Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Diet Fatigue

Project LOLA: Slogging Through The Doldrums

I finally stepped on a scale in 2011, and somehow I managed to lose weight over the holidays. Only 5 lbs between mid-December and last Friday, but considering the obscene amount of food I put away Xmas day and New Years Eve, I'm OK with it.

The problem is... I want to jump off the wagon for a while. I keep edging up the calorie count bit by bit. Oh, I'm careful to stay below the break-even point, but given that I'm not significantly increasing my exercise level, I'm going to see some seriously diminished returns.

I'm getting awfully tired of the diet, though. I find myself driving by the local Taco Bell more often, gazing at the monthly special, and salivating over the thought of a bag of chili-cheese burritos.

In fact, thoughts of chili are consuming most of my waking moments. When the weather's frosty, salads just don't do the trick. I want a plate of chili dogs, followed by a chili-cheeseburger and some of my chili-spiked spaghetti.

I dream about Frito pies, where you dump an entire bag of chili-cheese Fritos in a big bowl, mix in a double fistful of shredded cheddar and chopped onions, then pour over the top a gigantimous can of piping-hot Wolf chili (NO FUCKING BEANS!!) and then add another handful of cheese on top and broil until gooey. Actually, I'd prefer Gebhardt canned chili, but they haven't made that in a decade or more.

Then, a pot of homemade red. Canned chili is better for a Frito pie. Just as you don't pour Maker's Mark over Coke, you don't use quality chili in a casserole.

I honestly don't know how much longer I can do this. I want some biscuits & gravy, and cheesy-crust pizza, and half a gallon of strawberry cheesecake ice cream, and a sheet pan full of lasagna, and a Dairy Queen Dude sandwich, and throw it all in a bucket, and put some Eggs Benedict on top! And a wafer-thin mint, of course...