. I'm not talking about some piddly-ass stash of cash, either. I'm talking extensive mounds of greenbacks. Enough money that you could rake it into a huge pile and use it to burn a wet elephant.

In order to get this money, all you need to do is write a report within 60 days of Uncle Sam's notice of cash infusion. It's not a hard report, either. Mostly, it's just a scribbled suck-up to the professionally panty-wadded, assuring them that you'll be nice and play fair and not be a dick.
Doing the report takes a bit of time, since you have to round up all The Man's Nazgül, and get them to sign off on it. So, better plan on 30 days minimum to get the report done.

Again, if you do the report within 60 days, you get the cheese, and all of The Man's hungry mice get to have a nibble from Uncle Sam's largesse. If you fail in this task, The Man will boot you in the nutsack, then turn you over to the Nazgül for extended torture via public excoriation.

Knowing all this, and knowing you'll need the services of Yours Truly to do 80% of the report, WHY ON GOD'S FUCKING GREEN EARTH DO YOU WAIT UNTIL THERE'S ONLY 20 DAYS LEFT BEFORE YOU GIVE ME THE GODDAMNED ASSIGNMENT!!!! YOU IGNUNT-ASSED SCLEROTIC CONTUMELIOUS INBRED PUDDING-BRAINED SCROTUMPOLES!!

I better get a fistful of that cash, that's all I'm sayin'.

I might be busy the next few days.