IEATAPETA Haiku

Poetry For The Inner Carnivore

Tomorrow is IEATAPETA Day!

In the words of founder Meryl Yourish: "On March 15th, we make sure we eat meat, fish, or dairy products — all the stuff that pisses off the PETA vegans — in protest of PETA’s deceptive and execrable tactics."

It's not that exclusive of a holiday for me, to tell the truth. I do my best to eat a hefty part of an animal every day, and always give thanks to PETA for reminding me that animals have feelings and experience raw terror just before they're slaughtered. That touch of adrenalin in the quivering flesh gives just the right bit of spice to any meal! Just before I *OM NOM NOM NOM!!* on a delicate plate of baby calf, I always trace out PETA in the bloody juices with my fork.

I'm busy all day tomorrow eating dead animal, so here's a post in advance:

IEATAPETA Haiku

Yards of fresh bratwurst
Bacon rashers dripping grease
Who needs a colon?


A mountain of flesh
Dead bovines piled to the sky
Tunnel with my teeth


Cute little hamster
You will not escape my fork
Thou art made of meat


Very soothing when
Applied to one's appetite
Slabs of bloody steak


To eat elephant
Take small bite and then repeat
Ad infinitum


The briny oyster
Safe from my depredations
Looks just like wet snot


Bathing in bull's blood
Offering to great Mithras
And a damn fine snack


Truly exotic
Eating deep fried gorilla
Fossey spins in grave


Anally raped sheep
Are useless for fine cuisine
Spunk leaves a strong funk


Pound of cabrito
Tortillas, salsa and beer
Stuff your damn Big Mac


I don't eat haggis
Sheep stomach, liver and lungs
Don't count as real meat


Brand new restaurant
Dogs missing for miles around
Must be Korean

(I've heard enough horror stories about gae bulgogi & boshin tang... No need to add any in the comments!)