Baboon Pirates

Scribbles and Scrawls from an unrepentant swashbuckling primate.

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Location: Texas, United States

Monday, April 30, 2007

Another Blogpost Conglomeration

Just Not Enough Hours In The Day...

Someone set the Suckularity Machine on 'High' and broke off the key. Life's getting weird...

I'm gonna have to combine several posts into one again... It's kinda like canned condensed soup, but just add a beer to your gullet instead of water, and it'll almost seem like homemade!

Item #1: My home computer shat itself again... The techno-weenies think it'll be fixable, but I just don't have the time this week or next to fix it, nor do I have the energy to explain what happened and why. So, posting might suffer. We'll just have to wait & see.

Item #2: Texas Blogfest this coming weekend in Kerrville! Details are here! I plan to be rolling into Kerrville around 3 pm, assuming a falling meteorite or a giant armadillo doesn't turn me into gringo paste along the way.
I'm gonna check in, mix up something tasty in a travel mug, and go hang out in the lobby. You won't miss me. I guarantee it.

Item #3: I would be remiss if I let another day go past without thanking Walrilla for his gracious nomination to the Thinking Bloggers.

I meant to post about this on Saturday, but see #1 for my excuse.

I'm supposed to link here, and nominate 5 other bloggers that make me think. Alas, I'm sorta Tail-End Charlie on this one, and most of my blogroll is either already nominated, or have so much traffic they could give a flip about what I think, much less bother to do a reciprocal link.

So, if you're a favorite of mine, you know who you are. You get emails from the real me, not my blog persona, and I try to comment on your blog whenever I have something snarkerrific to say.

Item #4: 100 proof peppermint schnapps just isn't the fun tasty beverage it used to be in college. Now, it mostly seems to taste like 5 pounds of mentholated sugar dissolved in a pint of naptha. Anyway, if you're interested in trying some, I'll have a bottle with a couple of snorts removed at the blogfest. Enjoy, but don't set yourself on fire!

Item #5: Dallas Meow apparently loves me. Not quite sure why, but I'll roll with it...

Item #6: Finally, go check out this post at, which I found via Tam's site. It's a poll of the greatest movie car chases ever.

Steve McQueen's 'Bullitt' rightly has the top spot, which will make my buddy Rockhauler very happy. I had to vote for 'The Blues Brothers' for purely sentimental reasons!

Go watch the clips, even if you don't vote!

Saturday, April 28, 2007

'Toons Of My Yoot

The Pink Panther Didn't Always Sell Insulation...

Tripping lightly down the meme-trail, we take Velociman's lead and explore the influential animatoons of our childhood...

There's cartoons you watch, and there's cartoons that change you... Make you look at things from a completely different perspective...

Now, I loved me some Saturday morning 'toonage. Like most red-blooded Amurrican yoots, I stumbled to the family room at the crack of dawn on Saturday morning and fired up the Zenith console TV, then dashed to the kitchen for the box of Honeycomb cereal as the tubes warmed up. Then, it was 4 uninterrupted hours of laughter and mayhem, until the dreaded noon hour arrived with the unwelcome interruption of Soul Train and the local news.

I really like the Warner Brothers creations, and am quite fond of the singing frog. I can still sing the Banana Splits theme song and remember well those odd live action/animation hybrids that show aired. Few cartoons have ever shown themselves to be as witty or subtle as the Pink Panther episodes. And Bullwinkle... Oh, my. If you don't absolutely love "Moooose undt Sqwerl", well, Wossamotta U?

As much as I loved those cartoons, as soon as the TV was off, they ceased to have influence on my brain. They are what they were designed to be, light, breezy entertainment.

No, it took a much darker type of 'toon to make a real influence.

My pal Rockhauler's gonna shit kittens when he reads this next bit, 'cause he really really hates this show. Still, I loved it so much I would run the 2 miles home from school to be in time for the show to start, 'cause waiting for the bus to get me home would make me 20 minutes late.

Here's the opening theme song... Some of you might remember this.

I was too young to know what anime was... All I knew was that this new-fangled 'Star Blazers' creation was a kick-ass cartoon! It was like nothing I'd ever seen before... When people got blown up, they didn't dust themselves off and snap their beak back into place! They were blowed-up dead! It had a real sense of drama and loss, and you grew attached to the characters and the story.

Now, in all honesty, I have to say that 30 years later I find it almost unwatchable. Animation has improved exponentially, and there's much better anime to be found, if you're into that style of 'toon. At the time, though, it was all I could talk about.

Here's the link to Second Season (Comet Empire) intro theme, and the Space Cruiser Yamato closing theme in one clip.

There was another animated film that arrived not long after Star Blazers that had a significant impact on my life. I bet most of y'all will remember this movie:

If 'Star Blazers' had me sitting up at attention, 'Heavy Metal' had this pre-teen boy jumping up and down on the chair, making rock & roll devil signs with one hand and grabbing his crank with the other...

Yeah, it was a sloppy bit of rotoscope-intensive animation, full of half-assed plots, bare-assed wimmens and big-assed blazing guns, but it's about as far removed from Porky Pig and Daffy Duck as you can get, and in a youth desperately wanting to grow up, it was a no-shit E-Ticket ride.

How can anyone under 12 years old with a fanboy attraction to horror films and World War II aircraft watch this clip, and not be profoundly influenced??

B 17

If you need one more dose, this is a fun clip! Captain Sternn!!!!

