I Hate Carthaginians
A Civilization Composed Completely Of @$$holes!
I know, I know... I've blogged about this before.
I love wasting time playing Civ II. It's hard to say which is more fun, building your own empire, or callously crushing the other cultures beneath your hobnailed jackboot.
When you draw Carthage as one of your opponents, though. Damn, they're annoying! Like playing against a grumpy badger that's got a diaper rash and instead of smearing on Boudreaux's Butt Paste, you applied napalm, and ground out your cigar against the badger's bunghole before sealing up the diaper.
All I did was occupy a Carthaginian city! Honest! I was exploring a mostly empty continent, and one of my explorers happened to begin his turn right after one of the Carthaginian settlers created a new town.
Hey, we heard hammering and sawing sounds. We were curious. Just wanted to use the restroom. Yeah, that's the ticket! A pee break!
Well, with no Carthaginian troops to guard the town, when my guy rolled into the gas station for a pit stop, ownership naturally transferred to me.
Man, these Carthaginians hold a grudge like nobody's business... Even though they retook the city (I wasn't all that interested in it right then) they stayed PO'd right up to the Nuclear Age. As soon as they were able, WHOOOSH! Up goes one of my towns in a mushroom cloud.
Of course you know this means war...
I built a Nuke Missile, and flung it into one of their larger metropolii. Crispy-critterized probably a couple of million residents. Had a hearty meal and slept well afterwards. I figured that would be the end of it. Oh, no.
10 turns later, they built another one, and fried the same city again. Bastards...
Enough pussyfooting around! Out comes a boomer sub, loaded with a baker's dozen of ICBM's.
I park the boomer off the coast of the main Carthaginian continent, and start pushing buttons. I decline to call on The Red Phone beforehand. This time, maybe 50 million Carthaginians bite the big one.
Think they learned their lesson? Obviously not... (See pic below)
All those skulls ringing orange towns are where I nuked them, and still they're trying to achieve MAD...
Well, it'll be a huge shiny sheet of glowing glass in a couple of turns. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated into the Pirate Collective!
I know, I know... I've blogged about this before.
I love wasting time playing Civ II. It's hard to say which is more fun, building your own empire, or callously crushing the other cultures beneath your hobnailed jackboot.
When you draw Carthage as one of your opponents, though. Damn, they're annoying! Like playing against a grumpy badger that's got a diaper rash and instead of smearing on Boudreaux's Butt Paste, you applied napalm, and ground out your cigar against the badger's bunghole before sealing up the diaper.
All I did was occupy a Carthaginian city! Honest! I was exploring a mostly empty continent, and one of my explorers happened to begin his turn right after one of the Carthaginian settlers created a new town.
Hey, we heard hammering and sawing sounds. We were curious. Just wanted to use the restroom. Yeah, that's the ticket! A pee break!
Well, with no Carthaginian troops to guard the town, when my guy rolled into the gas station for a pit stop, ownership naturally transferred to me.
Man, these Carthaginians hold a grudge like nobody's business... Even though they retook the city (I wasn't all that interested in it right then) they stayed PO'd right up to the Nuclear Age. As soon as they were able, WHOOOSH! Up goes one of my towns in a mushroom cloud.
Of course you know this means war...
I built a Nuke Missile, and flung it into one of their larger metropolii. Crispy-critterized probably a couple of million residents. Had a hearty meal and slept well afterwards. I figured that would be the end of it. Oh, no.
10 turns later, they built another one, and fried the same city again. Bastards...
Enough pussyfooting around! Out comes a boomer sub, loaded with a baker's dozen of ICBM's.
I park the boomer off the coast of the main Carthaginian continent, and start pushing buttons. I decline to call on The Red Phone beforehand. This time, maybe 50 million Carthaginians bite the big one.
Think they learned their lesson? Obviously not... (See pic below)
All those skulls ringing orange towns are where I nuked them, and still they're trying to achieve MAD...
Well, it'll be a huge shiny sheet of glowing glass in a couple of turns. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated into the Pirate Collective!
posted by El Capitan | 12:05 PM
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