Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Monday, January 08, 2018

My House Looks Like A Barn

The Ongoing Saga Of Bungalow Harvey

Flooding.  What an enormous pain in the ass...

The contractors are busy tearing out just about everything inside the house down to the bare studs.

I've got no kitchen, half a functioning bathroom, one single bedroom with plastic sheeting stapled up everywhere in a vain attempt to keep the dust at bay...

The washer/dryer will still work, but I've gotta reconnect all the lines whenever I need to run a load.  The crew keeps unhooking everything and shoving them around to get to the walls & pipes.  I haven't gone to a Laundromat since the early 2000's.   Don't miss it, don't want to go back if I don't have to.

No central heat.  The intake ducts were part of the hall closet, so there's no way to filter anything.  Last thing I need is more drywall & mold scattered everywhere.

This makes the ambient temperature inside about 5 degrees warmer than outside.  I was OK until things dipped down into the 30s.   See, with no walls to stop drafts, the pilot light on the water heater has a habit of blowing out, and you usually don't discover this until you shiver your way to the bathroom to be greeted with an icy cold shower.

That's enough to make the Pope blaspheme...

Went through the garage yesterday, making a final sweep of trash/keep.   Managed to fill up a 10 yard dumpster again.  New rule:  if it's made of solid wood, we refurbish.  Particle board?  Adios, mofo.

Still not sure who's paying for all this.   The contractor swears they can do it for the insurance payout, despite my $10k deductible.  We shall see.

Finish date by end-of-month, but I'm not holding my breath.   Something always comes up...

Monday, December 25, 2017

Merry Xmas, Ya Sonsa Beeches!

Baby, It's Cold Outside!

Curling up with a big bottle of chilled Suck this Xmas.

Can't run central heat, due to lack of walls, vents and all the air movers and dehumidifiers helping to dry out the joint.

Finally got hot water turned back on, so there's that.  4 days of cold showers will Grinch up anyone's holiday.   Try finding a plumber on Xmas Day!   Fortunately, my rebuild contractor is Jewish, and knew a guy who knew a guy...

My Okie uncle passed away yesterday morning.  2017 had one last kick-in-the-crotch to deliver.   My problems are annoying, but his family are the ones needing sympathy.  Please spare them a kind thought.

Best to you all.   I'm ready for 2018.

May not be much better, but it certainly can't get any worse...

Thursday, December 14, 2017

This Is *SO* Wrong!

Queefus Maximus

So, what happens when you tape a sex toy to an exhaust pipe?

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Missing Your Puddy Tat?

Blatantly Ripped Off From Facebook

Cat was on my porch this morning.
Ate 3 big cans of tuna.
Was muddy from the rain, so I gave him a bath.
If you know of anyone who is missing a Tabby in NW Houston, tell them to email me.


Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Odds & Ends

Just Coasting Through Until The Holiday

So You Have A Deviated Septum — Now What?

Well, if you're a 70's female rock star, known for gauzy dresses and twirling around on stage, you hire a personal assistant to pack cocaine into a straw and blow it up into your butthole...


I need to expand this into an essay, but regarding the genderfluid, people who identify as other races, sexes, species, etc., I just want to say this.

Most of us played make-believe as a kid.  Nothing wrong with that.  You usually grow out of it.

As we grow older, we're still gaining in life experience, but are eager to make an impression on the peer group, so there's a good amount of bullshittery that goes on.  Again, you usually grow out of it.

When you're still playing make-believe and spewing flagrant bullshit as an adult, though, you've got a serious problem.  You're either disconnected with reality, or just a flaming asshole.

Probably both...


On those days where you have the urge to leap over the barbed wire fence, best to make sure it's a cold, chilly day so things are tucked up out of the way!

'Bout right for a whitetail.  Too small for a goat.

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Just Throwing This Out There...

Sure Would Like To See The Clinton's '23 & Me' Results!

There's a persistent rumor that Slick Willie has been shooting blanks all this time.

Given the number of Bimbo Eruptions that somehow never resulted in 9 month abdominal eruptions, this is a distinct possibility.

The world may never know...

Tuesday, November 07, 2017

A Palate Cleanser

You Spoke, We Listened!

OK, 3 weeks of Lena was a bit much...