Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Tuesday, April 02, 2013

What To Do With 25M Norks?

Random Thoughts Through The Cigar Smoke

As a general rule, I don't spend a lot of time contemplating the fate of the North Koreans.  They've had their own special brand of Crazy goin' on for longer than my lifetime, and usually they fall into the "out of sight, out of mind" category.

Alas, Kim-Jong Spanky has had an urge to whip out his weenie and wave it around, and anytime one of that clan gets to weenie-waggin', you need to at least pay a little attention.  They're like that ankle-biter terrier from next door.  Unlikely to do a whole lot of damage, but apt to spring upon you when you're not looking. and make you spill your drink.  And that ain't neighborly a-tall.

Odds are he's just weenie-waggin' to build his cred with the Nork military elders.  Man, that's a Viagra-stoked crowd if there ever was one.  Average size, 5 foot 3 and a buck seventy five.  Average hat size? California Quad Hot Tub.  These guys look like they upended those old satellite dishes and put a brim on 'em.

So, will they invade the South?  Doubtful, but you never know.  Despite a vocal minority in the South urging reunification, most of SoKo has zero desire to join the Cult of Kim Jong Fill-In-The-Blank.  I mean, South Korea is a society that's completely embraced technology, the internet and all it has to offer.  They've made network gaming a national sport.  What're the odds they wish to join their buddies up north marching in lockstep to the local propaganda poster shop for the latest print of Dear Leader wanking towards the horizon?

Not bloody likely...

So, assuming that the Norks step on their dick, get pasted, and somehow the North gets folded into the South for a peaceful unification, how on earth do you deal with a population hobbled by 60 years of mind control??

This isn't like Russia or East Germany, where you had an active criminal underground and black market priming the pump for introducing capitalism. This is a society where schoolkids march to class, the unworthy are left to starve in the street, and singing the wrong song gets you and your family interned in a reeducation camp for life.

Add to that the particular Asian zeal for dropping a dime on your neighbors and sucking up to authority to gain face, (see 'Cultural Revolution', 'Khmer Rouge') and it's a steep uphill climb to get these folks able to even function in the Common Market.

I'm not optimistic.  Even if the Norks don't force us to scrape the peninsula clean, I fear they'd go for an alternate solution to end the conflict.

How do you say "Jonestown" in Korean?