Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Eric SWG: The Early Years

Whiskey, The Water Of Life!!

This captioned photo was smuggled out of McMinn County, Tennessee.

It could very well be a childhood photo of Eric, the Straight White Guy!!

(Click pic to embiggenate!)

Monday, July 30, 2012

Starin' Straight Down A Forty-Four!!

Oh, Won't Ya Gimme Three Steps, Gimme Three Steps, Mister!!

Alas, I'm not cuttin' a rug down at the place called The Jug with a girl named Linda Lou...

However, Father Time did drop by, and he was lookin' for You Know Who!

Today marks my 44th trip around the sun.

Am I twice as well off as when I was 22? That's debatable. From a financial and professional perspective, I'm doing all right.

From a personal, social and health perspective, I'm getting a bit ragged around the edges. I do a mean impersonation of a hermit crab with a WiFi antenna on his shell...

Hard to say what the coming year will bring. I'm doing my best to keep the surly curmudgeon at bay, and I don't always succeed.

Still, I'm able to keep pushing forward, and in spite of the world-class book addiction, you can still see carpet in every room, (the floor is the largest shelf in the house...) so there's no impending appearance on one of those compulsive hoarder shows.

That reminds me. I never did tell Mom what I wanted for my birthday.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Chairborne Rangers FTW!!

You Need TWO Facepalms For This Stupidity.

Found this on a web forum.

Suffice to say, if you've got a gun question, never, never NEVER ask a bunch of Call of Duty gamers. I've posted the best (worst?) answers below...

Original question:
"Any CoD fag here who can tell me what the fuck this thing does?"
(The correct answer is "Forward assist")

"Reload and the first bullet, any cod player know that"

"You pull it and it makes a funny sound"

"cigarette lighter."

"Its what you press to turn on the laser on your gat"

"safety dipshit"

"Enables explosive rounds"

"it enables mod menu, but you need to be host"

"It's the child assist. It helps your bullets maneuver through the air to hit only children."

"you pull it and throw the gun like a grenade and it detonates"

"if you have a grenade launcher attached, you press that button to shoot them."

"actually i'm a gun technician
but you have been answered already, obviously ciggarette lighter"

Saturday, July 28, 2012

The First Cut Is The Squirtiest

This Is Really %&*$#@ Gross.

Mmmmmm.... There's nothing like a nice juicy boil to liven up the weekend.

I thought I had a serious skeeter bite or a zit gone wild last night. A pre-shower looksee revealed a nice pea-sized festering knot just above my left knee.

No clue how it came to be, but once revealed it had to go!

You just can't use a pin to prick the beastie. No, the chunky sludge inside will clog up the tiny hole and things won't drain. You've got to get medieval on the thing.

The bestest tool in the world for chancre-poking is the awl blade on my Camillus USGI pocket knife. It's hard to tell from the picture, but there's a knife-edge on one side, it's needle-sharp, wide enough to drain well, and the tiny fuller in the blade just adds a blood-groove kind of efficiency to the party.

So, a quick flame to the blade, hose everything down with Purell, and commence to poking!

I highly recommend napkins from Subway. Nicely absorbent, and much cheaper than store-bought gauze pads!

Some more Purell, and a squirt of Bactine and a band-aid, and we're good as new!

This has been Dr. Cap wishing you & yours a Happy Lancing!!

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Thursday Night Stupidity

I Can't Believe I'm Posting This.



Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Down The Memory Hole?

Nittany Lions? Sounds Like They're Vermin-Infested...

I'm not a particularly avid fan of college football, or even sports in general, but I do enjoy watching a good game every so often, and I read enough headlines that I can tell the difference between a Jayhawk and a Gamecock.

Lately the headlines have been full of Penn State's Short Eyes scandal. Seems that one of the coaches enjoyed buggering boys in the shower stalls, and the head coach and the University top brass swept it under the rug.

Now, I've got no use for kiddy-diddlers, and whatever Sandusky gets in the way of punishment, I'm sure he'll deserve. Also, there's no doubt that if Joe Paterno (the now-expired head coach) and the university high muckity-mucks held up a blanket so Sandusky could keep playing hide-the-salami, then they need to get their flogging as well.

Last weekend they announced that Penn State would be harshly sanctioned. Falling short of the NCAA Death Penalty, they're going to lose out on post-season bowl appearances, pay a $60 million fine, loss of scholarships, and so on.

