I've Come to Realize...
Today, I'm As Bitter As A Bibulous Bittern That's Been Bathed In A Bucket Of Bitters.
A big "Thank You!" to Leslie at Leslie's Omnibus for today's blogpost material!!
The "I've Come to Realize" Meme:
1. I have come to realize that my butt:
... is either rejecting my underpants, or is slowly deflating. This is downright odd, given its enormous acreage. See, I keep having the back side of my skivvies slip down over my buttcheeks. New ones, old ones, loose ones, tight ones, doesn't matter. They all slide down over my tuckus, leaving me feeling the cool breeze through my trousers. I'm all the time sneaking off to the can to pull 'em back up. It's just effin' beee-zarre.
2. I have come to realize that when I talk:
... I still talk way too fast, and I'm not necessarily talking loud enough to be heard over the ambient chatter.
3. I have come to realize that, if I love someone:
... It usually makes no difference whatsoever. Not always, but mostly.
4. I have come to realize that, I need:
... more and more time to get up in the morning, & less and less time deciding what to wear.
5. I have come to realize that, I lost:
... many friends that would otherwise be around if I gave a smidgen of attention now & then & didn't act like a hermit most of the time.
6. I have come to realize that, I hate it when:
... people hold political and religious beliefs without ever holding them up to the light and examining them from all sides in an honest and objective manner.
7. I have come to realize that, if I'm drunk:
... I'm more likely to start singing either opera or showtunes, both badly.
8. I have come to realize that, marriage:
... will probably never happen for me.
9. I have come to realize that, work:
... is endurable, for the most part. Most people have it far worse than I do.
10. I have come to realize that, I will always be:
... really, really opposed to the Designated Hitter Rule. And Taxes. And Spiders.
11. I have come to realize that, I like:
... Hogue grips on pistols and fine Scottish liquor, Cycles that go fast and planes that go quicker, tight-bodied coeds that jiggle like springs, these are a few of my faaaavorite things!!
12. I have come to realize that, the last time I cried was:
... chopping onions. I'll get sniffly now & then watching certain things, but that's a blogpost for another day.
13. I have come to realize that, my cell phone is:
... the recipient of far more wrong numbers than people actually hoping to speak to me.
14. I have come to realize that, when I wake up in the morning:
... I've really got to go pee, and the damned cat's underfoot and yowling for attention the whole way to the can.
15. I have come to realize that, before I go to sleep at night:
... I need to have an electric fan blowing on me, an insulated mug of icy beverage on the nightstand, and something to read until I get drowsy.
16. I have come to realize that, right now I am thinking about:
... That I really ought to be sending out emails to various departments before it gets too late in the day.
17. I have come to realize that, babies:
... are best handed back to their mothers when they're odiferous and damp.
18. I have come to realize that, today I will:
... probably not get the truck back from the repair shop.
19. I have come to realize that, tonight I will:
... ride METRO, not my truck, when I go home. Dammit!
20. I have come to realize that, tomorrow I will:
... still not have any long-term plans for my life.
21. I have come to realize that, I really want to:
... have a Texas BlogFest that's a real blowout, maybe 50-100 bloggers sharing stories, music, laughter, and a $h!tload of booze.
22. I have come to realize that, working out:
... ranks right below genital mutilation and habanero juice eyewashes in terms of things I like to do on a regular basis.
23. I have come to realize that, friends:
... ultimately have their own lives that you're not privy to, or necessarily welcome to participate in.
24. I have come to realize that, the person who might repost this is:
... probably not as bummed-out and bitter as I am right now.
A big "Thank You!" to Leslie at Leslie's Omnibus for today's blogpost material!!
The "I've Come to Realize" Meme:
1. I have come to realize that my butt:
... is either rejecting my underpants, or is slowly deflating. This is downright odd, given its enormous acreage. See, I keep having the back side of my skivvies slip down over my buttcheeks. New ones, old ones, loose ones, tight ones, doesn't matter. They all slide down over my tuckus, leaving me feeling the cool breeze through my trousers. I'm all the time sneaking off to the can to pull 'em back up. It's just effin' beee-zarre.
2. I have come to realize that when I talk:
... I still talk way too fast, and I'm not necessarily talking loud enough to be heard over the ambient chatter.
3. I have come to realize that, if I love someone:
... It usually makes no difference whatsoever. Not always, but mostly.
4. I have come to realize that, I need:
... more and more time to get up in the morning, & less and less time deciding what to wear.
5. I have come to realize that, I lost:
... many friends that would otherwise be around if I gave a smidgen of attention now & then & didn't act like a hermit most of the time.
6. I have come to realize that, I hate it when:
... people hold political and religious beliefs without ever holding them up to the light and examining them from all sides in an honest and objective manner.
7. I have come to realize that, if I'm drunk:
... I'm more likely to start singing either opera or showtunes, both badly.
8. I have come to realize that, marriage:
... will probably never happen for me.
9. I have come to realize that, work:
... is endurable, for the most part. Most people have it far worse than I do.
10. I have come to realize that, I will always be:
... really, really opposed to the Designated Hitter Rule. And Taxes. And Spiders.
11. I have come to realize that, I like:
... Hogue grips on pistols and fine Scottish liquor, Cycles that go fast and planes that go quicker, tight-bodied coeds that jiggle like springs, these are a few of my faaaavorite things!!
12. I have come to realize that, the last time I cried was:
... chopping onions. I'll get sniffly now & then watching certain things, but that's a blogpost for another day.
13. I have come to realize that, my cell phone is:
... the recipient of far more wrong numbers than people actually hoping to speak to me.
14. I have come to realize that, when I wake up in the morning:
... I've really got to go pee, and the damned cat's underfoot and yowling for attention the whole way to the can.
15. I have come to realize that, before I go to sleep at night:
... I need to have an electric fan blowing on me, an insulated mug of icy beverage on the nightstand, and something to read until I get drowsy.
16. I have come to realize that, right now I am thinking about:
... That I really ought to be sending out emails to various departments before it gets too late in the day.
17. I have come to realize that, babies:
... are best handed back to their mothers when they're odiferous and damp.
18. I have come to realize that, today I will:
... probably not get the truck back from the repair shop.
19. I have come to realize that, tonight I will:
... ride METRO, not my truck, when I go home. Dammit!
20. I have come to realize that, tomorrow I will:
... still not have any long-term plans for my life.
21. I have come to realize that, I really want to:
... have a Texas BlogFest that's a real blowout, maybe 50-100 bloggers sharing stories, music, laughter, and a $h!tload of booze.
22. I have come to realize that, working out:
... ranks right below genital mutilation and habanero juice eyewashes in terms of things I like to do on a regular basis.
23. I have come to realize that, friends:
... ultimately have their own lives that you're not privy to, or necessarily welcome to participate in.
24. I have come to realize that, the person who might repost this is:
... probably not as bummed-out and bitter as I am right now.
posted by El Capitan | 4:20 AM
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