Off-Color Seuss

There Goes El Cap With A Ganja-Type Seed; He's Hoping To Harvest A Bushel Of Weed!

I sure loved me some Dr. Seuss when I was growing up. The Sneetches, Green Eggs & Ham, The Lorax, Yertle the Turtle, Scrambled Eggs Super, and If I Ran The Zoo... I can't count the times I read and re-read those books. To be completely honest, I read 'em to my nephew Sammy as much for my enjoyment as for his!

My favorite? Fox in Socks. Something about mastering a tongue-twister book was gratifying to a young sprat.

I remembered it, too, well into adulthood. Many was the time I'd get hammered at a college party and suddenly begin an impromptu recitation concerning Tweetle Beetles, or Luke Luck Licking Lakes.

When I got REALLY hammered, though, the rhymes took a turn for the off-color. For example...

The usual segment on Slow Joe Crow usually goes like this:

Who comes? Crow comes. Slow Joe Crow comes.
Who sews crow's clothes? Sue sew crow's clothes.
Slow Joe Crow sews whose clothes? Sue's clothes.
Sue sews socks of fox in socks now.
Slow Joe Crow sews Knox in box now.
Sue sews rose on Slow Joe Crow's clothes.
Fox sews hose on Slow Joe Crow's nose.
Hose goes. Roes grows.
Nose hose goes some. Crow's rose grows some.

Apply a pint or two of bourbon, and the message changes somewhat...

Who comes? Crow comes. Slow Joe Crow comes!
Who blows crow's hose? Sue blows crow's hose!
Slow Joe Crow licks whose toes? Sue's toes!
Sue screws socks off Fox in box now.
Slow Joe Crow boffs Knox in socks now.
Sue pulls hose from Slow Joe Crow's clothes.
Fox stuffs hose up Slow Joe Crow's nose.
Nose blows. Hose grows!
Sue blows hose some. Crow's hose grows some!

Someone beat me to "Horton Hears A 'Ho". Guess I'll have to do something disreputable to "Thidwick, the Hugely-Hung Moose, or "Mop in Pop"...

Here's the real thing!