Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Sunday, October 31, 2004

The broom was jumped...

Well, that was quite a trip. Haven't added up all the bills yet for gas, food, hotel, LIQUOR!!! and all, but whatever the cost, it was well worth it.

Arrived at Rockhauler's Beagle Repository and Child Care Center just after 10 pm Friday, and promptly knocked on the wrong door, waking up kids, his brother, and an extremely yappy weiner dog. Seems Rockhauler decamped the garage apartment without warning me first. After the mandatory coat of beagle fur was applied to me & my possessions, I became one with the couch until awakened the next morning by a cold beagle nose strategically applied to the small of my back where my shirt was untucked. That'll jolt you awake pretty quick.

Next morning we went out sightseeing in the PimpSled, checking out most of Tarrant County in the vain hope of finding a used bookstore I used to frequent. We found a bulldozed empty lot in the approximate area, and fear the worst.
Next stop was Angelo's BBQ, for a plate of the best ribs on earth. I know that's a bold claim, but these are truly Ribs Of The Gods. No sauce necessary. So good you almost carry out the stripped bones to suck on the rest of the afternoon. Nothing compares to these ribs, not K.C. BBQ or Memphis 'cue. I won't even relate this Sacred Texas Ambrosia with the abominations done in the Carolinas, where Minions of Satan profane the Holy Pig by sprinkling vinegar on its cooked flesh in a debauched baptismal ritual.

After procuring hired lodgings within easy weaving distance of the wedding site, it was off to Arlington for dinner with another friend from jobs past, and then off to see 'Team America'. Pretty funny movie, but you'd best have a thick skin and good sense of perverted humor to fully appreciate it.

After killing time in Half-Price books for an hour or so after parting ways with the Deanster, I headed over to the wedding site and got there about 11:15 p.m. It was held in some sort of New Age Habitat. I read the office directory inside the main building, and it listed lots of people with unrecognizable letter combinations behind their names, (which seem to indicate a need for the respect a PhD or MD brings, but for which sufficient schooling was not achieved) and organizations like "Center for Mind/Body/Soul Expansion" and "Aromatherapy Recovery Society". OK, I'm making that up, but they weren't that far off. In truth, it was a lot of Certified Social Workers who probably do a little bit of good, and probably no real harm to folks who need that kind of belief structure. I know, I know, always Mr. Skeptical here....

The wedding was nice, with a large crowd of folks who truly wished the couple well. It's nice to see that, and it adds to the joy of the day in a way that perfunctory attendance by indifferent relatives never achieves.

The ceremony started with two satyrs (male and female... More on her later...) ringing bells all around the ceremony site. I surmise it was to welcome happy spirits or scare off the cheeky ones. They also waved a lot of incense and generally pranced about like... goats.

The groom wore black (and looked like a slightly Goth version of Skywalker in Return of the Jedi), and the bride wore red velvet dress with black embroidery (or some dark color, Hell, it was dark and outdoors...) and a black corset/bustier contraption. The whole bridal rig was topped with a small veil which was thankfully worn back so Jenni's radiant smile was on full display.

The processional was Pachelbel's Canon. The ceremony was presided over by a Wiccan priestess, or whatever they call themselves. It was mercifully short. Not that I wouldn't have gladly sat (and kneeled, and rose, and sat & kneeled...) through a full Roman Catholic Mass for J & B, but IMHO it shows a lot of thoughtfulness on the part of the bride & groom for a standing room only crowd when the ceremony is kept to a minimum. After the incense waving, candle lighting and exchange of vows, it was a done deed. The couple strode down the aisle as a newly married pair, to the best wedding recessional I've EVER heard.

The "Imperial March" by John Williams, from the 'Star Wars' trilogy. A truly inspired selection! Bravo!

Afterwards there was the usual traditions of a wedding, the toast, the first dance, the tossing of bouquet and garter (where I was nominated for the Most Stylish Avoidal of Falling Garter award for my Baryshnikov-like glissade out of the line of fire.)

OK, the satyrette... There was lots and lots of eye-candy at the wedding. From the green fairy flitting about in a tiny little skintight suit to the petite little Viking girl in braids to the little brunette whose name I never caught who was exactly my "type", there was no lack of pretty young things to admire and chat up. That satyrette kept catching my eye though...
She and her partner had crafted their pants/leggings out of some brown furry material, and they had these thick hoof-like booties. They were both spangled up with glitter and very fetching eye makeup, little horns, the whole satyriffic setup. He was shirtless, she had a leather bikini top on, very nicely filled out.

So, as a long time admirer of the female form, there's a few types that cross your path. Most are of the "Wow, she's cute" or "What a babe" types, where it's just a casual admiration of a pretty girl. Every now and then, though, you run across the type that provokes a "I must impregnate her immediately!" kind of vibe. That's exactly the vibe I got from the satyrette, even though, while certainly attractive enough, she just didn't fit in the usual scheme of what El Capitan normally likes. Nevetheless, it was almost a magnetic pull for my eyes. I had to go wander around other areas and talk to other folks just to avoid seeming rude and all geeky/creepy.

