Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Life's Little Truths

I'm Not Even Gonna Try To Explain Tentacle P0rn.
Suffice To Say That It Exists, And It's Pretty Got-Damned Bizarre...

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

"I'm Only A Dolphin, Ma'am!"

One Of My Favorite SNL Sketches...

Damned Landsharks are turning up in the oddest places...

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Things I’ve Done

A Borrowed Meme Is The Best Meme!

Saw this at Elisson's, and a quick & easy post is always welcome!

He got it here, and that version's a mostly clutter & commentary-free copy if you'd like to do your own version.

Things I’ve done are in bold.

What I’ve done:

1. Started your own blog

2. Slept under the stars
More times than I can count...

3. Played in a band

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower
Perseids, Leonids, whatever, I'm staying up for 'em!

6. Given more than you can afford to charity

7. Been to Disneyland
(I've been to Disneyworld, though!)

8. Climbed a mountain
Truchas Peak, NM, 13,107 ft.

9. Held a praying mantis

10. Sang a solo

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch

15. Adopted a child

16. Had food poisoning
Mmmmm.... Clostridium!

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty

18. Grown your own vegetables
Weed is a vegetable, right?

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France

20. Slept on an overnight train
Amtrak! Indianapolis IN to Miami, FL

21. Had a pillow fight

22. Hitch hiked

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill

24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping
At Hippie Holler!

27. Run a Marathon

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse
Does lunar count?

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
How about watching one, then staying up for the other??

31. Hit a home run
Possibly in softball, not baseball.

32. Been on a cruise

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors

35. Seen an Amish community

36. Taught yourself a new language

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing

40. Seen Michelangelos David

41. Sung karaoke
I was really drunk at the time...

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt

43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant

44. Visited Africa

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight

46. Been transported in an ambulance

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling

52. Kissed in the rain

53. Played in the mud

54. Gone to a drive-in theater

55. Been in a movie

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies

62. Gone whale watching

63. Got flowers for no reason

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma

65. Gone sky diving

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

67. Bounced a check
In the 80's my checks were made of rubber...

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
I still have my little R2-D2 figure.

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial

71. Eaten Caviar
On toast points, no less!

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades

75. Been fired from a job

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London

77. Broken a bone
Only fingers & toes...

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican

82. Bought a brand new car

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper

85. Read the entire Bible

86. Visited the White House

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
Several species worth, in fact...

88. Had chickenpox

89. Saved someone’s life

90. Sat on a jury

91. Met someone famous

92. Joined a book club

93. Lost a loved one

94. Had a baby
(How 'bout a turd as big as a baby?)

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit
A big ugly Federal one. No fun at all...

98. Owned a cell phone

99. Been stung by a bee

100. Read an entire book in one day

Monday, November 24, 2008

El Cap Knows His Guvmint!

Have You Ever Heard Of Plato? Aristotle?? Socrates??? Morons!!

According to these folks, our elected officials scored (on average) only 44% on a 33 question test on Civics. (No, not Honda Civics...)

National average overall was 49%, with Republicans scoring 52% and Democrats scoring just 45%.

El Capitan's score? Read 'er and weep, you mouth-breathing CongressCritters...

I keep telling you, an enlightened despot such as myself can get things moving right along! No death camps, not even for hippies! I promise!!

Take the test here!

Spotted at Rachl Lukis & Puppyblender

Sunday, November 23, 2008


It's A Wonder It's Not Made With Duct Tape...

No longer content with 30 round banana mags, we now have the 100 round watermelon magazine.

It weighs 20 lbs and makes you look like a complete douchebag, but no price is too high to pay to achieve the highest levels of Tacti-Cool!

Friday, November 21, 2008

Space Filler

And I Wonder Why I Keep Losing Readers...

Life's pretty weird right now. Work is proceeding at a perfectly random pace & direction, plus we're being audited. Oh, frabjous day!

The house is still being remodeled at a snail's pace by Carlos The Unreliable. I've lobbied for another contractor, but can't dispute that he does decent work at a cheap price. He's putting in kitchen cabinets and tiling two rooms in exchange for two leather recliners and a bedroom suite that were destined for a garage sale or Goodwill, so the price is OK.

