Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Friday, February 27, 2009

F'ed In The A

How Does One Turn Off This Phlegm Spigot??



When situations start to go seriously awry, I'm not quite sure when or how we started associating that with unplanned anal intercourse. After all, when it's a minor annoyance, it just sucks. It takes a certain level of violation and discomfort to rate a label like "taking it up the tailpipe."

Unless, of course, you work for The Man. In that case, the chances of being forcibly boarded by the Unionized Battalion of Municipal Ass Pirates are so common that all you can really do is take out gap insurance on your balloon knot and buy stock in whoever makes Preparation H.

Case in point...

I request politely for someone in charge of such matters to let us know when the Houston Rodeo trailride wil be taking over the employee parking lot so I can either schedule a day off, or ride the bus. It's a complete PITA to try and park with all the horses everywhere, and you end up parking wedged up against some shit-covered stock trailer.

So, on my arrival this morning, guess what I was greeted with? 8 acres of country bumpkins and their assorted regalia. No notice whatsoever. Horse hockey up to your ankles. Gahhh....

Adding to the joy and misery (I'm still way under the weather...) I get notice that I'm moving offices again. Some assclown from the Buttonsorting & Beancounting department was counting ceiling tiles, and noticed that he had only 30 tiles in his office, while there were a few people on my floor who had 40, nay, even 45 tiles in theirs! Outrage!!

It turns out there is some obscure regulation tying your pay grade with the allowable square footage of office space. Does it matter that due to frequent visitations from citizens who inhabit powered wheelchairs & scooters, I have more than my alloted floorspace in order that they may enter & exit freely? NO!! sez the Beancounter. A paygrade 20 with a 10x16 office? OUTRAGE!!!

So, I'm being evicted. Good thing I never unpacked after the last move. As they say, hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now.

I'm sure I'll get out to the parking lot this evening and find some cowpoke has used the bed of my truck for a latrine. Sigh. I thought it was Mondays that were supposed to suck...