There's one thing they did that kinda bugs me, though... Since Paterno is pushing up daisies, there's not a lot they can do to him directly, aside from digging him up and doing a post-mortem tarring & feathering.

Instead, the NCAA has decided to vacate Penn State's football wins from 1998 to 2011, lowering Paterno from #1 on the list of Most Winning Coaches down to #12.

The problem is, Paterno didn't do that alone. The players did the lion's share (no pun intended) of the effort to get those wins, and they're not guilty of anything other than having a pedo-scumbag for an assistant coach.

Also, it smacks of rewriting history. Making Paterno an "unperson". Hell, they've already pulled down his statue, and it'll probably get melted down to make bronze dildos to use on Sandusky...

Fine 'em all you want. Don't mess with history, though.

Monday, July 23, 2012

The Fouling Shot

Not A Gun Post, Yet Not Quite A Crapblogging Post, Either.

In the shooting sports, a fouling shot is the practice of shooting a round or two out of a clean barrel in order to scour out any gun oil or cleaning patch lint prior to attempting to shoot a tight group.

There's some debate on how necessary the practice is. A hot barrel will group differently than a cold barrel, but IMHO a single shot won't generate enough heat to force any major changes.

I'm all in favor of outlawing another type of fouling shot, however...

What I speak of is my colon's unspeakable habit of blasting out a sloppy fart whilst I'm bent over the sink shaving after a hot shower.

It's totally annoying. You get out of the shower all squeaky-clean, and before you can even pull on your skivvies, there's a seismic event occurring between your buttcheeks.

Might be time for the Gas-X tablets...

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Vintage Hog Blaster?

Those Aren't Hose Clamps! They're Redneck Scope Rings!!

Another interesting find from Collector's Firearms.

Here's a tricked out Remington 870. The extended magazine tube and the slug sights are nice, but what really makes this a Bubba Special is the attached MagLite!

With today's tactical flashlights that squirt out half a million candlepower from a tube the size of a roll of Lifesavers, it's easy to forget that MagLites were state-of-the-art in portable lighting just a few years ago.

Hell, I've still got a 4 D-cell aluminum billyclub... er... flashlight riding on the jumpseat of the truck!

Anyway, it's an interesting method of clamping the light onto the shotgun. It would make a quite effective hog gun, or a raccoon eradicator.

Just $395 + TTL and it can go home with you!

Friday, July 20, 2012

Old School Herbal Purveyor?

The Guy's Got Style, At Any Rate...

"I say, old chap! Might I intrigue you with a tenpence-bag of this fine Jamaican cannabis?"

Heh. I ran across a collection of pics of seized drugs, cash & weapons, and this one was intriguing.

It seems the dealer has a taste for 19th Century iron. That looks a lot like a Webley Mk I .455 revolver.

Well, if it works on charging Zulus, it ought to do a number on anyone trying to jack your stash!

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Legal! For Now...

Ignoring The Law Since 1968

It's a red letter day! El Capitan's truck once again sports a current (and genuine) state inspection sticker. Once I scrape off the old registration sticker and replace it with the new one that's been sitting in an envelope under the sun visor since last November, I'll have a perfectly legal truck.

Procrastination? Thy name is El Capitan...

I got the Ford over to Scott's Auto Repair at the crack of dawn, and they had the misfiring ignition coil/plug squared away PDQ. This time, it was Cylinder #8, way back against the firewall. That makes 6 out of 8 coils replaced so far. While they were at it, they fixed the turn signals/hazard lights (bad connection under fuse box) and the jacked-up muffler.

There's still half a dozen minor quibbles to fix, which will run another 1200-1500 bucks, but today's tab was a skosh under $600. Not great, but it could have been a lot worse.

So, I'm back on the road, and legal for the time being. I better go get a picture of the valid stickers for posterity...

Monday, July 16, 2012

The Urge To Purge

I Really Don't Like Doing This.

No, this post has nothing to do with bodily functions!

I've been avoiding pruning down and updating my blogroll for a variety of reasons. Among them, a lack of desire to make any more of those little graphic nametags, and the fact that I've completely forgotten the URL and password for my ISP's FTP server.

Also, I'm kind of dreading finding out just how many of my regular reads (circa 2005) have either hung up their spurs, or faded into Facebook-land.

So, if we've seen each other face-to-face in the past year or so, you get a pass on the purge. Anyone else who hasn't posted in the past year or so? Adios, mofo.

You have been warned!

Sunday, July 15, 2012

More Island Hopping

Fun In The Sun, But Lots Of Rain, Too!

