That Was The Week That Was...
Fear & Loathing Inside The 610 Loop
Bizarrity abounds this week, pilgrims... Here's a taste.
Canción Numero Uno: (Heard yesterday at lunch in our breakroom)
The Man floats a bid proposal for 71 linear miles of roadside mowing over an XX day period. Standard mowing gig, keep grass height under X" during duration of contract, includes right of way, medians, off & on-ramp areas. Usual rules for bidding apply, sealed bids by the deadline, lowest responsible bidder at bid opening gets the gig.
Winning bidder offers to do the deed for 150 Large, so he gets the nod. The Man will send a flunky for preliminary inspection after 10 days.
Winning bidder shows up to start the job. Drops the tailgate of his truck and...
Unloads a Troy-Bilt push mower.
He'd gotten about 3 miles down the road before the bid was revoked.
Canción Numero Dos: (Heard today at lunch in our breakroom)
High-Level policy meeting in Conference Room A, guest list includes Asst. Directors, Directors, other various high paygrade Muckity-Mucks.
Panel Interviews for low-level bureaucrat position in Conference Room B, guest list includes mid-range supervisors, a Division Manager, and the interviewees.
Receptionist asks each person leaving elevator on this floor if they're here for the meeting or for the interview. Each arrival indicates they're here for the 10 a.m. meeting.
By 10:30, Interview Panel is wondering where the 10 a.m. candidate is.
By 11:30, High-Level policy meeting breaks up. Missing interviewee approaches receptionist with many pages of detailed notes from High-Level policy meeting, where he's been giving advice as best as he knows how. Asks receptionist when next part of interview is scheduled.
Receptionist dials up supervisor on speakerphone, explains situation, whereupon supervisor explodes into helpless laughter, clearly audible to interviewee.
Canción Numero Tres: (Eyewitness to this one)
Receptionist hears something scrabbling along the baseboard behind her desk. She turns, and sees what she thinks is a large frog inching its way along the wall, intent on reaching the potted plant in the corner. Bear in mind this desk is located many floors up in a downtown skyscraper.
Receptionist, being a creature of urban upbringing, has little to no experience with a creature of the wilderness, and freaks out accordingly.
Random Bureaucrat, hearing the piercing shrieks, comes to investigate and determines that the "frog" is actually a small bat.
Upon being told that a bat is basically a be-winged mouse, more or less, Receptionist completely loses her shit and is last seen galumphing towards the other side of the building with a velocity and precision that belies her girth and dislike of physical activity. Piercing shrieks actually increase in volume, accompanied by random interjections of "Oh, Lawdy!" and "Jeezus He'p me!!".
The aforementioned bat, probably sensing nothing good will come of this ruckus, makes a beeline for the elevators, crawling at a rate rather suprising for a two-footed be-winged mouse-like creature.
Random Bureaucrat tips a trashcan over on the bat, covering bat in soggy kleenex, orange peels and empty soda cans, but limiting its movement.
Random Bureaucrat borrows my good pair of scissors, my roll of Scotch tape and an empty copy paper box from my office, and somehow manages to prod the garbage-strewn bat into the box. Box is taped up and airholes are punched in preparation for an Animal Control pickup.
El Capitan examines scissors quite closely for stray flecks of batjuice. I don't see myself using them to open my packets of Cheese Nips anytime soon.
As soon as I hear whether our little bat was rabid or not, I'll let you know. Just tune in daily, same Bat-Time, same Bat-Channel!
Bizarrity abounds this week, pilgrims... Here's a taste.
Canción Numero Uno: (Heard yesterday at lunch in our breakroom)
The Man floats a bid proposal for 71 linear miles of roadside mowing over an XX day period. Standard mowing gig, keep grass height under X" during duration of contract, includes right of way, medians, off & on-ramp areas. Usual rules for bidding apply, sealed bids by the deadline, lowest responsible bidder at bid opening gets the gig.
Winning bidder offers to do the deed for 150 Large, so he gets the nod. The Man will send a flunky for preliminary inspection after 10 days.
Winning bidder shows up to start the job. Drops the tailgate of his truck and...
Unloads a Troy-Bilt push mower.
He'd gotten about 3 miles down the road before the bid was revoked.
Canción Numero Dos: (Heard today at lunch in our breakroom)
High-Level policy meeting in Conference Room A, guest list includes Asst. Directors, Directors, other various high paygrade Muckity-Mucks.
Panel Interviews for low-level bureaucrat position in Conference Room B, guest list includes mid-range supervisors, a Division Manager, and the interviewees.
Receptionist asks each person leaving elevator on this floor if they're here for the meeting or for the interview. Each arrival indicates they're here for the 10 a.m. meeting.
By 10:30, Interview Panel is wondering where the 10 a.m. candidate is.
By 11:30, High-Level policy meeting breaks up. Missing interviewee approaches receptionist with many pages of detailed notes from High-Level policy meeting, where he's been giving advice as best as he knows how. Asks receptionist when next part of interview is scheduled.
Receptionist dials up supervisor on speakerphone, explains situation, whereupon supervisor explodes into helpless laughter, clearly audible to interviewee.
Canción Numero Tres: (Eyewitness to this one)
Receptionist hears something scrabbling along the baseboard behind her desk. She turns, and sees what she thinks is a large frog inching its way along the wall, intent on reaching the potted plant in the corner. Bear in mind this desk is located many floors up in a downtown skyscraper.
Receptionist, being a creature of urban upbringing, has little to no experience with a creature of the wilderness, and freaks out accordingly.
Random Bureaucrat, hearing the piercing shrieks, comes to investigate and determines that the "frog" is actually a small bat.
Upon being told that a bat is basically a be-winged mouse, more or less, Receptionist completely loses her shit and is last seen galumphing towards the other side of the building with a velocity and precision that belies her girth and dislike of physical activity. Piercing shrieks actually increase in volume, accompanied by random interjections of "Oh, Lawdy!" and "Jeezus He'p me!!".
The aforementioned bat, probably sensing nothing good will come of this ruckus, makes a beeline for the elevators, crawling at a rate rather suprising for a two-footed be-winged mouse-like creature.
Random Bureaucrat tips a trashcan over on the bat, covering bat in soggy kleenex, orange peels and empty soda cans, but limiting its movement.
Random Bureaucrat borrows my good pair of scissors, my roll of Scotch tape and an empty copy paper box from my office, and somehow manages to prod the garbage-strewn bat into the box. Box is taped up and airholes are punched in preparation for an Animal Control pickup.
El Capitan examines scissors quite closely for stray flecks of batjuice. I don't see myself using them to open my packets of Cheese Nips anytime soon.
As soon as I hear whether our little bat was rabid or not, I'll let you know. Just tune in daily, same Bat-Time, same Bat-Channel!
posted by El Capitan | 4:46 PM
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