Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

So Easy In Theory, So Difficult In Practice...

Pammy over at Lollygaggin has a tale posted about one of the millions of drivers who have no idea what the little stick on the left side of the steering column is for.

It reminds me of the time Rockhauler and I were going out to see a friend in Arkansas, and encountered another of these clueless morons.

We'd left Dallas with a carload of booze and guns, the usual accoutrements of our road trips. Rockhauler was still driving his Chevy Nova back then.

After exiting in Mt. Pleasant for a Mickey D's lunch break, we were getting back on I-30 when we were almost sideswiped by an Oldsmobuick that just had to be in front of us. The dickhead rocketed across the traffic lanes and started to accelerate away.

Well, we weren't going to stand for that shit. Time to give this asshole a piece of our minds, and maybe a buttstroking from the SKS rifle after using the bayonet to poke holes in his tires.

Well, it might have come to that. All we really wanted to do was tell him to turn off his left turn signal, which had been lit up ever since Rockhauler spotted him racing up behind us.

I scrabbled around in the car for a Sharpie and something to write on. Managing the road bumps as best I could, I wrote on a piece of McD's bag in big block letters "TURN OFF YOUR BLINKER" then, on the flip side, "ASSHOLE". The plan was to drive up alongside him, show him the sign, then when he turned off the signal, show him the other side and give him a quadruple one-finger salute.

Problem was, we just couldn't catch the guy. Rockhauler had the accelerator kissing the floor, and that little 4-banger engine was screaming for all it was worth. Like in 'True Grit', that hoss was loaded down with an excess of fat men & iron... Oh, and liquor, too. Can't forget the genuine, double-rectified bust head.

We finally topped out somewhere near the century mark, and that Oldsmobuick just kept pulling away from us. Rockhauler finally let off the accelerator and said "Fuck this. He's in Arkansas by now." Disappointed, I held on to the sign anyway.

Imagine our mutual glee when 40 miles down the road, there's the Oldsmobuick, in the loving care of a Texas Department of Public Safety State Trooper. He's pulled over on the right shoulder, with the left blinker still on...

I held up the sign ("ASSHOLE" side facing out!) as we passed, both of us laughing hysterically, but I'll bet the dickhead driver was too preoccupied to notice!