Anyway, I'm too frazzle-headed for any more original content this week, so here's some silly web quizzicles. Enjoy.

Is your cat plotting to kill you?

Name that Soda

Name That Beer Label

Name That Dog Breed

Name That Movie Villain

Name That Element

I named 19 organs in 4 minutes! How many internal organs can you name in 4 minutes?

Name That Candy Bar

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Weird Book Meme

Tag, I'm It Yet Again!

The rules are: Pass it on to five other bloggers, and tell them to open the nearest book to page 56. Write out the fifth sentence on that page, and also the next two to five sentences. The CLOSEST BOOK, NOT YOUR FAVORITE, OR MOST INTELLECTUAL!

Tagged by: Army Of Mom

OK, here goes...

2. A mezzanine having two or more means of egress need not be open into the room in which it is located, provided at least one of the means of egress gives direct access to a protected corridor, exit court or exit.

3. In industry facilities, mezzanines used for control equipment may be glazed on all sides.

V. Two means of egress shall be provided from a mezzanine when two are required by table 10-A.

VI. If any required means of egress enters the room below, the occupant load of the mezzanine shall be added to the occupant load of the room in which it is located.

Well, there you have it. The exciting and incredibly emotional content of the 1997 Uniform Building Code for the City of Houston, Volume One. That's the risk you run by doing these memes at work...

If you want to play, feel free. I'm gonna tag a few folks whose blogs are gathering cobwebs in hopes it spurs them to activity!

The Layabout Sailor

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Temperance Harridans

Couldn't They Take Up Knitting Or Something?

Is that a promise, ladies? 'Cause I'm gonna hold you to that!

Excuse me, I need another drink...

Monday, November 17, 2008

I've Read Every Blog!

Well, The Conservative Blogs, Anyway...

Cue up Johnny Cash's version of "I've Been Everywhere" and sing along**!

I've Read Every Blog!

I was totin' my laptop in a trendy little coffee bar,
When along came a man with a big ol' glass money jar.
"If you're lookin' for WiFi, Mack, it's me you gotta pay!"
And so I logged into his server and then I settled down to stay.
He asked me if I'd seen the blog 'bout nukes in Pakistan...
And I said, "Listen, I've read every blog in this here land!"

I've read every blog, man.
I've read every blog, man.
Working like a dog, man,
Hoppin' like a frog, man
My brain has slipped a cog, man.
I've read every blog...

I've read:
Acidman, Elisson, Malkin, Instapundit,
Bill Whittle, Cowboy Blob, Wizbang, Vodkapundit,
Omnibus, LawDog, NancyFrance, Kevin Baker,
Breda, Johnson, Mirengoff, Hinderaker,
Rorschach, Baldilocks, Mad Ogre, Correia,
Boudicca, Emperor Misha, Walrilla, It's a thrilla!

I've read every blog, man.
I've read every blog, man.
Workin' like a dog, man,
Linkin' like a log, man
My brain has slipped a cog, man.
I've read every blog...

I've read:
Xavier, Hammer, Scalzi & Mostly Cajun,
Key Monroe, Lileks, Blackfive, Charles Johnson,
RivrDog, Cold Fury, Beer Brains, Rachel Lucas,
Den Beste, Esmay, Batfishing, Grouchy Cripple,
Tennessee, Conspiracy, O'Malley, Sondra K,
Caddy Tight, RedState, Venom Kate, for Pete's sake.

I've read every blog, man.
I've read every blog, man.
Working like a dog, man,
Hoppin' like a frog, man
My brain has slipped a cog, man.
I've read every blog...

I've read:
Jimbo, Lord Spats, PawPaw, Alphecca,
Sailor Jim, Anarchangel, Kim Du Toit, Dax Montana,
Townhall, Mudville, Scrappleface, AoM,
Tigerhawk, Total Fark, Trainwreck & Blogonom,
Jim Treacher, TacJammer, Agitator, Clayton Cramer,
Gizmodo, Catalano, see what I mean-o.

I've read every blog, man.
I've read every blog, man.
Working like a dog, man,
Linkin' like a log, man
My brain has slipped a cog, man.
I've read every blog...

