Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Scrape Your Face Like A Man, Dammit!!

Shave Every Day And You'll Always Look Keen!

Now, as a rule, I'm not one to bust other people's balls over matters of taste.  De gustibus non disputandum, and all that.

Still, when one of your blogbuddies begins to show signs of not only edging toward, but flouncing merrily off the Metrosexual cliff, honor dictates that you take a stand, and try to pull him back before he really Nellies out.

Now, Elisson is not what most folks would consider a namby-pamby sort.  He climbs snow-covered mountains apparently for the sheer fun of it, and can grow a mustache the likes of which haven't been seen for 30 years or more.

He does seem to prefer the frou-frou cocktails to brown liquor over ice, but that might be the last remnants of his Lawn Guyland upbringing.

His latest epistle on shaving cream, though...  Elisson waxes prolix on the joys of rubbing various scented emollients onto his phiz, then recommends various brands of creams, most of which probably smell like a French cathouse during Fleet Week.

You can't get these pricy unguents at the local drug store, either!

I mean, fergoshsakes, buying your shaving gear at Bed Bath & Beyond is like buying your jock strap at Victoria's Secret.  It just isn't done, Old Boy!!

The secret to a clean, close shave?  Here's the El Capitan method.

Take a hot shower.
Exit the shower, turn on the hot water at the sink.
Dry your body & hair while the tap warms up.
Do NOT apply any sort of lotion or cream.
Get whatever razor you prefer, and drag it over your still-moist beard.
Take your time, go slow over the fiddly bits, and sluice your face down afterwards.

That's it.

I've been shaving "dry" for close on 20 years now, and my skin, while soft to the touch, is not prone to breaking out or acne, probably because I'm not coating my pores with slimy gunk every morning.  In truth, there's probably not a zit tough enough to push up through my hide after being scraped smooth daily.

Now, it is true that the wimmens like a guy that smells nice.  A bit of Bay Rum does wonders.  You can also experiment with other manly aromas, like Eau de WD-40, or a dab of starter fluid on the wrists, earlobes and behind the knees.  The choices are endless!!