Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Delayed Cat Experiments

A Brief Moratorium On Fun Feline Frolics

OK, I know I mentioned including a rodent in the cat experiment last week, but my life's already being made miserable by a Crazy Old Cat Lady in the neighborhood, and I don't need any more drama.

Making a short story longer, this Crazy Old Cat Lady roams the neighborhood looking for cat owners (even going so far as to peek in windows at cats perched on windowsills), and then demanding entry to the domicile in order to "inspect their living conditions".

Her bona fides are that she used to volunteer for a local vet, and therefore is qualified to judge your fitness to share living quarters with felines. Hmmmm... seems a lot like Hildebeest "Sniper-bait" Clinton in that regard...

Refusal to admit Crazy Old Cat Lady to poke about your house and fondle your cats leads to a complaint of animal abuse filed against you with the local SPCA by the aforementioned Crazy Old Cat Lady. In discussion with neighbors who've also dealt with Crazy Old Cat Lady, it seems that the SPCA might be aware this is a completely deranged individual, but with the money coming in from that Animal Planet show 'Animal Cops', they've got time and funding to dick around with bogus leads.

I'm not worried about the SPCA. I've got two plump flea-free cats that are spoiled rotten. OK, Betsy Cat would benefit from a thorough shampooing, and Pookie Cat could stand to lose a few pounds. She's almost at the stage where she can buff the floor just by walking around, but most of that is a belly-pooch caused by having kittens sometime before she joined the household. Basically, the Crazy Old Cat Lady and the SPCA can go f#ck themselves.

I'm going to start carrying a shovel in the bed of the truck. The next time I see a dead cat on the road, I'm going to relocate it to the Crazy Old Cat Lady's street, and set up this rig:

Maybe she'll have a stroke and crawl back to her house to die, and her cats can eat on her for a week or so. I'm such a fan of poetic justice...