I suppose I was either tapping into a long dormant atavistic reaction to the legendary satyr mythos, or I have an undiscovered thing for goats. I hope to ghod it's the former...
It was probably the leather bikini top. Glub knows I have a weakness for tanned animal hide stretched tautly over the curvy portions of the human female anatomy. And she was curvy... Sacré Merde was she curvy!

I finally wobbled off to the PimpSled just after 3 a.m., and got back to the motel in one piece. The Daylight Savings Time fallback couldn't have come on a better weekend.

Met Andy & Laura for lunch at J. Gilligans for their great burgers and a little college-era nostalgia thrown in. We chatted for a long time, and afterwards sauntered down to the Central Arlington Half Price Books to meet Al, another old college buddy. We got to spring the "Laura's pregnant" surprise on him, and I thought the man was gonna break out in tears. He'll probably grin all night! (Al was Andy's best man, so, yeah, they're pretty tight)

So, all in all, a great trip. I can't imagine what else I could've done over the weekend that would've made it better.

Except for maybe some goat wrangling...

Friday, October 29, 2004

I'm off like a prom dress....

8 hours of municipal drudgery, then I'm heading north up to Dallas for the weekend. Jenni's finally making an honest man out of Barry, and they're doing it in the true Samhain spirit.

I've been to a handfasting before, but never one at midnight on Halloween. Two points for style, sweetie! I just hope we're not required to appear skyclad for the event. I forgot to get my back waxed...

So, no posts until Sunday night. I'd post pics, but the digital camera is busy out in W. Texas, as Mom needed it to take pics of my sister's pregnant belly. At 6 weeks, there's no bulge that wasn't there already (Sorry, sis...) but you know how Moms are.

Adios, ramblers. See ya in 3 days.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Booze Reviews - #1

Well, every successful blog's got a gimmick. Guess I'll turn my penchant for sampling alcoholic beverages into a blogschtick of my own.

Editor's note: One of these weeks I'll have some time to set up image hosting. Until then, just use your imagination!

OK, the first candidate is a cider. Specifically, Woodchuck Draft Cider, and in this case, their Granny Smith variety.

This cider comes in a six pack of green Heineken-looking bottles. The twist-off caps are a nice touch, one that all cider makers don't use, but should.
I hate lugging around openers, and I like my dental work too much to chew the cap off.

Cost was about $6.75 for the sixpack, which seems to be the inescapable price these days for anything one step up from fermented swill. God, I miss the days of $2.99 Rolling Rock sixers, before the hipsters caught on and made it popular.

Why cider? I do like beer, but I'm rarely in a beer mood very often. I don't drink often enough to keep a supply of beer in the house, and when I do feel like a drink, about 90% of the time I'm gonna pour liquor anyway. This time, I chose cider for the Kool-Ade factor. It goes down quick and clean, there's usually no funky aftertaste, and it tastes like, well, alcoholic Kool-Ade.

This particular cider started off OK, with a nice crisp & tart apple flavor. No discernible alcohol taste, and if you are of a mind to, you could toss these back pretty darned quick.

However.... the tartness comes back to bite you later. There's a bit of a nasty aftertaste that's uncomfortably reminiscent of that first surge of puke in the back of your throat. You know, the hurl you think you're gonna keep down, but then you forget how shitfaced you are and have that last beer that puts you over the edge into the spinning dizzies, before you finally fall over and blow chunks all over your couch. It almost takes a swig of Liquid PlumR the next morning to scrape that nasty taste out of your mouth.

So, only five out of ten pulltabs on this one, mainly due to the uncomfortable memories the aftertaste caused to well up.

Better luck next time, Woodchuckeroos.

Ya say you wanna revolution??

To get a conservative's position on the previous topic, check out what Mike at Cold Fury has to say.

Wednesday, October 27, 2004

Discretion in Concession

Y'know, 12 years ago I was absolutely sure that GHWB would refuse to concede if Clinton won the election. After all, he had the backing of the military. Bush Sr.'s crew had told us repeatedly that Clinton was a dope-smoking draft dodger who would sell us out to his Russki overlords. Besides, there was still war to be waged overseas. We needed to stay the course, add a few more points of light. All that B.S.

I'm fairly certain I was sitting with Andy & Laura that night in 1992 when the returns came in. We were either at her apartment or at Mike & Steve's odiferous cathouse. Either way, we all rejoiced when Clinton whomped up on Bush.

10 weeks later, Bush moved out, the Clintons moved in, and we had yet another peaceful transfer of power. My fears of a Republican coup vanished. I secretly breathed a sigh of relief now that I knew a draft would not suck me into the armed services and into a foreign land to go die for oil.

