Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Monday, March 31, 2014

Random Thoughts On Groinal Garments

Idle Speculation To No Real Purpose

So, I'm sitting here with the midseam of my skivvies neatly bisecting my Balzac, forcing a periodic stand-up/wiggle/shake/adjust/sitdown to avoid having an involuntary orchidectomy.

Part of the problem is, of course, too much El Capitan and not enough room in the pants, causing the pinching.

The other half of the problem is the abysmal method that underwear is constructed.  Why on earth would you put the seams on the INSIDE??  No one's gonna be looking at them inside your pants, and you might as well put the smooth side towards your skin.

"Well, just turn 'em inside out!" you say.   OK, but then the fly is bass-ackwards.

Feh.  It's just a bad design.  Don't even get me started on the mess that are boxers.

Also, while I'll give props to those manufacturers who use 100% cotton, can we get an increase in the quality?  If I can get 1000 thread count sheets, it stands to reason I ought to be able to get the same in my tighty-whities.

Actually, I'd like to experiment with a mink-lined hammock arrangement, but I'm afraid it would A: Smell terrible after a hot day, and B: shed and leave me with rodent hair ingrained into my crotch.

Sigh.  Maybe something in a microfiber/memory foam??