Damn You, Carl!

And Your Little Junior, Too!

Are y'all familiar with the burger chain called Carl's, Jr?

It really ought to be called Carl's Senior Satanic Pit of Delicious Gluttony and Unholy Shrine of All Things Fattening.

As I understand it, Carl's, Jr is a West Coast chain, and merged some time back with Hardee's, which you see all over the Midwest.  So, two burger chains, one identical menu.

Texas was lacking in either Hardee's or Carl's Jr until recently.  There might have been a few, but DQ, Whataburger and the BK/Wendy/MickeyD Big Three have had a good lock on Texas for some time.

There's a half-dozen or so Carl's scattered around town, and they're all way out of my way.

This is a GOOD thing.  Otherwise I'd be there everyday and looking even more like an elephant seal than I do now.

They have a $6 bacon guacamole burger that's just about the most decadent thing I've ever stuffed in my pie hole.  This is only topped by their $6 Pulled Pork BBQ burger, and thank God that's only available every so often, or I'd figure out how to liquefy it and stuff it in an IV for 24 hour consumption.

I was across town on business, and stumbled upon one right at breakfast time.  I tried their "Loaded" breakfast burrito.

OMFG...   Take a grilled tortilla.  Pile on eggs, cheese, hash browns, smoked sausage & sausage patty chunks.  Sounds good?  Oh, no.  Not yet.  Now, ladle on a scoop of sausage gravy.

It's so gloppily delicious you have to eat it out of the foil wrapper with a fork, then use the rolled-up tortilla to sop up the gravy.  The only conceivable way to make it better would be to get a prom queen to give you a handjob while you eat it...

And now, there's this:

Mashed 'taters & gravy.  On a burger.

DAMN YOU!!!  DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!!!!