I was a LOT younger then. Full of piss & vinegar and ready to take on the world. Fuck the establishment! Power to the people! How about a war for broccoli, you fascist pig!

I was also very, very naive. Most political positions I held then I still hold today, so consistency wasn't the issue. It was a lack of real-world knowledge and age-gained wisdom. I thought I was a weird sort of Texas Democrat ( a very conservative Democrat, anyway) , but I knew I didn't fully support their entire platform. It would take a few more years before the Libertarian in me bubbled to the surface.

Next Tuesday evening, we will see an ugly sight. The mainstream media, stung by last election's early call gaffe, will be less on the stick to declare a winner. What they WILL do is air every little grievance, real or imagined, in an effort to generate controversy. Remember, no one gives a shit about good news. Bad news makes the good ratings. This will add to the chaos created by packs of rabid lawyers filing suits as fast as their little paws can write them out.

Personally, I predict a Bush win, but by only 10-12 electoral votes. Not nearly enough for a mandate, but one clearly a win via legitimate means. This, of course, will immediately be challenged by the Dems as a matter of course. Hell, Nader may throw his hat in the litigation ring. In response, Bush's crew will fight just as hard as Gore's did in 2000.

I can't say what will happen next. It may go to SCOTUS, in which case Bush will more than likely prevail. He will then be essentially worthless for the next 4 years as the shrieks from the left raise to deafening levels. If Kerry manages to get enough votes, he'll probably face a handful of challenges, but nothing too serious. Bush won't be happy, but since the Repubs will control Congress (btw Andy, Frost is gonna have his ass handed to him by Sessions...) they can stand to have Kerry in the White House, knowing they hold most of the purse strings.

My friend Kevin claims this is the best form of government, when one party holds the White House, and the other controls Congress. That way, he says, neither side can do much damage.

There will be no coup, though. Even Republicans know it's bad for business.

Anyway, sorry for the ramble. It's late, and I'm gonna call it a night.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Am I really?

Probably a bit early to say for sure.... wonder how they test these quizzes for accuracy and repeatability?

Found at Tiffany's place

You Are a Snarky Blogger!

You've got a razor sharp wit that bloggers are secretly scared of.
And that's why they read your posts as often as they can!

100 Things About Me

100 Things About Me

1. I can play guitar, but not real well. I haven't really played in over 8 years. The neck on my beloved old Silvertone archtop needs reattaching, and I keep running into repair shops who harp on the fact that the repair cost is 3 times the value of the guitar. How can you let someone with that attitude work on your axe? It's not about the dollar value, ya idjits!

2. I started to develop arthritis in college, but hopefully I have 15-20 years to go before my knuckles look like walnuts.

3. I would love to hunt Cape Buffalo with a handgun, grizzly bear with a bow & arrow, and wild boar with a pigsticker. If you're gonna hunt, then might as well let the animal have a shot at you, too.

4. I once drank 2/3 of a 1.75L bottle of whiskey on New Years, yacked it up outside, then went in and polished off the bottle before midnight. Second worst hangover ever.

5. I think Mozart's Overture to The Marriage Of Figaro is the sum total of all that is grand and wonderful about classical music, distilled down into 4 minutes of sheer perfection.

6. Despite my appreciation of fine art, antiques & musicals as well as having a military-grade internal Gaydar, I'm straight. Yes, I'm sure! Thanks for asking!

7. I would love to see U2 kick REM's ass at a truckstop. Bonus points for making Michael Stipe cry.

8. My friends have called me generous and caring, but I have the capability of being a severe asshole.

9. I don't actively practice any religion, but I do like the concept of karma.

10. Every evaluation from my entire scholastic & work career can be summed up in 3 words... Bright, Talented, Lazy.

11. I own every Louis L'amour book in print. Ditto for the novels of Clive Cussler, Bernard Cornwell, David Lindsey, Randy Wayne White, and I'm only lacking a few hard-to-find John D. MacDonalds!

12. I am completely mesmerized by precision craftsmanship. I can stare at the clockwork of a Breguet or Audemars Piguet for hours.

13. I probably consume my own volume in Diet Rite soda on a monthly basis. Ditto for iced tea. UPDATE: Coke Zero is moving into the #1 spot.

14. Any spider with a legspan larger than a dime absolutely creeps me out. Never try to hand me a tarantula, I will kill it immediately, then kill you.

15. I am an Eagle Scout. I would like to get back into Scouting, but am having issues with some of their current policies.

16. I'm generally law-abiding. That being said, if I could make off with a Federal Reserve truck full of used $100 bills without getting caught or killing anyone, I'd probably do it.

17. I can't listen to John Philip Sousa's 'Stars And Stripes Forever' without getting goosebumps.

18. My capacity for tasteless humor knows no bounds. See "asshole" statement above.

19. It would greatly amuse me to see formal dueling used to settle disputes once again. People would be a lot more polite if they risked getting a yard of steel through their brisket for mouthing off.

