Usually With A Big Fat Weenie Up Your Keester...
A bit of the ol' bureaucratic BS is a-rollin' down the hill, and yours truly is doing his level best to stay out of the path of travel...
We (meaning the collective employees of The Man) received notice some months ago alerting us to a minor quibble regarding The Man's adherence to one of the billion or so Federal regulations that we're supposed to keep up with.
This notice came to my office, and as I detest the thought of having to deal directly with complainants, I did what comes procedurally and forwarded it to the relevant parties.
So, assuming this complaint dealt with the lack of suitable air fresheners attached around the necks of the flock of penguins owned by The Man, my notice was forwarded to the following August Personages and Grand Poobahs:
The Man's Associate Director Of Avian Operations
The Man's Assistant Director Of Flightless Avian Assets
The Man's Deputy Assistant Director Of Flightless Antarctic Avian Assets
The Man's Associate Director Of Strategic Purchasing of Chemical Air Cleaners
The Man's Assistant Director Of Legal Mumbo Jumbo, and about 5 other people who deal with this kind of crap.
The following notice was included in big bold letters:
"Once your department's decision has been made regarding the purchase/nonpurchase of penguin body odor eliminators, please ensure that a suitable reply is sent to (Complainant) by (relevant date) as to avoid his intent to file a formal complaint to (relevant Federal agency)."
Naturally, not a fucking soul did a got-damned thing. We just got the complaint notice from the Feds sent to the Grandest High Poobah-malot over in Legal.
He, of course, came looking for someone to blame. Guess who's name is first on the list??? Thank God for dated email records...
people are all 5-10 pay grades above me, making double or triple my salary. WTF do they do all day that they can't make a decision and generate a form letter in 4 weeks?
Clearly, there is some bureaucratic fellatio and/or felching that I have not mastered yet.