Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Blade Fail

Adventures With Knife-Like Objects

In the quest to collect a barrel full of sharp pointy things, you win a few, and you lose a few.

This go-round, it's one for the "LOSER" pile...

I was looking for a workaday version of this blade:

That's a Cold Steel Tai Pan.  AUS-8 laminated blade.  Kraton handle with skull-crusher pommel.  Definitely *NOT* a loser.  While it is a step down from the Damascus-bladed & silk-wrapped haft Imperial Tai Pan, it's also not in the $1200 price range.  I think I paid between $200-300 for this one.

It's too pretty to play with and possibly ding up, so I also bought the fiberglass trainer version.

While the dimensions are identical, the weight's not even close. Any spinny-flippity hijinks won't carry over with the steel version, leading to sliced fingers and punctured feet.

So, the search was on for a replacement.  And a few weeks ago, I thought I had an answer, courtesy of the ThinkGeek website. This is their 1942 Leatherneck dagger:

And, it's pretty much a POS knife-like object.

See how the centerline misses the point by almost half the blade width?  That's quality Chinese workmanship, right there, folks.  The stacked leather handle is so lacquered that it's as slippery as a peeled egg.  Kinda funky-smelling, too.  Probably made from the hides of political prisoners and Falun Gong supporters.

When you grasp a nice blade, you should be hearing... Oh, I dunno.  The theme from 'Patton'.  'Stars & Stripes Forever'.  A swashbuckling overture, at the very least.

Pulling this one from the sheath, all you get is an elevator-Muzak version of 'The Girl from Ipanema'...