Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Monday, January 31, 2011

Project LOLA: Day 500

Despair is perfectly compatible with a good dinner, I promise you.

-- William Makepeace Thackeray

Well, the unthinkable has happened...

Following my last report on LOLA, and sick unto death of the endless salads and low-fat/low-carb/low-salt/low-taste cuisine, I tried to slip in a few tasty tidbits here & there.

Oh, never too much at once. A chili dog from Sonic one day. An omelet and pancakes one Sunday morning. A bag of chips another day. Several holiday parties and office events with their abundant cuisine. One dinner at Taco Bell. A large bag of popcorn at the movies, a drink or two on an occasional evening, and so forth. All in the name of reducing the pressure of LOLA, and taking a wee bit of a break.

I honestly thought I was staying under the daily "break even" limit on the majority of days, but apparently not.

The scale says I've gained weight. Almost 10 lbs.

Now, I'm not entirely sure I trust the scale. It's on a health & fitness kiosk down in the downtown tunnels, and you've got to perch on a little bench and put your feet up on a rest before pushing the "Weigh My Fat Ass" button. It's not the most stable apparatus, but aside from using the digital scale at the Doc In The Box all the way out in Katy, it's the only available scale that goes up to "OMFG YOU WEIGH A TON!!" levels.

To gain that much weight since my last weigh-in on Jan. 7th, we're talking a 35,000 calorie surplus spread over 3 weeks. That's 1666 extra calories a day above and beyond the break even point of 3000 calories.

There's no effin' way I've eaten 4666 calories per day over the last 3 weeks.

I dunno, maybe I should have taken some Ex-Lax & an extra diuretic that morning. A serious dump is always good for at least a couple of pounds, anyway.

Still, the scale says what it says. And what that says to me is that I just can't give myself a break.

Just as an alcoholic can't have the occasional drink and expect to remain sober for any length of time, it appears that I can't eat the occasional chili dog or burrito and expect to keep losing weight.

So, back to raw cabbage & tapwater for the foreseeable future.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go beat my head against a wall for a while, then go walking.