So, there they are... the 'toons that scroowd my haid on crookit!

"Wow, man... Good Nyborg!!"

Friday, April 27, 2007

Friday Folderol

The Postest With The Mostest!

OK, got a multi-purpose post here, since I'm kind of pressed for time today.

First, thanks very much for the overwhelming (for this blog, anyway) response on the previous post. It seems we've got a split decision, with females from all walks of life differing on whether a note left on a car is sweet or creepy.

Also, thanks for the emails and phone calls offering to run the license plates of her car through the system to get the name of the registered owner. That's certainly the most efficient way to approach things discreetly, and allows me to look up the name in The Man's email list. It's definitely Big Brother-ish and pseudo-creepy, but I can live with it. No sign of the car this morning, so I'll try that option on Monday.

OK, next item...


I used my air-dry time after the morning shower to call up a list of 10 random tunes off the iTunes library. Here she be:

Nothing too cringe-inducing... Maybe the Leo Sayer tune, but I am indeed a product of the Seventies, musically speaking. Hey, one of these days Alan O'Day's "Undercover Angel" is going to appear in the Random Window, and then I'll really be mortally embarassed...

I'll skip posting lyrics in favor of a story... the Deborah Harry (aka Blondie) song 'Brite Side' was one I first heard when she was guest-starring on the TV show 'Wiseguy', about Ken Wahl as "Vinnie Terranova" doing undercover work against the Mob. I was *way* into that show and particularly that story arc about Dead Dog Records with Tim Curry and Glenn Frey.

You'd hear bits and pieces of the song during the show, but never the whole thing. It became one of those songs that would echo around in your head, resurfacing from time to time through the years.

Eventually I tracked it down on an album, not knowing the name of the tune. (There's that name thing again...) I was out CD shopping with Flygirl, and just happened across it. It's not on iTunes, so maybe you'll get lucky in a CD shop too...


I knew this was coming, just not today...

I did better than last year. The scale runs from "Unacceptable" to "Needs Improvement" to "Acceptable" to "Strong", topping out at "Outstanding". I'm pretty deep in the Strong category, within reaching distance of Outstanding, but I doubt I'll make it. I just don't have the proper mentality of a gummint "worker", having spent too many years in the private industry. I try to get things done, and this often steps on people's feelings and toes. F'rinstance, most of my downchecks were in the areas of "is cognizant of co-worker's feelings and attitudes". C'est la vie...

OK, gotta run for a meeting. Back later if I have time...

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Seeking Stalker Advice

My Antisocial Behavior Knows No Bounds...

OK, I might catch some flak for this, but I'm asking for some advice.

El Capitan does not date the wimmens very much. El Capitan is not opposed to the idea, but his bulbous physique and shiny dome do not exactly leave the wimmens breathless with desire. Actually, it leaves El Capitan breathless after a flight of stairs, but we'll not go there just now. Let's just say that he hasn't dated since somewhere in the Eisenhower administration, it seems.

El Cap has made the acquaintance of a nice young woman whom he meets occasionally on the shuttle ride out to the remote parking lot. They chat at length about any old subject, and for a time, each seemed to look forward to that day's conversation.

El Capitan is excellent at remembering faces, but is VERY bad at names. He knows this. It is an ongoing problem, especially with people he serves on boards & commissions with that meet but once a month. He wishes people had names tattooed on foreheads at birth.

So, El Cap was told this young woman's first & last name, but like a dimwitted tool he has since forgotten them. Enough time had passed that he felt like an idiot to be asking for them again. Since her name badge hangs right in the (very nice) cleavage region, El Cap has not tried to sneak peeks to rediscover this name discreetly, lest he look like a creepy lech.

For what it's worth, the nice young woman did not call El Cap by name either, so the memory thing may be mutual.

At any rate, much conversation can be started with "Hey, how are you today!" and "Been waiting for the shuttle a while?" before delving deeper into the day's events. And so life went on.

At some point though, you reach the occasion that a social invitation ought to be issued. After discovering that each party is single and not entering Holy Orders, and you seem somewhat compatible, you ask the other out for a drink, or to lunch, or some other locale free of workplace associations in order to pursue matters further. Even without the application of double bourbons, El Capitan felt that the time had come to make the leap, and see what happened.

And then disaster struck, in the form of a shift change.

The nice young woman was no longer on the same schedule as before. El Capitan knows she is still employed by The Man, as her car is still parked at the remote lot daily. However, in spite of his weird-ass schedule that has him in & out more often than a tongue in the back room of a dyke bar, El Cap has yet to cross paths again with the nice young woman.

Some weeks have passed, and things are looking grim. Not knowing what floor the nice young woman works on has made it almost impossible in a building of 2500+ to track her down. El Cap has duties of his own to accomplish, and cannot spend day after day going floor to floor, even if the access badge system wasn't in place.

El Capitan has several options for making contact, but every one seems to be unacceptably creepy and stalker-ish, especially for someone who was an extremely casual acquaintance. The wimmenfolks in these parts are pretty skittish these days, and El Cap would just as soon avoid a faceful of mace or a restraining order.

So, here's my question for all y'all... Which of the following is the LEAST creepy and stalker-ish method of re-establishing contact?

1) The note left on the car

2) camping out in the lobby for 4 hours.

3) camping out in the remote lot in the bus shelter

4) camping out in the remote lot parked next to her car

5) standing outside in a tight t-shirt screaming "STELLLAAAAAA!!!!!"