20. Right now is always a good time for a nap.

21. I am probably the world's worst swimmer. How I passed Lifesaving merit badge as a kid is a mystery.

22. I have an extremely wide range of interests, so much so that I never stick with one long enough to be great at it. I'm not quite a dilettante, but I personify the phrase "Jack of All Trades, Master of None".

23. I hate the climate in the sub-tropical swamp that is Houston. I'd rather freeze than sweat. Since I don't want to leave Texas, I guess I ought to move to Amarillo.

24. I have only been outside of the U.S. a few times, either in Canada or in Mexican border towns.

25. I'd like to own a trio of long-haired miniature dachshunds and a pair of Siamese cats. The dogs would be named Andouille, Kielbasa and Chorizo. The cats would be called Shiwan Khan and Yeng Ko.

26. I've started writing dozens of novels. Only two are worth completing, in my opinion.

27. If I sing around you, I'm either drunk, or truly comfortable in your presence.

28. On both the Stanford-Binet and the Wechsler, I missed "The Big G" by 4 points. This bothers me, though perhaps it shouldn't.

29. I'm not a fan of abortion as a method of birth control, but I do not believe that egg fertilization = human life. "If it were done when 't is done, then 't were well It were done quickly." Get it done early in the 1st trimester, or don't do it at all.

30. I've been hung up over various women many times, but the Love Bug has only seriously bitten twice.

31. I drive a Cadillac Fleetwood sedan, chocolate brown with tan leather interior. I call it the PimpSled. UPDATE:Caddy's gone... Now I drive a Ford F150 4x4 pickup.

32. I currently use a G4 flat panel iMac (the iLamp). I hope to upgrade to a G5 iMac this year. UPDATE: G5 acquired, but is on the fritz. Currently using a borrowed eMac.

33. I have a constant battle with entropy. My place can be perfectly clean, but it steadily devolves into squalor until guests are due to visit. The jungle is then hacked back and stuffed into closets, and the cycle repeats.

34. I would rather go to a museum than a ball game.

35. I have field-dressed a deer in less than 7 minutes. I was racing against a setting sun, and did not have a flashlight.

36. My younger sister and I were both adopted as infants.

37. I'm not a treehugger, but it would give me great pleasure to torpedo whaling ships and use a sledgehammer on people who club seal pups.

38. I own x pistols and x+1 rifles. Not nearly enough, and Hell No, I'm not stating the exact amount!

39. I think nothing tastes better than ice cold well water out of a metal dipper.

40. I've spent more money on books in the last decade than I have on vacations or dating women.

41. I spent months designing a wargame about the Waterloo battle, but never got past initial playtesting.

42. I have a real pottymouth at times. I probably let an F-bomb slip out in public more often than I realize.

43. I fully support legalization of marijuana. The health dangers have never been proven. The people with a vested interest in seeing it remain illegal (cops, politicians, the alcohol and paper trade) are doing the most to hold legalization back.

44. I'm down to one grandparent, and I fear Grandma Annabel has just about reached the end of her tether. ***UPDATE*** 2/21/05 - I'm now fresh out of grandparents.

45. My first computer bought with my own cash was an Atari 1040 ST in 1988.

46. "The Blues Brothers" and "Trading Places" are my all-time favorite comedy movies.

47. I love elaborate pranks, or those that send a message. Doing a great one without causing damage, injury or getting caught is one of my favorite things.

48. Call me cruel and heartless, but I think that $$$ used for developing for the long term outward expansion of the human race is infinitely better spent than using $$$ to stem the tide of impending Malthusian disaster.

49. I once played Capture The Flag on an empty cruise ship.

50. I used to get up at 6 am just to see Valerie Allain on the "French In Action" PBS language show. "Ah, Mireille, mon choux! Voulez vouz coucher avec moi ce soir?" See, I learned a lot!

51. I like sushi, but I can't bring myself to eat the big red salmon eggs.

52. I sometimes wish I had stuck with metalworking instead of going back to college. I bet I would have made a hell of a machinist. I miss making intricate things with my hands.

53. My personal library has over 3000 books. Unfortunately, most reside in boxes instead of shelves.

54. I like thin crust pizza with sausage, mushrooms and onions.

55. My house is a mess, but my weapons are spotless. At least I have my priorities straight.

56. I believe creating art without skilled technique is akin to cooking while blindfolded and without a recipe. Sure, you'll get lucky once in a while, but most of what you produce will be useless crap.

57. I think I would have been better off in life if I had joined one of the Armed Services right out of high school.

58. I'm partial to Maker's Mark bourbon, Glenmorangie scotch, Barbancourt rum, Gordon's gin and Centenario tequila. I appreciate beer & wine, and have consumed a lot of each, but liquor is my tipple of choice.

