Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

My Photo
Location: Texas, United States

Friday, May 21, 2010

Hits & Misses

The Lard Ass Chronicles: Chapter 4E85

One of the challenges to losing weight is finding appropriate meals to suit your taste and your schedule. While I like to cook, after a day at work I don't really want to muck about in the kitchen for an hour or so and then have to do the cleanup afterwards.

The other thing that wasn't going to work for me was the nitpickery of most diet plans. I'd tried several diets in the past that wanted you to measure out 3 ounces of this, half a cup of that, and so on. If I can't be bothered to haul out a steamer or saucepan after work, there was no way those plans could work. Plus, you had to pack up all the leftover portions, and unless it's cold pizza, leftovers mostly suck.

So, I opted for the "whole foods" plan. No, not the Whole Foods Market (aka Whole Paycheck). Place is full of hippies, yuppies and douchebags, anyway.

No, the "whole foods" plan just means you pick up a package of something agreeable to your palate and consisting of a reasonable amount of calories, and eat the whole damn thing. No measuring, no leftovers. This sort of limits your choices, but with some diligent supermarket searching, you can do pretty well.

F'rinstance, there's just a boatload of soups out there that clock in at around 200-250 calories. A couple of cans nuked in a big bowl make for a pretty filling meal.

I love microwaving a bag of frozen veggies with a can or two of tuna (packed in water!) mixed in, or a packet of fake crab chunks. Tossed with a bit of soy and hot sauce, it's tasty, and usually under 400 calories.

My usual weekend breakfast is a jar of mixed fruit (packed with Splenda instead of sugar) mixed in with a tub of cottage cheese. It's 600 calories, and really fills you up.

I love sushi, but if you go the sashimi route, it's insanely expensive, and you're hungry again pretty soon. OTOH, if you go with the makizushi rolls, you pick up a lot of carb calories from the rice. The plain tuna rolls are around 180 calories for 6-8 pieces, but once you start adding avocado and cream cheese, the calorie count rockets up PDQ. I usually do the large rolls with the fake crab and veggies, and don't spare the wasabi!

Not every thing works out, however. I found out that a couple of cans of Italian stewed tomatoes and some fake crab chunks do not a bowl of cioppino make. It's not that it tasted bad, it just didn't come close to real fish stew. You can eat a sh!tload of sauerkraut for under 100 calories, but even if you rinse it before eating, it starts to pale around mouthful #5. Also, watch out for the amount of raw veggies you eat. I like a mix of carrots, cauliflower & broccoli spritzed with a vinaigrette dressing, but eat too many, and you'll feel like you're passing a coil of manila rope the day after...

I need to look into making some bean soup on the weekends, and then portioning it out for the following week. The problem with most canned beans is that they have way too much salt and/or sugar, and the calorie count is too high for the portions you get, especially with baked beans.

Keep an eye out for sugar-free desserts. You can make a metric assload of sugar-free Jello and stay under 100 calories. Ditto the sugar free pudding cups. If you have a sweet tooth twinge, a couple of those really help, and even if you f#ck up and eat three of 'em, you're still just at the 200 calorie mark.

Bon appetit!