I've read:
Althouse, Boiling Point, SuperGurl, Laurence Simon,
Shadowscope, Dog Snot, Catfish, Dead Dog Walkin',
Hog On Ice, Yabu, AllahPundit, Sister Toldjah,
GuyK, Tamara, Erica, Samizdata,
Brothers Judd, Parrothead, Morning Glory, Farmer Jerry,
Dustbury, Sisu Sissy, Feisty Chrissy (Ain't she pissy!!)

I've read every blog, man.
I've read every blog, man.
Working like a dog, man,
Hoppin' like a frog, man
My brain has slipped a cog, man.
I've read every blog...

I've read every blog...

I suppose you could look at this post as either a song parody, or the biggest exercise in linkwhoring the world has ever known...

** A quick warning about singing along... Take a really, really DEEP breath before you begin, and whenever else you can during the tune. Otherwise you'll find the world gets a little gray around the edges before you get to the middle of the 2nd verse. Trust me on this...

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Zen & The Art Of Crapping

What Is The Sound Of One Turd Splashing?

So, is it possible to assume the lotus position while seated on the toilet?

Do the acoustics of a tile bathroom efficiently focus the chanted OM?

I wondered last night, after the completion of a notably large yet efficiently delivered mudweasel, whether or not the moving of one's bowels gained one an appreciable increase in peace of mind.

After all, I've heard it said on many an occasion, and from more than one blogger, that a satisfying dump is a tonic for the soul. You feel a oneness with mankind, indeed a touch of the peace that passeth understanding after a particularly legendary squat.

How far can you take it, though? Can you achieve a higher state of consciousness simply through dropping a deuce? Or must your fecal offloading be accompanied by an assist from the mystic arts?

Can you achieve Turdvana?

Grogan + Yoga = Groga?

Bowel Movement + Transcendental Meditation = BMTM? BTM²?

It bears further study, but on some reflection, I think there's an element missing. It might be that the Holy Trinity of elements needed to reach Turdvana might have to include the semi-legendary Blumpkin.

For those not yet tainted by the foul orc-speech of the seamy side of the Internet, a blumpkin is the act of receiving a blowjob whilst taking a shit. I cannot imagine a person agreeing to be the "kneeler" for this act without an inch-thick wad of Benjamins firmly in hand, but you never know what'll motivate some people to perform the most sordid acts imaginable.

I think you'd also have to involve tantric sex into the Turdvana mix, lest involuntary muscle contractions force an untimely excretion out of one or both orifices. (orifii?)

Well, as I said, it bears further study. Any wisdom you can add, feel free to do so below!

Friday, November 14, 2008

Wile E. Coyote Wins!

Much Maintenance Work In MY Future!

Well, Roadrunner finally crapped out. The coyote ate him, I guess.

I knew that after the Comcast takeover, the old webserver would be going down. Still, it hung on for much longer than I ever expected. I suppose I had begun to hope it would be left up indefinitely, all that data stored in a forgotten server.

Hmmph. No such luck.

Most, if not all of the blog pictures I posted between June 2005 & Dec 2006 are gone into the bitbucket! Page after page of little red X's where jpegs once resided.

All is not lost. In the immortal words of Foghorn Leghorn, "Luckily, Ah say, luckily, Ah keep mah feathers numbered for just such an occasion!"

All my pages are backed up, but it's gonna be one major mofo PITA to go back and re-post them all into Blogger.

Heh. One more reason to hate Comcast...

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Rum, Sodomy & The Lash

A Brief & Partial Guide For Napoleonic Naval Fiction

This blogpost's title is actually a shortened version of a quote misattributed to Winston Churchill. Churchill supposedly said: "The only traditions of the Royal Navy are rum, sodomy and the lash!"

No matter who actually said it, it's witty, pithy and completely untrue. The Royal Navy has a long and glorious tradition of beating the tar out of the French whenever they have the temerity to poke their Frog noses outside of a harbor.

If you're like me and love to read tales of brave men in tall ships blowing the merde out of the French Navy, then you've probably read some of these books. If not, you're in for a treat. You might even be aware of a series that I've not run across, in which case I'd be obliged to you if you left a comment to that effect.

So, in order of my personal preference, here's the Napoleonic Naval series that I've read so far...