59. I'd love to live on a boat, but my indifference to regular maintenance would sink me pretty quick.

60. Given 2000 acres, I'd raise buffalo, longhorn cattle, goats, and a shitload of marijuana.

61. I'm tired of the PC vs. Mac argument. Use the platform you prefer, and shut up about it.

62. I was contacted by my biological brother through the adoption agency 10 years ago, but chose not to respond. I have a family already.

63. Something I was involved in was a factor in having a University President resign. I'll look into the statute of limitations, and blog about it later if I'm in the clear.

64. I have had numerous run-ins with Johnny Law, yet have managed to avoid the shiny silver bracelets each time.

65. The idea of involuntary indoctrination of children bothers me so much, I question the wisdom of ever becoming a parent.

66. I have learned that is possible to have sex on a motor scooter.

67. I don't get in touch with my friends as often as I should.

68. I'd like to distill, bottle and market a Texas whiskey. That stuff ought to sell like crazy overseas.

69. I have no moral objections to cloning or gene modifications. I see humanity more in biological terms than in spiritual terms. Grow me some gills, & I'll gladly be Homo Aquaticus.

70. Briefs. I go commando every so often just to give the boys a day out, though.

71. My first car was a hand-me-down. Dad gave me the old Family Truckster, a 1977 Dodge Aspen station wagon, along with a Chilton manual and a set of tools. It lasted 4 years before the engine blew.

72. I cannot stand ice cream with bits or chunks of stuff in it. Putting almonds or other nuts in ice cream should be punishable by death. Just plain ol' ice cream, please.

73. I have no real objection to gay marriage, but I think it would be accepted quicker if they pushed for "civil unions" instead of wanting the fairytale wedding. No pun intended.

74. I have blue eyes, and they're probably my best feature. I have people stop me in public to compliment me on them, which weirds me out more than a little.

75. In spite of the above statement, if they ever develop practical mirrorshade contact lenses, I'll be first in line to buy 'em.

76. I haven't had a hot cup of coffee since 1996. I was cutting back on caffeine, and I never saw the point of drinking unleaded coffee. UPDATE: Broke my fast. Had a cup at a meeting where I caught a tickle in my throat and couldn't stop coughing. It was the only liquid available...

77. I have never set foot in a Hooter's. If you must ogle women, go to a strip club and pay for the privilege, not a low-rent, soft-core chicken-wing shack.

78. My favorite chain restaurant is Texas Land & Cattle Steakhouse. UPDATE: Carino's Italian is gaining ground quickly due to their awesome wedge salad.

79. I have this persistent yet firmly repressed desire to pierce my cat's ears and put in little gold earrings. She'd look so great! I'd probably do it if she wouldn't tear them out while scratching with her back feet. Hey, no whining! People do this to babies all the time!

80. Yes, the above obsession came from reading C.J. Cherryh's 'Pride of Chanur' series...

81. "Casablanca" is my favorite movie, but the Lord Of The Rings trilogy is a very close second.

82. If I still smoked cigarettes, I'd be smoking Camel Filters, and lighting them with my brass Zippo. (Not to be confused with the Grey-Plumed Parrotheaded Zippo)

83. I can throw a tomahawk well enough to split playing cards at 10 paces. Once I get warmed up and in the groove, I rarely miss.

84. I've had my head hair gradually disappearing starting back in my early 20's. I just can't bring myself to go the chrome-dome route, but you won't catch me in a combover, either.

85. My eyesight used to be extraordinary, but the years are taking their toll. This bugs me worse than losing my hair.

86. I'll keep my opinions about your religion to myself unless you try and proselytize. Then, the gloves come off and you will not be happy with me.

87. I have two tattoos I love, and one that I probably shouldn't have gotten.

88. I've eaten fried grasshoppers. They do not taste like chicken.

89. I switched majors 7 times in college, and eventually got a BA in Advertising and a 2nd BA in Sociology. I use neither in my current occupation.

90. I would like to beat the record for driving through all 48 contiguous states. I would use a bus or motor home towing a diesel-tank trailer, and never stop except for red lights. And not many of those!

91. I wish I could draw and paint with some degree of skill.

92. My favorite sculptor is Jean-Antoine Houdon, my favorite painter is Claude Monet. My 2nd favorite painter is Earl Scheib.

93. I think RC Cola tastes better than Coke or Pepsi. Dr Pepper beats all three.

94. My guitar wants to kill yo' mama! (Sorry, running out of steam here...)

95. I'm pretty good at tying cherry stems into a knot using only my tongue.

96. I learned that the signal cannon at one of my old summer camps has a bore exactly the size of C-cell batteries, and a filmcan-sized charge of powder will send a battery halfway across the lake. Do not ask me how I discovered this.

