Pass The Eye Bleach, Please...

Too Late, It's Burned Into My Long Term Memory...

For those of you who've never wasted enjoyed entire weekends rolling dice and swigging Mountain Dew with a group of acne-infested virgins brave adventurers in the gripping peril of a role-playing game, I need to pass along a concept.

There's a game called Call of Cthulhu based on the Cthulhu Mythos of H. P. Lovecraft. In this game, the players are dealing with creatures and entities so far removed from everyday rationales and experiences that periodically a check must be made to determine whether the characters are still capable of functioning rationally, or whether they've descended into gibbering madness.
To fail this Sanity, or SAN roll, is to immediately acquire all manner of phobias and mental quirks, and there's always the chance of going so batshit crazy that you kill yourself or your companions.

So, I told you that story to bring you this one.

Some things just can't be unseen. Once experienced, you are forever tainted. Since I suffered this tragic fate, I decided that you might as well too. I'm just cool like that.

Behold, the Pussy Snorkel. Please make a -5 saving throw vs. Aggravated Sexual Buffoonery.



Gadzooks, I can't believe someone would market a device like this. Aside from being tasteless, I just can't believe any guy could pull this thing out and strap it on without the object of his affections either kicking his head in, or else contracting a terminal case of the pee-squirting giggles. Either way, it's gotta put a damper on the event.

I dunno, your mileage may vary. I'm just seriously ooked out by it.

Found via Something Awful, who certainly lived up to their name today.