(A note on acquiring these books... If, unlike me, you have a sizable bank account, you'll have better luck buying these new than trying to find them used. Though eBay and ABE books have helped matters a great deal, it's very much hit-or-miss trying to locate these secondhand. To me, it's a sign of a good book if you can't find it used... it means people aren't inclined to sell it! Also, try the UK version of for greater luck with the British series. You can often get the UK editions a year earlier than the US release for about the same cost.)

C.S. Forester - Hornblower Series

C.S. Forester, author of The African Queen, also penned this marvelous series about the rise through the Royal Navy ranks of one Horatio Hornblower. From his first appearance as a seasick Midshipman to his retirement as Baron Hornblower GCB, Admiral of the Fleet, you follow Hornblower around the world over the course of 11 books.

Read 'em in any order, but if you're a stickler for earliest to latest, you can find a chronological order of books here at this link.

When I first read the series back in the 80's, copies were difficult to find. They've been reprinted since several times, and with the A&E Channel's Hornblower series starring Ioan Gruffudd (which I also unreservedly recommend...), interest has increased in Forester's best-known works. You might also seek out 'Captain Horatio Hornblower', a 1951 film starring Gregory Peck as Hornblower.

Dewey Lambdin - Alan Lewrie Series

Lambdin writes a very different sort of character than Forester. While both Hornblower and Alan Lewrie rise through the ranks of the Royal Navy, Lewrie is more inclined to shoot first and ask question later, both in matters of love and war. Nicknamed "Ram-Cat Lewrie", there's quite a bit of rogering in Lewrie's off-duty hours, and it frequently gets him in hot water.

Decidedly more adult in tone than Forester's works, Lambdin's books are not overly smutty, just more of an honest reflection of the mores in the era of grog shops and willing tavern wenches. There's no lack of battle, either, both on land and sea.

Lambdin has written 15 books in the series, of which I've managed to track down 10. Well written and exciting (some might say titillating...) these are worth seeking out!

Alexander Kent - Bolitho Series

Alexander Kent is the pen name of Douglas Reeman, who has written an astonishing 29 novels concerning the Bolitho family. Starting with Richard Bolitho and continuing with his nephew Adam, this series begins in 1772, and continues onward through several wars to 1818.

This is an excellent series, and might move up the list once I read all the novels. Out of 29, I've managed to locate 18 on the used book market.

Bernard Cornwell - Sharpe Series

Sharpe's a soldier, not a sailor, but Cornwell still manages to get the scarred rifleman in the thick of the action at Trafalgar and the Battle of Copenhagen. I've got all Cornwell's novels, the Sharpe series and all his other works, and recommend them all very highly.

Patrick O'Brian - Aubrey/Maturin Series

Patrick O'Brian wrote 20 popular novels about sea captain Jack Aubrey and his physician friend Stephen Maturin. He was writing the 21st book when he died at the age of 85.

Unlike Forester or Kent, who jumped around in time with their characters, O'Brian's books are written in the same order as their timeline. This is one series where I'd recommend you start with #1 and proceed in order. I'm up to book #6, for reasons expressed below.

The Aubrey/Maturin series is good, to be sure, but never held my attention as well as Forester or Lambdin. This is not to say it's highbrowed literature. Aubrey is as bawdy in his own way as Lewrie, and has a deliciously low sense of humor.

My true gripe about the Aubrey/Maturin novels? They're too damned expensive. Even when you can find them secondhand (not often) they cost as much as most new paperbacks. Buying them new runs you $15-18 each. Ouch!

Dudley Pope - Ramage Series

Dudley Pope wrote the first Nicholas Ramage novel in 1965, and finished the 18th novel in the series in 1989. Nicholas, Lord Ramage is the scion of a Royal Navy family, upholding tradition for King & Country.

I've only read three Ramage novels, because they're bloody hard to find. The ones I did read ('Ramage', 'The Ramage Touch' and 'Ramage's Diamond') were quite good, and I'm always keeping my eyes peeled for more. If you have a collection you'd like to donate to the cause, please let me know!

Julian Stockwin - Kydd Series

Stockwin's series concerns young Thomas Paine Kydd, a wigmaker pressed into service with the Royal Navy. There's 8 books in the series, but I've only read the first two, 'Kydd' and 'Artemis'. They read as a cross between Forester and O'Brian, so they're quite promising, and I'll likely continue to seek them out.