6) Using rubber cement to adhere my nekkid carcass to the glass revolving door

7) Let it slide... that one got away!

Need your answers soonish, y'all... Press the button below!

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Late Night Cop Chase

Some Words Of Warning & Way-out Wisdom

The title of this post refers to a CD I burned many years back, a collection of the rawest, most head-banging tune-age that I could assemble. It was an attempt to have some highway music that would keep me awake on my nocturnal jaunts all over Texas. It occurred to me when the burning program prompted me to insert a CD title that one good way to keep alert was to have a dozen rollers blinking & flashing in your rear-view mirror as you blew past a roadblock at 120 mph at 3 a.m.

So why bring all this up? We had a cop chase yesterday here in H-town. Some scumbag stole a car and lit a shuck for parts distant, with Johnny Law in hot pursuit.

It ended as these things usually do, with an innocent bystander being turned into Pâté Citoyen, and the perp being thoroughly tasered and hauled off to the Graybar Hotel.

This brought out the usual crowd of whiners, screeching about the general irresponsibility of the Po-leece, and how HPD's chase policies are shite, and that no car thief's apprehension is ever worth an innocent life.

It does pain me greatly that a 24 year old mother of two was killed. It's a senseless tragedy, but it's NOT the fault of the police, as far as I'm concerned. All blame lies on the scumbag car thief, and he ought to fry for what he did.

So, how do you reduce these incidents of people running from the police?

I have a suggestion, and you might not like it.

First of all, a message to the thugs out there. Look, holmes. If you're running from the po-po's, it means you effed up. You needed to plan your caper a little better. Remember the 6 P's! Proper Planning Prevents Pissed-off Police Presence!

And yeah, I know all about the fight-or-flight biological response, and the crazy-ass decisions people make when they've got a quart of newly-excreted adrenaline coursing through their system. What's needed is a deterrent so overwhelming that the mere thought of it will override the innate flight response, and get these scumbags to pull over to the side of the road when the rollers pop up in their mirrors.

Here's the deal...

Run from the cops, and you get the beat-down of your life.

Every 1/4 mile you fail to pull over and surrender, and once you crash out or get the PIT maneuver used on your dumb ass, the cops get a solid minute to whale the living shit outta your hide, free of cameras and supervisors.

10 miles running from the law? That's 40 minutes of uninterrupted Rodney King-style whoopass the cops get to apply to your exterior. When they snap off that PR-24 in your rectum, concerned citizen's groups will be standing by to hand over a new one, still in the shink-wrap.

For training purposes, police cadets and Boy Scout law enforcement-oriented Explorer Posts will be allowed to step in with ASP batons and old-fashioned truncheons.

They're gonna get to beat you like a rented mule. Smack you like a red-headed stepchild. Pound on you like a drum, and when it's all over, they'll drag you off to the drunk tank, and maybe let a medic look at you in a day or so.

Think I might be a bit brutal? Fuckin' A right I am. You run from the cops in a high-speed road chase, you're doing more than evading the law. You're willfully endangering the general public in a wanton and destructive manner, and IMHO you should lose some of your rights as a result.

So, pull your ass over, you ignunt clown, or my next idea will call for Apache choppers, 25mm chainguns and Hellfire missiles.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

When Cats Attack

Where'd They Get The Peanuts For Bait?

Carefully stalking your prey is *so* overrated... Modern cats use the ambush method!

"OK, Mr. Tiddles, you and Fluffy go right. Smokey & I will go left, and Miss Prissypants will go straight in! One.... TWO...."

Monday, April 23, 2007

It's Never Just A Washer & Dryer & A TV...

Where's That Damned Tube Of IcyHot???

I try to avoid moving people.

No, not people in motion, but people shifting their domiciles.

I wasn't always this way. I used to be helpful. Of course, once upon a time, I was slimmer, more energetic and usually available nights and weekends. And I worked for beer. Cheap beer, in 12 pack quantities. Eventually, I raised my rate to a fifth of good bourbon.

I've quite lost count of the times I've moved friends, family and acquaintances from one home to another. Some were spur-of-the-moment relocations. Some were intricately planned cross-country events. I moved some friends from Dallas to Denver, then rented a car and drove back in one hop.

I've helped to move people out in the middle of the night, the day before rent was due. I've moved a woman out of her apartment in the midday July heat, hoping like hell her abusive boyfriend didn't decide to come home for a meal and a beat-down before we got her out of there.

Most times, the person asking for help could float gas money, or a 12 pack, or a good meal. Sometimes all they could afford was a heartfelt "thank you", and I was quite OK with that. Karma's always churning away in the background, so willing help given out equals an equal return at some point in time.

At some point, though, I just lost my enthusiasm for wrestling sectional couches up three flights of stairs. I envy people with large hardback book collections, until I'm moving box #34 of 85. My knees aren't up to it anymore, and my back and ankles aren't much better.

It pained me greatly to recently have to tell my one of my oldest friends that while he was welcome to my truck to move into an apartment, I was a Teamster only. I'd drive, but he'd need to look up someone from the Longshoremen's Local to do any loading and unloading. As fate would have it, the weekend he moved was the weekend my truck was in the shop. Karmic Kalamity dodged!

I got slapped by the MoveMonster on Sunday, though. My uncle called Friday night, and wanted to know if he could use me & my truck to move (and I quote) "A Washer & A Dryer & A Big-Screen TV".

