Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

My Photo
Location: Texas, United States

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The Two-Part Fart

More Unintended Consequences Of Project LOLA

One of the great joys of being a male is standing up to pee. I mean, what's not to like? You get to air our your crotchable area, maybe bounce up and down a few times in mid-stream to resettle all the fiddly bits, and if you're lucky, you get to squeeze out an air-biscuit or two during the process. Kind of a musical accompaniment to your micturition!

Alas, as one's buttocks go from overstuffed to merely plumpish, the geometry changes somewhat.

Before LOLA, the gaseous expulsion would travel the path of least resistance, out from the bunghole, sliding past the buttcheeks and seeking the open air.

With the reduced volume of each buttcheek, though, I'm finding that the bolus of farty vapor is getting trapped in mid-cheek. A pocket of fart storage is being formed. It requires a firm tensing of the gluteus maximi to expel the fart out into the Great Wide Open. So, you get the initial sphincter bleat, followed by the warbling of two asscheeks vibrating together.

Oh, it's not all bad. With a little rhythym, you can be your own percussion section while humming your favorite pee-tune.

I s'pose this means I'll need a butt-lift somewhere in the distant future...