Frederick Marryat - Mr. Midshipman Easy

Marryat (1792-1848) actually lived during the period in these books! His novel 'Mr. Midshipman Easy' is a semi-autobiographical tale about life in the Navy. He served for many years in the Royal Navy, reaching the rank of Captain.

He's written many novels, but I've only read one so far.

Series I Have Not Yet Read:
Richard Woodman's Nathaniel Drinkwater series
C. Northcote Parkinson's Richard Delancey series
James L. Nelson's Revolution At Sea series
S. Thomas Russell's Charles Hayden series
and many, many others...


Monday, November 10, 2008

The Wreck Of The Crimson Volkswagen

I Wasn't Hauling Iron Ore, Just My Big Ass...

33 years ago today, the Edmund Fitzgerald sank with all hands during a winter storm on Lake Superior.

Canadian singer Gordon Lightfoot wrote a song about it, and it's a great tune.

With its regular meter, it's also pretty easy to swap the words out and make a version to illustrate a vehicle/water mishap of my own...

The scansion's a bit forced in places, and I had to change the verse order to fit the tale, but it's all there, line for line!

So, cue up the music and sing along!

The Wreck Of The Crimson Volkswagen

The legend lives on in that small college town
of the Veedub he named Cherry Slurpee.
The Interstate, it's said, loves to strike a car dead
when the skies of September turn stormy!

With Z-rated tires and some fritzed speaker wires
The GTI's back seat was too small for balling,
But that good car and true was a bone to be chewed
when the Wetbacks of Sonora came calling!

The car was the pride of all El Capitan's rides
assembled by Huns oe'r in Deutschland.
As sporty cars go, it was redder than most
with a sunroof and stickshift well seasoned!

Concluding some terms with some Arlington firms
El Cap left town all fueled up for Dallas.
And later that day when the rain came to stay,
It foretold a future most callous!

On I-35 just inside Carrollton town
The rain it poured down by the bucket!
A turn signal used could have helped the confused,
But the Wetbacks of Sonora said "Fuck it!!"

The beat-up S-10 stuffed full of Mexikins
Crossed blindly oe'r 5 lanes of traffic,
The Corvette they rammed was pretty much damned
With a body of fiberglass & plastic!

The tires on the pavement made a terrible sound
as the Corvette broke loose from its traction.
And ev'ry man knew, as El Capitan did too
There'd be no hope escaping collision!

The 'Vette slid 'round till its ass was northbound
and dealt the Veedub's fender a huge dent,
The bint behind the wheel had no clue how to deal
with 300 horses loose on wet pavement!

Your bunghole sucks in when you're in a tight spin,
and your blood turns to ice in a flashing...
The Veedub kissed the wall maybe a dozen times in all,
The oil and the Prestone were splashing!

Together they flailed, locking bumpers nose to tail
skidding lanes with no real direction
And sliding to the right with his exit in sight
Came the Wreck Of The Crimson Volkswagen!

Does any one know where the love of God goes
when you're hit by uninsured drivers?
The wreckers all say if he'd been on the Tollway
He'd have made it to Plano unhindered!

The fenders split up and the oil pan punched through;
The radiator was not holding water,
And all that remains is filing the claims
With the Allstate insurance adjusters!

In a cold waiting room in Dallas he prayed,
with the Volkswagen dealer's repairmen.
The cash register chimed 'til it rang four thousand times
for the dents on The Crimson Volkswagen!

The legend lives on in that small college town
of the Veedub he named "Cherry Slurpee".
The Interstate, it's said, loves to strike a car dead
when the skies of September turn stormy!

Sunday, November 09, 2008


It's Cat Washing Day!!

Boy, cats sure don't like getting wet. Well, Betsy Cat for certain. I can only infer from Pookie Cat's disappearance that she heard the mournful wailings coming from a very moist Betsy Cat, and decided to go into hiding lest she suffer the same fate.

I know where Pookie's lair is, though... She likes to sneak behind the fake logs in the fireplace. That's why I have a sign next to the gas valve that says "To avoid burning cat streaking through the house & setting it ablaze, check behind gas logs BEFORE lighting fire!"

I think my next pets are gonna be turtles. They like water, and are certainly much easier to catch...

Friday, November 07, 2008

Cat Fight

Hanging On By A Claw

Did you know it costs $80 to shave a cat?