Sigh. I'm not able to say no. I've got to help. This is family, Mom's brother, who's been catching every available snippet of Bad Luck in the Bay Area for the last 25 years.

So, here's the rundown. Kid #2 (his son, my cousin) has appeared on this blog before. He's the ex-con who's been in and out of the joint on a rotating basis since he was still in high school.

He married some round-heeled tramp, and in November they hatched out a kid to add to their collection. They got a duplex, a job apiece, and all seemed well until fairly recently. He got back on the pipe, then she started doing coke too, and things came apart rapidly.

My cousin got a "Rehab or Jail" deal from his parole officer, so he's off to Shaky Acres to clean up. His coke-whore wife decided she was bored with it all, dumped the three year old and the 5 month old off on my aunt and uncle (in their mid-to-late 60's, mind you) and disappeared into the underbrush. No one's quite sure where she is, but she's rumored to be in rehab as well.

So, I get called in to pull some items out of the duplex before they get seized in lieu of unpaid rent.

"El Capitan, it's just A Washer & A Dryer & A Big-Screen TV... We'll be out of there in an hour."

Heh. As if.

The packing that was supposedly done by coke-whore cousin-in-law hadn't been done. She'd snuck back for a few meals, and left the unwashed dishes piled in the sink. Stuff was scattered all through the duplex, and though we managed to get everything packed in my truck and my Uncle's Tahoe after 3 hours or so, there wasn't room to wiggle a finger inside either vehicle.

We then drove from far NW Houston 50 miles down to League City in order to dump it all in the storage room coke-whore cousin-in-law had rented.

Turns out she took the money my aunt had fronted her to rent a 12X15 space, rented a 4x5 closet, filled it full of her crap, and kept the rest of the cash for herself.

My uncle & I, naturally, don't find this out until we've got the truck mostly unloaded, and there's only room inside the storage unit for maybe two chairs and a rolled-up rug. I've never struck a woman before, but I'd have been hard-pressed not to have pistol-whipped that bint if she'd shown up Sunday.

So, back everything goes on the truck, and we go unload it into my uncle's living room.

Add a 7 a.m. curtain call this morning for back-to-back 2 hour training sessions, and I'm one whipped mule. New and exquisite forms of pain are radiating from my lower extremities, and my back feels like its 10 degrees off of plumb.

Methinks tonight has a big glass of rum awaiting me, followed by a hot water foot soak, then a bit more rum. Damned shame I have to work tomorrow.

So, need help moving? Call Mayflower. I'm retired.

Tales From Gun-Fearing Wussies

Hard Hitting Journalism From The Perpetually Clueless

Newsweek runs a "hard-hitting" article called 'Story of a Gun'.

It took seven earnest young reporters to write this expose, and they flogged their message as hard as they could...

Witness stirring phrases such as:

"the almost feminine bulge of the revolver"
"the automatic's sleek, sinister profile"
"a tradition of bloodshed stretching back more than a century"

and my favorite:

"it delivers a fearsome kick"

Which pretty much guarantees they're either lying, or complete pussies.

The whole article seems like it was cribbed from Wikipedia, but who knows. Maybe it does take seven journos to write a simple anti-gun screed.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Vintage Music

Yet Another Borrowed Idea!

Seems that some folks up and down my blogroll are posting some of their favorite classic rock songs via YouTube. I'll play along, since it's just too early in the morning to come up with original material!

My first two choices, Edgar Winter's 'Free Ride' and Head East's 'Never Been Any Reason' weren't available in an original format, so I had to go to the well to pick out something y'all haven't heard in a while...

So, here's Dobie Gray singing 'Drift Away'! Enjoy!

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Sammy Saturday

We Gots Yer Chubby Cheek Needs Right Here!

I haven't posted enough Cute Nephew pics lately... Gotta hurry before his sister makes her appearance in July and takes over the spotlight!

Thursday, April 19, 2007

The Latest From The Groves Of Academe

Head Asplosion Warning!!

Well, ain't that a kick in the head...

I learn from Kurt's site that one of my favorite pieces of chorale music, the Hallelujah Chorus from Handel's 'Messiah', is apparently a Magnum Opus celebrating the slaughter of Jews.

Yup, some learned professor at Swarthmore college has cleverly deciphered and deconstructed the piece, and it's all just theme music for killin' those pesky Jooooos.

Here's a snippet of the article reporting this breaking news. Read the whole thing here.
Assault on Christendom
By Michael Linton

Wow. We didn’t know. The “Hallelujah Chorus” is a paean celebrating Titus’ sack of Jerusalem and the Christian’s God’s bloody vengeance upon the Jews. That was the New York Times’ Easter Sunday gift to its readers, courtesy of Swarthmore professor Michael Marissen.


You know, it's like there's a calculated effort being made to keep me in a constantly pissed-off state.

You know what these fucktards remind me of? Hyenas. When they run across something tasty that they just can't stomach, they take a dump all over it so no one else can enjoy it. Hell, maybe it's weasels that do that. You get my point...

Well, I have a rebuttal, thanks to the magic of YouTube. Here's the Hallelujah Chorus being sung in Hebrew. It's definitely not a professional production, what with the conductor attempting to lead the chorus and the audience at the same time, but they've got the spirit of it down pretty good.

Enjoy, and consider sending your kids somewhere other than Swarthmore...

