Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Zen & The Art Of Crapping

What Is The Sound Of One Turd Splashing?

So, is it possible to assume the lotus position while seated on the toilet?

Do the acoustics of a tile bathroom efficiently focus the chanted OM?

I wondered last night, after the completion of a notably large yet efficiently delivered mudweasel, whether or not the moving of one's bowels gained one an appreciable increase in peace of mind.

After all, I've heard it said on many an occasion, and from more than one blogger, that a satisfying dump is a tonic for the soul. You feel a oneness with mankind, indeed a touch of the peace that passeth understanding after a particularly legendary squat.

How far can you take it, though? Can you achieve a higher state of consciousness simply through dropping a deuce? Or must your fecal offloading be accompanied by an assist from the mystic arts?

Can you achieve Turdvana?

Grogan + Yoga = Groga?

Bowel Movement + Transcendental Meditation = BMTM? BTM²?

It bears further study, but on some reflection, I think there's an element missing. It might be that the Holy Trinity of elements needed to reach Turdvana might have to include the semi-legendary Blumpkin.

For those not yet tainted by the foul orc-speech of the seamy side of the Internet, a blumpkin is the act of receiving a blowjob whilst taking a shit. I cannot imagine a person agreeing to be the "kneeler" for this act without an inch-thick wad of Benjamins firmly in hand, but you never know what'll motivate some people to perform the most sordid acts imaginable.

I think you'd also have to involve tantric sex into the Turdvana mix, lest involuntary muscle contractions force an untimely excretion out of one or both orifices. (orifii?)

Well, as I said, it bears further study. Any wisdom you can add, feel free to do so below!