An unexpected ally turned up in a friend that works for a veterinarian. There apparently is a way to mostly de-cat a house to make it liveable for the severely allergic without actually removing the cats.

It would involve (in no particular order...)

Shaving the cats twice a year
Bathing them weekly
Confining them to two rooms
Moving all their accoutremonts into those rooms
Knocking a cat access hole in the walls between the rooms
Removing carpet in the rooms and installing tile floors
Training cats to sleep only on towel or blanket covered places, then laundering the towels and blankets weekly.
More frequent filter changes for vents.
Cedar planks under the bed or any other cat lair to repel fleas
Etc. and so forth.

I'm not too wild about having the kitties restricted to two 12' x 14' rooms for the rest of their days, but it beats the piss out of a 2' x 2' cage at the SPCA shelter!

So, the fight goes on for now.

Thursday, November 06, 2008


Life Gives Me The Giant Rectal Probe Once Again

Does anyone in the Houston Metro area need two docile and sedentary cats?

Events at Casa Capitan came to a head last night, and while I'm not going into the details, it boils down to the fact that due to medical reasons, Betsy Cat and Pookie Cat can no longer stay with me in the house. Since they have never been outdoor cats and were declawed by previous owners, I cannot have them living outside.

I am not in a financial position to move out, so it's either find them a home, or turn them over to the SPCA. I have about a week at the most to make arrangements.

Betsy Cat is a grey & white Maine Coon Cat, somewhere between 12 & 14 years of age. She's never been a lap cat, but will sit next to you for extended ear-scritching and belly rubbing sessions. She loves being brushed, and purrs like an engine. She likes nothing better that to nap on a bed or couch with the breeze of an electric fan ruffling her whiskers, but she also will find a dark corner and hide from the world for a few hours.

Pookie Cat is a chatty calico shorthair, probably 11 years old. She will sit and "talk" to you until you figure out what she's wanting. Usually it's a kitty treat or an ear-scritch. Her favorite pastime is sleeping on her back with all four paws in the air. She's a prim & proper lady, and will perch on the edge of a couch with one front paw crossed over the other. Pookie Cat likes being around people. She likes being brushed, but at times she just wants to sit near someone.

The thought of my kitties having to live in a metal cage in a no-kill shelter for the rest of their days is quite literally making me sick with grief, so if you know anyone in the Houston area (other that a crazy cat-collector) who can give these cats a home, please email me at baboonpirates2 (AT) gmail (DOT) com and we'll work out the details.

It would be nice if they went to the same house, but not necessary. They coexist in a kitty détente and rarely squabble, but prefer to be in separate rooms!

Thanks for your help.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Post-Election Gun Blogging


Well, if you can't smoke dope, you can at least shoot guns.

This beauty popped up over at J&G Sales. A Sharps in .45-70 with a period scope!

I don't know if I'll ever have the opportunity to inflict a Missouri Boat Ride on a deserving audience, but it'd be nice to know I had the necessary equipment!

(FF to 6:15 into the clip)

A Need To Self-Medicate...

A Friend With Weed Is A Friend Indeed!

Duuuuude.... After last night's debacle, I really need a fat doobie. Maybe multiple bong hits. Hell, I'd settle for a ratty old hashpipe with a big pinch of Coahuila ditchweed.

OTOH, I've been off the marijohoonie for almost 5 years now. Well, I was never really "on" the herb. You either partake or you don't, there's no physically addictive quality to the stuff. The time came to set down the bong, and I went willingly.

Every so often, in times of extreme stress, I still get the urge to spin up a minnow and head off to La-La Land for a few hours. I never do, of course. First, I wouldn't know where to begin looking for the stuff. I'm a bit old to go asking around in video game arcades for a nickel bag, plus we haven't really had video game arcades or nickel bags for 20 years now.

Second, I'm still under the threat of random piss-testing. I've made some friends in the HR Department, but not at the level I can get myself removed from the random sampling pool. Yes, I'm aware that the infrequent user can flush their system in under a week. However, I am also aware of my intimate relationship with Mr. Murphy and his Law. I don't dare eat poppyseed bagels for fear of tripping the dope-meter for opiates. That's just the way my life works.