A No-Win Situation

The Canine Kobayashi Maru...

I don't know that I've ever seen a more forlorn looking hound!

"What cannot be cured, must be endured!"

UPDATE: D'oh!! Looks like Cowboy Blob has this posted over at his shack. Oh, well, we both probably heisted it from the same place...

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

It's About F#(%!^& Time!

You Like Me! You Really Like Me!!

People promise to send 'kudos' letters all the time, they just rarely follow through.

Out of nowhere, I get two in one day...

Take a peek: (edited for anonymity)

I just wanted to compliment (El Capitan) on the seminar today.

I had been dreading a seminar where the discussion was focused on legal ramifications without common sense language or situations.

The seminar was one of the best training experiences I've ever experienced.

(El Capitan) made the group feel comfortable, was clear & concise, explained the subject thoroughly, and gave many options for more information.

I was frankly amazed at the level of participation from the group and feel confident that everyone walked away having learned something in addition to the major points.

With grace and poise he deftly tackled an often uncomfortable and awkward topic.

Thanks so much!!

Adoring Fan, with Professional Letters After the Name

Supervising BigWig, Large-Sized Department

The Man's Big Happy Family, The "We Build Stuff" Division

And this one...

Dear (El Capitan's Boss),

Attached are the Sign-In Sheets for yesterday's training sessions. By the way, (El Capitan) did a great job. Several people (including our Assistant Director) commented very favorably on his presentation.

Thank you,

Another Adoring Fan, Training Coordinator

The Man's Big Happy Family, The "We Build Stuff" Division

That ought to brace up my Annual Review score just a bit...

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Tummy Tuesday - Demon Dog Edition

Better Late Than Never...

All my cat tummy pics I haven't posted already were just variations on a theme. I need to spend some time stalking the domestic pygmy panther and getting some good belly shots.

In the meantime, here's my sister's dog Ashley, in all her demonic glory. She didn't have much of a tummy in the past. Like the rest of us, though, the older she gets, the more it seems to pooch out!

UPDATE: Woops! Found one of Pookie Cat chargin' her eye lazers!

Monday, April 16, 2007

No Post On Monday!

Well, No *Good* Post, anyway...

Not much up to any quality posting, friends and neighbors. Stuck here at work until my ride home can pick me up at 8:30 pm, but I bet it'll be closer to 9pm. Beggars can't be bitchers...

I coulda done the METRO thing, and gotten within a mile or so of home, but I'm doubtful my ankles and knees would stand up to a mile of our effed-up sidewalks.

My post from Saturday on which I worked so long and hard is now somewhat inappropriate due to the tragedy in Virginia. Sorry, no crystal ball on this end. Didn't see that one coming...

One bright speck of good news, the mechanic says that the transmission damage wasn't anything out of the ordinary, just 113K miles of wear & tear. The rebuild should get me through until the headgaskets blow or the differential falls off. Still cost $1500 bux for the fix, however.

Mom swooped into the rescue for the blogfest. She's gonna give me an early B-Day present and pay for my hotel room for the blogfest next month. Yay, Mom! I still gots to come up with the scratch for meals and gas, but I imagine I can swing that. I might be smuggling in a peanut butter sammich to wherever we eat Saturday night.

Never fear, bloggers... I'll dig myself outta this financial pit just in time to fall headlong into another one.

Sunday, April 15, 2007


130K Google Image hits, 20K Actual Readers...

Almost there...


People come in droves, but only stick around less than a minute... I need to write more, post fewer dick & fart jokes...

Anybody know who lives in Irving? I got friends & readers I know about in Denton, Dallas, Garland, & Ft. Worth, but I dunno about Irving... If it's you, speak up!

As usual, thanks for your continued patronage! See ya at 200K!

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Mystery Movie Guns - Part 1

Wish We Still Had The Carnival Of Cordite For Posts Like This...

Part of my day off yesterday was spent researching some nagging questions. Namely, what are some of the uncommon or rare guns being used in various movies??

George the Mad Ogre has a pretty good head start on listing movie guns. He's done reviews of gun-dense flicks like Heat, Way Of The Gun, Collateral, The Matrix and The Boondock Saints.

I've been meaning to email him and ask him to do a "Guns of The Godfather Trilogy". I'll sweeten the pot by getting a difficult to I.D. gun out of the way!

I was always intrigued by a scoop-fluted revolver that showed up several times in Godfather Part II. You first see it in a stage play visited by Vito Corleone and his buddy Genco Abbandando:

The next time you see it, it's being held by Peter Clemenza when he and Vito are boosting the rug:

It took a while for me to ID this one. Turns out it's a variant of an 1870-90 vintage Merwin & Hulbert open-top "Pocket Army" revolver, more than likely in .44-40 caliber.

The next example of a Mystery Movie Gun I've known about for some time. ( I just needed the time to do the screen caps!)

I was so jazzed about this discovery that I had to pester my friend Rockhauler about it as soon as I found out, 'cause he's a huge fan of this pistol.

I've watched Raiders of The Lost Ark countless times since it was released in 1981, and I can recite the movie line for line. I'd also assumed since 1981 that Indy was using a .45 revolver and a M1911 Govt. Model in .45 Auto.

Looks like it, right?

Hmmm. I dunno, something's not right... Let's look closer:

Finally, there's a scene that removes all doubt.