97. I haven't missed an Indy 500 since 1985. One of these years, I'll manage to go see it live.

98. I have visited Hippy Hollow and gone skinnydipping.

99. My favorite color used to be blue, but over the years, I came to prefer dark green.

100. My perfect Xmas list would be: A wad of cash large enough to pay for a custom-designed 10,000 sq. ft. house on 5000 acres of land; a mint condition Lamborghini Espada with Monica Bellucci in the passenger seat; A C-130 and free air-tanker privileges worldwide; a new M14 and a new Thompson SMG with a gunnysack full of 50-round drum mags, A new G5 Mac with the 30" Cinema Display, and maybe world peace.

Nah, screw world peace, I wanna try out the tommygun!

El Capitan's Texas Prayer

Now, be reverent!!

Blessed Motherland, Our beautiful state, hallowed be thy name!
Thy rivers run, under red-gold sun,
On Earth, as it is in Texas.
Give us this day our daily BBQ,
And forgive us our pride, as we forgive those born in lesser lands.
Lead us not into Oklahoma, and deliver us some Shiner,
For thou art our beloved Republic, with the power and the glory, for ever and ever,


Democrats: The party of Diversity and Tolerance...

I got a good giggle out of this guy's story...

Got the link from Graumagus whose blog turned one year old yesterday. Go wish him well, and buy him a new Brown Bess flintlock.

Monday, October 25, 2004

'Cause sometimes you don't like either one...

In response to Andy's question regarding why people don't vote against Bush, I can offer the following, at least for myself.

Bush has some pretty extreme positions and has made some egregious errors that keep me from voting for him. After inflicting the Patriot Act upon us, he still ignores the sieve we are currently using as a southern border. He appointed John "Holier-Than-Thou" Ashcroft as AG, which still irks me. He hasn't done enough on the domestic front apart from No Child Left Behind and Medicare reform. Those were a good start, but he needed about 5 more projects of equal stature in his 1st term. There are other Bush accomplishments that help to balance the bad, IMHO. Again, not enough to make me mark "R" instead of "L" on the ballot, but enough that marking a "D" is not an option either. Here's a list:

*Signed the Teacher Protection Act, which protects teachers from lawsuits related to student discipline.
*Signed two income tax cuts, one of which was the largest dollar-value tax cut in world history.
*Reduced and is working to ultimately eliminate the estate tax for family farms and ranches.
*Increased the annual contribution limit on Education IRA's from $500 to $2,000 per child.
*Make permanent the $5,000 adoption tax credit and provide $1 billion over five years to increase the credit to $10,000.
*Grant a complete tax exemption for prepaid or college tuition savings plans.
*Established a $2.4 billion fund to help states implement teacher accountability systems.
*Killed the Kyoto Global Warming Treaty. (this is worth a post in and of itself... stay tuned)
*Killed U.S. involvement in the International Criminal Court.
*Told the United Nations we weren't interested in their plans for gun control (i.e. the International Ban on Small Arms Trafficking Treaty).
*The only President since the founding of the UN to essentially tell that organization it is irrelevant.
(Source -

Now, these may enrage or appall you, but not me. And I'm voting for me, not you. Verstehen Sie?

The war is troubling. Deeply so. Even so, the unease I might have felt at the lack of WMDs disappeared instantly as soon as these horrible sights were unearthed all over Iraq. Saddam and his Baathist Bastards needed to go. Bush made it happen. There are free elections in Afghanistan now that the Taliban has been shattered. Bush made it happen. Were we misled about WMDs? Probably. Are Bechtel and Halliburton making millions? Definitely. Doesn't change the fact that hundreds of thousands of civilians are no longer being exterminated on a tyrant's whim. I dislike a prevaricating president, but I DESPISE a mass-murdering dictator.

If Bush is re-elected, or Kerry lawyers his way in, it will not be the end of the U.S.A. It will not even be the beginning of the end. When Jefferson triumphed over Hamilton, plenty of Federalists predicted anarchy, doom & gloom. When Lincoln was elected, states seceded not too long afterwards. Grant was a drunk. Cleveland an adulterer. FDR a closet Commie. Nixon WAS a crook. The U.S. has survived them all.

It all comes down to who best fits your vision of the future. Kerry would have us tapdancing to the UN's pennywhistle. Bush is too socially conservative. Neither one works for me. Right now, the only vote I can see casting is for the candidate that shares the majority of my views. This time around, it's Michael Badnarik and the Libertarian Party. Nope, they haven't a chance in hell of winning, but it's not a wasted vote. If that vote is seen as a de facto vote for the Bush administration, well, I can't polish someone else's rose-colored glasses, only my own.

Monday's Bleat

Lileks is in good form this morning. Loved the bit about the trees. Wish I could be that poetic at midnight....

Give it a read.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

No NaNoWriMo this year....

Well, after last year's less-than-stellar performance, I thought about trying NaNoWriMo again.

Last year I had everything going for me. Unemployed, so loads of free time. A great new idea, and a shaky but hopeful commitment to start putting words on paper every day.