Round Two of the 2012 summer family reunion is now complete...

This time it was Dad's side of the family. They're a bit more, um, restrained than Mom's clan. Where last month's gathering had us parked out on the covered porch until the wee hours, then not stirring until 9 or 10 am, Dad's crew is up with the dawn, and safely tucked in bed by 10 pm or so.

Still, even for a bunch of Puritans, we had a pretty good time. The kiddos hit the beach, the grownups hit the Strand for shopping, and El Capitan hit the lounge chair with a tall drink and a good book.

We had the expected snit-fit from Uncle #3. After requesting a separate beach house for his sub-clan, the block & a half distance from the beach suddenly became an impossible distance, and a early morning storm left a deep puddle between the front steps and the street, which was its own catastrophe. So, he sulked most of Saturday while the rest of us ignored him.

We missed a few folks this year. Cousin Scott's family is in London, England where they've been on business for the last year. My cousin Cindy's family is up in Minneapolis, and we only see them every 4 years or so. Yet another cousin's family was AWOL, but they've got kids in competitive sports, so we rarely see them. Those rugrats better turn into Olympic-grade athletes for all the time they spend being sporty.

I got to spend a good chunk of Saturday evening with the Layabout Sailor. We held down the front porch for a while and reduced the world's population of Shiner Bock bottles & El Cubano cigars. Jim's a good guy to sit & jaw with. There's very little he doesn't know about anything that runs on bullets.

Finally, the weekend was capped off with... trouble with the truck!! Yay!!! I thought it was a bad tank of gas, but it may be another one of those damned coil-on-plug gizmos. I sputtered back into town, maxing out at 53 mph, and the engine finally started throwing codes about 8 miles from the house. So, there's another wad of cash I'll be spending.

At any rate, overall the weekend was a plus. It's good to get out of town and hang with the clan!

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

My Contribution To Pop Culture

Best I Could Do On Short Notice...

Just riffing on the "Keep Calm & Carry On" that I've seen popping up here & there.

(Click pic to embiggenate)

Monday, July 09, 2012


I Ought To Buy Stock In Kaopectate.

Well, there's another weekend gone down the shitter...

In this case, I mean that literally.

Some of my medications and my alimentary canal are at odds with each other, and they spent all day Friday going at it hammer & tongs.

I, of course, was caught in the crossfire, and spent much of the day tiptoeing over to the dunny in order to keep from exploding.

I'll say this about working for The Man. You get the right bathroom, you can crap in comfort and style.

Anyway, I ended up missing my monthly poker night. I didn't want to win a good pot, jump up in glee, and spray crap all over the floor.

So, Saturday was spent mostly horizontal, reading & napping and rehydrating.

Somewhat back to normal today. I'm due to start on a new med mix next week, and I hope this lickety-split crap will cease and desist.

Friday, July 06, 2012

Get Your Goth On

Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark!

I'm flipping through cable channels the other day and stumble on some show called 'Oddities'. There's apparently a New York version and a San Francisco version, each one about small shops that deal in bizarre curios and random weirdness.

One segment had one of the San Fran crew out looking for items to sell, and I was just nailed to the screen. I've got a bit of a thing for Carolyn Jones in her Morticia Addams getup, so I was really interested in this gothy gal:

This is Wednesday Mourning. The still pics don't really do her justice. You need to check her out on video to get the full effect.

Yummy! Makes me want to play some Bauhaus and mope in the corner...

Wednesday, July 04, 2012

Independence Day!!

Try Not To Blow Your Fingers Off...

Have a happy 4th of July, y'all!!

Tuesday, July 03, 2012

Almost There...

We Should Have Independence Month...

I've got most of my plate cleaned off in preparation for having tomorrow as a holiday. A mid-week day off isn't always as welcome as it might seem. Things can fester between Tuesday & Friday, so it's best to move as much as you can to the "OUT" basket early.

Now, it's a question of coasting through the afternoon, or going downstairs to cross horns with a big ugly hambeast over some protocol issues. I don't mind so much that this bint looks like something a dog vomited up, or that she's a good candidate for Miss Manatee 2012, but does she have to be so goshdarned ill-tempered?? I've had dealings with her before. Unless your pay grade is 5 levels or more above hers, you're pretty much treated like a cockroach to be stomped.

Sigh. I'm leaning towards "coasting through the afternoon". There's enough time on Thursday for jousting with a walrus.