No 1911 there, movie fans! Indy's packing a Browning Hi-Power! This raises my respect for the character of Indiana Jones, since it shows he's not averse to new technology in spite of his career as an archaeologist! 'Raiders' is set in 1936, and the Browning Hi-Power, while designed in the 1920's, was not put on the market until 1935!

What about Indy's other pistol? The one he used to put the smackdown on the Egyptian swordsman? Hard to tell in this picture.

Want a closer look?

We've got a round butt with a lanyard ring, big bore, could be either a Colt or a Smith! Better look closer:

Once more, from REALLY close up, and we see the giveaway features:

This is either a Smith & Wesson Hand Ejector or M1917 in .45 caliber. Probably .45 ACP, but possibly in .45 Long Colt. .44 Special is also not out of the question, but I'm betting Indy rolls with a .45!

There's a squared-off platform the front sight blade rests on. Colt front sights "grow" directly out of the barrel. Second, there's a guard on the underside of the barrel in front of the ejector post. Colt ejectors just swing in the breeze unprotected. Finally, there's a tiny glint of light reflecting off of the barrel pin. S&W pinned their barrels to the frame, Colt does not.

So, there it is! Some mysteries solved! More in Part 2!

Note - Big kudos to the Dashboard widget Screenshot Plus! It lets you pull screen caps directly from the Apple DVD Player, instead of having to deal with VLC's effed-up and imprecise interface! (VLC is a 3rd party app used to get around that annoying Mac DVD output-direct-to vidcard issue!)

Friday, April 13, 2007

Friday Random Ten

I'm Finally In Front Of The "Choon Box"!

My vacation day today has yielded an additional bonus on top of the sleeping 'til noon and the extended cat torture fur de-tangling session. I finally have my iTunes collection in front of me, and I can have the Shuffle feature pluck out 10 tunes to wave to the world.

I've actually got iTunes on the work PC, in violation of FSM knows how many IT rules & regs that The Man has in place, but it's an extremely abbreviated version of my moosical stash. I'd transfer more tunes but the iPod's flaking out, and I've got better things to do that try and burn 26 GB of music onto CDs.

Anyway, here's the random 10 for Friday. Kudos to Elisson for starting this tradition!

"Don Henley Must Die" by Mojo Nixon

He's a tortured artist
Used to be in the Eagles
Now he whines
Like a wounded beagle!
Poet of despair!
Pumped up with hot air!
He's serious, pretentious
And I just don't care!
Don Henley must die!
Don't let him get back together
With Glenn Frey!
Don Henley must die!

Turn on the TV
And what did I see?
This bloated hairy thing
Winning a Grammy!
Best Rock Vocalist?
Compared to what?
But your pseudo-serious
Crafty semantic Satanic plot
Don Henley must die!
Put a sharp stick in his eye!
Don Henley must die!
Yea yea yea yea yea!

(Hotel California guitar solo)
Quit playin' that crap!
You're out of the band!

I'm only kidding!
Can't you tell?
I love his sensitive music
Idiot poetry, swell!
You and your kind
Are killing rock and roll
It's not because you are O L D
It's cause you ain't got no soul!
Don't be afraid of fun
Loosen up your ponytail!
Be wild, young, free and dumb
Get your head out of your tail!
Don Henley must die!
Don't let him get back together
With Glenn Frey!

Don Henley must die!
Put him in the electric chair
Watch him fry!
Don Henley must die!
Don Henley must die!
Yea yea yea yea yea!
No Eagles reunion!
The same goes for you too, Sting!

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Naked Came The Manatee

The Blogpost Before I Lose It Completely

OK, 3 things...

First, I'm having a Bad Hair Week, so I've already put in the paperwork for taking tomorrow off from work. 6 a.m. tomorrow, I'm towing my truck into the shop to have the transmission rebuilt, and will spend the rest of the day in bed shivering uncontrollably from the malarial-like spasms of financial decomposition.

Second, this post is a direct reflection of the temporary instability of my inner self, so if I lose you in the mental underbrush, I'll be back on an even keel sometime in the future. Don't hold your breath, though.

Third, I completely ripped off this blogpost title from this book. It's a collaborative effort by some of Florida's best authors, including Elmore Leonard, Carl Hiassen and Dave Barry, among others. Check it out!

OK, naked manatees...

I was roaming around on Right Wing News, and came across this post about Rachael Ray and manatees.

It seems that manatees have not fared well last year. More are getting plowed under by motorboats, or getting poached and eaten by hungry swamp trash looking for 1200 lbs of "offshore Angus".

The plan on Right Wing News is to let Rachael "I'm On Your TV 24/7" Ray to do a recipe book of 30 Minute Manatee meals, and introduce the USA to a new food source. We would then allow private ranching to take over the manatee ownership and breeding, a la emus and llamas and buffalo, and the profit motive would ensure their continued existence.

I don't know that I buy into the premise, but go read the post. It's worth visiting if for no other reason than the picture of Ms. Ray slurping her full and luscious lips over a ripe strawberry.

The commenters on the post veered off into left field, advocating the installation of lasers on the backs of feral manatees, to be triggered by approaching speedboats.

This reminded me of the 4Chan /b/ meme about "Ima Chargin Mah Lazer!"

Which, of course, led to this set of abominations yesterday afternoon when I shoulda been working...

I'll leave you with this final thought:

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Death By Beast

My Kind Of Amusement!

This has been kicking around on my browser's bookmark list for ages...