Well, no dice. Of a 50,000 word goal, I barely cracked 10K before I quit. I couldn't stay on topic, couldn't quit playing Age Of Empires, and couldn't turn off the TV.

This year, I'm employed, got a few side projects I'm involved in, and I just don't think it's gonna work out.

I know there's a novel in here somewhere. One of these days it'll get dragged out.

Reason #474 I like the Mac

'Cause I spent the afternoon in Galveston watching two smokin' hot bikini models slowly rub tanning oil all over each other's taut, toned bodies.

All this courtesy of Zippo and Delsk, two guys I met on the Macintosh-only Gameranger servers. Zip's got a gig as a video director/producer for a vacation-related firm, and gets to spend his days ogling beautiful wimmen while allegedly making sales support DVDs.

Damn, tough job, but someone's gotta do it. He's nice enough to invite me & Delsk (who provided transport to the beach) to share in the awesome sight. We tried to take him to lunch to return the favor, but he had to catch a flight back up north.

So, kiddies, when Mom tells you that nothing good can come of computer gaming, tell her to blow it out her saggy ass.

Excuse me, I need to go re-adjust my trousers again...

Irrational Exuberance

Here's a taste of the types of "civilized" behavior we're seeing lately, courtesy of Juliette's blog.

Lawrence O'Donnell disgraced himself here. I'm not going to go so far to say he had marching orders from the DNC to scream "LIAR" every time O'Neill opened his mouth, but it was definitely a childish and petulant display of behavior.

I wish the media could do what the sports leagues do... Fine him $50k and suspend him for two weeks!

Saturday, October 23, 2004

Blow Jobs and Hand Jobs and Rim Jobs, oh my!

Anyway, for the source of all this fun with Andy... go here & read this (including comments).

Then read this.

Then come back here.

One might also argue that the Emancipation Proclamation, the Civil Rights Act and the order to desegregate schools (among other things) also came from the Oval Office. I dunno if that evens everything out, but I still view the Office and the man occupying it are worthy of respect, even if I disagree vehemently with their policies. Towards the end of his 2nd term, I despised Bill Clinton and his rabid harpy with an icy cold passion. Still, given the opportunity, I would not have refused to shake his hand, or done something stupid like fling pies at him. Call me old fashioned, but some things are Just Not Done. Yeah, he was a philandering weasel, but he was OUR weasel. You don't insult the opponent, you just vote him out.

To call the Oval Office just another room kinda misses the point, though. Yeah, JFK probably banged Marilyn there before he had RFK order Hoover to have her offed. No doubt FDR got a handjob or two. Hell, ol' Silent Cal Coolidge might have had his own little "jazz recital" (to use the vernacular of the day) while gazing out at the South Lawn. Doesn't make it right in any case. I'm not talking about the sex, either. I'm talking about sex in an inappropriate place.

As one who refuses to subscribe to the frightening philosophy of Deconstructionism, I still have a few moral values that I try to adhere to. No doubt the liberal elite Postmodernites find them amusing (though lacking in nuance) in an artlessly provincial way. Still, I feel you gotta draw the line somewhere. So, for the record, as far as I'm concerned, sex is OK. Gay sex, furry sex, oral sex, butt sex, elbow sex, hammock sex, igloo sex, whatever blows your kilt up. As long as everyone's a willing participant (which does exclude animals and children... sorry, that informed consent thing is vital), I'm perfectly OK with it. I don't think you should cheat on a partner that expects monogamy, but that's my "hang-up", not yours, so do what ya gotta do. I may disapprove, but you'll never hear about it unless you specifically ask my opinion. I'm a bit different from the Xtians and the busybody Nanny-Staters that way.

It's the WHERE that matters. In your car, in your tree, in your boat on the sea... that's all good. There's just a few places I feel, in my old-fashioned way, that it's inappropriate to share our Precious Bodily Fluids. I'd like to think that humans have evolved to the point where we can control our whims and not relieve ourselves sexually wherever the urge strikes. So, sex in the office? Big NO on that one. You're there to make a living, not get your pipes cleaned. I'll give you a pass on this on if you're a porn star.

Howzabout in church? Well, the Xtian bible said "be fruitful and multiply", but I'm not sure they intended people to shag on the altar or in the pews. I'm not a member of any organized religion, and don't personally hold any great regard for the church building in other than an aesthetic manner. OTOH, I have many friends that do attend a church regularly, and they would feel great disgust should I pitch or catch in their baptismal pool. It is partially my regard for their feelings that keep me from fucking in a confessional, but mostly because there's an unwritten social contract that states that we don't need to crap on what's important to others. When that contract is broken, polite society starts to fade.

Now, as for Clinton and his Oval Office hummer. If Andy and I are both OK on the sex part, not OK on the extramarital part, split on the location part, and still at an impasse, what's left?

