'The New World' Order

A 45 minute After-School Special Stretched To 2 1/4 Hours...

Bloody hell... If I have to see one more shot of sunlight through the treetops, or the wind rustling tall grass, I think I'm gonna hurl.

I just endured Terrence Malick's 'The New World'. After seeing 'The Thin Red Line', I knew what I was in for. Beautifully shot but excruciatingly long scenes of grass growing. Characters doing a whole lot of deep, important introspection. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I say deep, important introspection? What I meant was endless self-indulgent navel-gazing.

I mean, really! Who's got time to constantly obsess over what kind of person you are? All the main characters look like they spent 95% of their time gazing off into space while running a personal monologue in their head, with the lush and impeccably recorded soundtrack swelling in the background.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Metaphors, deeper meaning, symbolism, yadda yadda yadda. My opinion? Malick can't decide whether to make an art film, a documentary, or a costume drama, so he goes for all three, and makes a beautiful bowl of pabulum.

Pass this one by.