An air cannon, cans of Mil's Beast Light, assorted targets, some Tchaikovsky and a high-speed camera equals an afternoon of fun!


Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Have You Seen The Muffin Man?

He Lives On Boudicca's Lane!

Bou's talkin' muffins!

Not bran or blueberry, mind you, but the little fabric gizmo that helps a woman even out her appearance in the case of cattywompus boobies.

Muffins... yeeeks...

Imagine my surprise as an eager 16 year old male removing his first brassiere from an eager 16 year old female, and having a muffin fall out. Talk about killing the mood...

Well, not *my* mood, you understand. I'd actually gotten the bra off, and was pretty strongly committed to continuing the exploratory expedition.

The other involved party was mortally embarrassed about her mismatched pair, and the fact that she'd forgotten to stash the muffin prior to kickoff. Things worked themselves out, as they usually do.

The mortally embarassed party turned out to be me a couple of years later when the other involved party from that day explained with great glee to a mixed company of our friends that I had dubbed the pair "The Odd Couple"...

Ford Acronyms

What's After Fear?? What's After Fear???

I'm still working my way through the Kübler-Ross grief cycle regarding my truck's malady.

Denial didn't last too long. It's hard to argue with a truck that don't move.

I'm pretty much in the Anger stage. Probably will be for some time. I flirted with the Bargaining stage, but there's not much point. Tranny rebuilds don't vary too much in price. Unless you call the dealership, when the price doubles.

Anyway, about that anger...

Here's some Ford acronyms:

Fix Or Repair Daily
Fuckin' Ol' Rebuilt Dodge
Fabricated Of Refried Dung
Fucker Only Rolls Downhill
Found On Roadside, Dead
Fat Old Rusted Dog
Fucked Old Rattling Dump
Fraternal Order of Restored DeSotos
Forget Out Running Datsuns
First On Recycle Day
For Off Road Death
Fails On Rainy Days
First On Rust and Deterioration
Flip Over, Read Directions
Fucked On Race Day
Fix Or Recycle Dilemma
Fault Of R&D
Foot On Road Decelerates
Found On Russian Dump
Failed On Research & Development
Forlorn, Old, Ratridden Dustbin
Forced On Reluctant Drivers
Frequent Opinion: Really Disappointed
Found On Redneck's Driveway
Fumes and Odors Readily Detectable
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Factory Ordered Rebuilt Datsun
Four Old Rusted Doors
Flipped Over Russian Dunebuggy

backwards --> Driver Returns On Foot

Monday, April 09, 2007

The Black Pit Of Despair

My Unique Rapport With Vehicles Continues As Usual...

I knew it was a mistake to keep the Caddy in the driveway. It was an even bigger mistake to park the truck next to it. It gave 'em a chance to compare notes late at night...

Following the Caddy's lead, the truck has decided to take an unscheduled vacation. It started the same way as the Caddy, with minor things going out of whack... little needles to poke me and test my threshold for pain. First the cruise control. Then the driver's side window. Next the driver's side door lock switch.

When I ignored or adapted to those breakages, it got sulky and decided to drop the big one. Fortunately no flaming engine compartments or long distance blogtrips were involved, but it is sufficiently close to next month's blogmeet to make me wonder about whether or not somebody sprinkled me with some Bad Bad Juju after I made a crack about heisting his hound...

In the parlance of the Rolls Royce automotive wonks, the truck has "failed to proceed". Pressure may be applied to the accelerator, but forward motion only randomly occurs. The transmission has always had a hard bump in between 2nd and 3rd gear, but that hiccup has spread into other areas, it seems.

Normally, hanging out with the tranny crowd is good for collecting wild stories and pictures of questionable taste. In this morning's case, the tranny guys worked for AAMCO, and started off by quoting a $1200 minimum.

I've since spent most of the morning on the phone, seeking other options on The Man's time, and have realized that $1200 would be letting me off easy. And life never EVER lets me off easy.

Nope, it's easily $1800, and probably $2400 to get things set right. I knew I was fucked when one guy told me to sell the truck and look for something cheaper than the repair would cost. I won't be taking his advice, I've driven much more than my share of $500 cars. Also, the engine's in strong shape, and the body and interior are remarkably good for an 8 year old vehicle.

Needless to say, it's all I can do to avoid puking in the wastebasket behind my desk out of sheer horror and emotional distress. This makes Buy A Gun Day a complete write-off, and calls into question my ability to afford the Blogfest or the other trip in May that I had scheduled. Christ, I'll be back to eating ramen until July to get this paid for.

Forgive me if I fail to blog on schedule this week. With any luck I'll get through this without having to pawn my iMac...

Friday, April 06, 2007

Tres Dolores Y Envoltura De Los Pescado

Or, I Hate My Underwear.

Today, life kinda sucks.

I've had a headache since about 3 a.m. 2 XL Tylenol and 3 aspirins every 4 hours are keeping it knocked back enough to get through the day, but until my sinuses clear or this cold front passes through, it'll be here for a while.

My feet are killing me. I really need to get out of these broken-down shoes and into something with some arch support, but I'm worried about buying new shoes while my feets are swollen up. The sawbones says I can get off the Actos pills this summer if my blood sugar keeps dropping, but until I do, the feetses will continue to resemble little Goodyear Blimps.

And finally, my 'nads are tied in a knot. I hate these f#(%!^& skivvies.