How about Conduct Unbecoming? He was, after all, the leader of the Armed Forces.

How about it was just tasteless? For the most powerful man in the free world, he sure hung out with some ugggllleee wimmenfolks.

On to Andy's other points...

1. The extramarital component was the problem I had with Clinton’s behavior. I mean really, should he have insisted on taking her to the war room so the Oval Office would remain unsullied? Please.

See? Now that's just silly. Everyone knows that *fighting* isn't allowed in the War Room. Fucking's perfectly OK. And, yes, he shoulda boffed her elsewhere.

2. I don’t think Jack Ryan did anything wrong in asking his wife to have public sex with strangers.

Well, IMHO it's creepy as hell, and he's an inconsiderate bastard for springing it on her in public. The act of asking in itself is no moral crime, though.

3. No arguments on this one.

4. Hey, Mary Cheney had a job as gay-lesbian liaison for Coors. She is managing her father’s reelection campaign. Her father has acknowledged in public she is a lesbian. Sorry, you can’t have your cake (or is that pie?) and eat it too. Naming her is legitimate.

Legitimate, yes, but pretty crass nonetheless. You didn't see Cheney complain that Govt. spending would increase because Edwards's wife would have to have a special Air Force One seat made to accommodate her spacious backside.

5. No arguments on this one.

OK, that's all for now. I still need to go pollute Andy's comments with links back here.

Adios, buckaroos....

To Debate or Not to Debate....

Wow. Where to begin... For starters, I needed to go ahead and get my own blog up and running if I'm gonna start the ol' Lincoln-Douglas thing with my old friend Andy. Except I'm not a Republican... and I haven't debated in years... Oh well.

I want to say right off the bat that I have my doubts about doing this. Already I'm catching an attitude off of Andy's post that I don't think I would have gotten if we were speaking face to face. Maybe I'm just reading too much into it, but lately the liberal side of the aisle has gotten extremely strident to the point where rational discourse is a difficult thing.

I've known Andy for 13+ years, though, through drunken TARAL road trips and Attack Of The Xtian Sister, and too many other adventures to count. The last thing I want is the heat to slowly increase until the kettle is boiling and neither one of us can hop out, thereby killing a friendship. Hopefully he feels the same way.

The fact is, though, that I'm a small-"L" libertarian (look it up) who stands for national sovereignty, personal responsibility, and individual freedom. Andy, IMHO, is more of a social-justice oriented Anarcho-Democrat. (don't look that one up, it ain't there). The two stances are not mutually exclusive orientations. Our political Venn diagrams intersect on several points, but I'd be misrepresenting the case if I claimed they're moving closer together over the years.

Therein lies the rub.... Do you continue to critique each other's posts, and slowly add a thin layer of disagreement after another? After a while, that shell's pretty tough to crack. I was there by him when he got married. I'd like to be there when his child is born. It seems illogical that a spat over who's the next occupant of the White House could threaten that.

On the other hand, there's times when I just can't let a remark go unchallenged. Not just because I disagree with a friend's comments, but especially because it's a friend of mine that I perceive as veering into the dangerous waters of irrational thought or emotional diatribes. Andy and I tend to associate with people of uncommon mental horsepower for the simple reason that the give and take of enlightened debate is intellectually stimulating. When emotion takes over, though, logic inevitably takes a back seat.

I'm not saying that I'm immune from getting P.O.'ed over political issues, but when you're sitting out of the line of fire of the the Repub/Dem broadsides, you do have a perspective that's less tainted by party affiliation.

So, let's just take this slow. Hell, it may all die down by Election Day.

But I wouldn't count on it.

Let's not get all personal, now.

Call me Cap, by the way. It's a long, long story dating back to high school band, involving Captain Jack sunscreen and promotional bumperstickers advertising same.

Now, it's short for El Capitan which is:
a) my favorite JP Sousa march, and
b) the coolest rock face in North America.

It's also a bit of Captain America (my fave comic hero as a kid) and a touch of Captain Morgan (a rum I drink far too much of). Perhaps a tiny pinch of every pirate captain that ever sailed the Spanish Main. Trying to pass 4 semesters of college Spanish added the Latin flavor.

It's my Gameranger gaming handle, my iChat handle (capitan86, anyway. Some scurvy dog beat me to the punch while I was still farting around on OS 9 instead of using OSX and iChat 1.0) and several other internet aliases as well.

So, what's my real name? If you read Andy's blog really carefully, you'll figure out my first name. I wasn't trying to hide my tracks. If you need to know more, give me a compelling reason, and we'll see. No big secret, but who knows where this will take me, and I work in a job that's more political than I expected it to be. The last thing I need is a pissed off alcalde.

First things first....

OK, I've been meaning to do this for a while. I meant to go the Domain Hosting/Typepad route, but time and money are not with me at this point.

So, here's a beginning to what might be a long blogging career.