So, it's probably a sit-down with Mr. Walker tonight, (the Black version seems appropriate...) I didn't dare drink last night, for fear of starting a binge I couldn't finish.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Exercising The Franchise

"Perhaps America will one day go fascist democratically, by popular vote."
- William L. Shirer

The deed is done. Got my vote cast early this morning. From the comments and conversations of the others standing in line waiting for the polls to open, my precinct swings mostly conservative.

One guy shared something he'd heard on the radio: "Due to overwhelming voter turnout, and in order to ensure a safe and efficient voting experience, we're implementing a new policy where all Republicans can stand in line today, and Democrats can have the polls to themselves all day Wednesday."

I'm nervous, to tell the truth. Oh, I think we can survive an Obama presidency. The Oval Office is no stranger to knaves and poltroons. Still, the potential for civil unrest and violence is still there, no matter who wins, and I don't relish the thought of having to mount hurricane fencing on my truck to ward off Molotov cocktails in the coming weeks.

Also worrisome is the notion that Obama will refuse to concede if the Electoral vote goes against him. Presidential elections being decided by the SCOTUS is certainly not what the country needs.

Ah, well. The voting (mine, anyway) is done. The waiting begins.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Illness & Recovery

I Wonder If My AppleCare Warranty Is Still Good?

My G5 iMac's been comatose since April of last year. Where once I would have gleefully waded in with screwdrivers flashing and restore disks shining, I was reduced to a quivering heap of indecision. Too many years away from the tech support arena, I suppose.

I'd experienced some weirdness with the Email app, and a web browser crash that occurred while checking out the size of a desktop folder was apparently enough to corrupt the boot sector of the drive. No flashing "?" on startup, just the sound of the drive winding up, then slowing down, over and over and over.

SOS-APPL was no help. Their idea of recovery was "Boot to CD, Wipe the drive, start over". Yeah, thanks, dickhead. Just kiss off umpteen gigs of music and family pictures. I don' theenk so, Loosie!

The cost of professional data recovery is steep. With my perpetually strained budget, sending in the drive kept getting pushed back and pushed back until the iMac was a dust-covered relic.

I had a borrowed eMac at my disposal, but it's already geriatric by computer standards, and inadequate for gaming. So, I was able to websurf, blog, and email, but that was the extent of my online presence.

My online gaming clan carried me on the rolls longer than they needed to, but eventually I got the heave-ho. No surprise when the axe fell, if you can't play, they need to replace you. The biggest regret is losing contact with the crew.

A request from a friend to borrow my old VHF/UHF "rabbit ears" antenna forced me to plow through the landfill my computer desk has become. In order to unhook the antenna from the old MacTV (BlackMac!), I had to dig past the iMac and unhook all the connecting cables.

Once the iMac was unearthed and moved out of the way, there was nothing but my own laziness keeping me from attempting the last-ditch effort to revive what was essentially a $1500 paperweight.

There's a process called "Target Disk Mode" that allows you to hook up one Mac to another via Firewire, and boot them so that one Mac's drive shows up on the other desktop as an external drive. I was doubtful this would work. The iMac was way ahead of the eMac in terms of system software, disk drivers, bus speed, and so on. Still, the Apple website said they were both capable, so I gathered up cables, keyboards, etc. and shoved the iMac right next to the other computer.

Once everything was connected, it was time for the moment of truth. I powered on the iMac, and got the startup chime. I held down the "T" key, and to my everlasting wonder the iMac's monitor lit up and the Firewire symbol started dancing around the screen.

No disk icon showed up on the eMac's screen, though. Oh, well. Worth a try, anyway. I went to the kitchen to get a drink and feed the cats.

I came back to the office to unhook everything, and... "HOLY SHIT!!!" There was the Macintosh HD icon underneath the eMac's drive icon. Houston, we have connectivity!

At that point the slow process of file copying began. The iMac has a 160 GB drive. I had an external 100 GB USB drive and whatever drive space was left in the eMac, so I started dragging files across. Took all night long to get most of it done.

Now, I'll wipe the drive, then reinstall everything. Hopefully that will set things back in order. Then, it's off to MicroCenter to buy a 200 GB external drive to be used solely for whole-drive backups.

So, 18 months of absent iMac (and pictures, and music, and...), but data recovery didn't cost a dime. Wonder if it was worth it?