So far I've avoided the "tugging and pulling" that so annoys our receptionist. I can usually get things back in order with a little hopping around and leg-shaking and let gravity do its thing. Having an office door that I can close is a big help in these matters. Now, I just need to remember to close my blinds...

I've already stated here on the blog that I'm a tighty-whitey man. Boxers just allow too much range of motion for my taste, and all that loose fabric usually ends up balled up in the asscrack, so I prefer the briefs for everyday wear.

The problem is, no one seems to make good briefs anymore. Fruit of the Loom used to, but now you can't get 'em in my size, unless you're a correctional facility and order them in quantities of 500 or more. Oh, yeah, and they're tighty-pinkies or tighty-olive drabbies.

I tried Munsingwear. That "kangaroo pouch" they use as a fly is worse than useless. The BVD brand skivvies I'm currently wearing are instruments of torture. Their fly design is this weird triangle-shaped opening that requires you to maneuver Mr. Happy through a diametrically opposed set of 120 degree angles to get "out the front door". As a result, the seams in the crotchable area are set in such a way that if you're sitting, you have a ligature separating the frank and the beans. When standing, the other seam comes into play, separating things vertically, and I'm not split that way on the front side.

I'm sure I'm like many guys out there when I just forego the fly and yank the bastards down, hoisting the drainpipe out over the elastic waistband. It's an inelegant solution to an everyday problem, and I want a new arrangement.

I think I've found it, too. It's time to bring back an old fashion style.

I want a got-damned codpiece.

Yup, a little hard-shell canoe strapped to my crotch, covering up Mr. Happy and his matched set of carry-on luggage. All my britches would have a big ol' hole cut in the crotch, and the hydraulics would dangle free until tucked up into the codpiece and strapped into place.

Oh, I'd update it for the times. Velcro and a metal button snap instead of leather or linen tie-strings. Kevlar and washable nylon instead of pressboard and velvet. Maybe one of those Airwick stick-ups inside just to keep things minty-fresh.

I'm telling you, the fashion possibilities are endless. You could put embroider racing stripes on the thing. Maybe flames or one of those warbird shark snouts.

I think I've got a winner, here, guys. Whaddya think?

Thursday, April 05, 2007

No, That's *NOT* Everything I've Read!

The Post Where My Head Asplodes

Hey, regarding that last book post, and the comments it's generating...

I've read many many many many MANY more books than are listed on that particular list.

If you insist on seeing a *partial* list, I can email you a copy of my Excel spreadsheet that's got my entire 3000+ volume library on it. I've gotten lazy about updating it, so it's missing everything I've bought in the last 2 years or so. It also doesn't list books I've borrowed from libraries or friends, just the ones I own.

So, for those who are concerned... ;-)

I've read everything by Robert Heinlein that's been published. Most of them I've reread numerous times.

I've read everything Robert Jordan (WOT) has written, except for his latest. Since he takes so gotdam long to crank out a new book, I'm debating how many volumes out of his 1st 10 I'm going to go back and re-read just to get in the mood to tackle Knife of Dreams. A paperback copy is sitting on top of my MacTV at the moment, and Rockhauler's hardback copy is on my subwoofer buried by 3 dozen other hardbacks, hence the need for the paperback copy.

Yes, I've read most of Asimov, Asprin, Bradbury, Bear, Bova, Brin, Cherryh, Clark, Dick, Dickson, Ellison, Farmer, Foster, Gibson, Lovecraft, McCaffrey, Martin, Niven, Norton, Robinson, Silverberg, Sturgeon, Varley, Verne and Wells.

That's just the science fiction... I won't even list the mysteries, the fantasy fiction, the spy novels, the war novels, the potboilers, the trashy fiction, the comic novels, the biographies, the cookery books, the acres and acres of non-fiction, the... the... the... I've sprung something loose here...

Look, you didn't think I'd acquired my unique rotundity by years of exercise and physical activity, did you? My favorite place to be is horizontal on a bed or a couch, fan blowing on me and a tall glass of iced tea within reach, and be about 1/3 of the way into a good book. I've probably spent 33 of my almost 39 years doing exactly that.

Your favorite author may not be one on that list, but it never hurts to ask! My email addy's on the sidebar!

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Pretensions At Literacy

Another Borrowed Blogpost Idea...

From Elisson comes the Great Big List o’ Literature meme!

Following Elisson's lead, if you want to play, boldface the titles that you’ve read.

I'm going to add a twist, though. I dislike this kind of list, because it doesn't take into account anything else you may have read by that author.

So, underneath each selection, add any additional titles you've read by the author listed. You can tell the ones on the list because they'll have the author's name in parentheses after the title, and the added books will not.

I've taken the liberty of grouping together books by the same author, where they previously had been scattered throughout the list. That's just sloppy listmaking, IMHO.

Oh, yeah... Seeing the movie or owning the Cliff's Notes DOES NOT COUNT!!!

Verstehen sie, mein herrings? Go to it!

The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)

Emma (Jane Austen)
Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
Sense and Sensibility

To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)

Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (J. R. R. Tolkien)
LOTR: The Two Towers (J. R. R. Tolkien)
LOTR: The Return of the King (J. R. R. Tolkien)
The Hobbit (J. R. R. Tolkien)
The Silmarillion
The Book Of Lost Tales Vols. 1 & 2
Unfinished Tales

Anne of Green Gables (L. M. Montgomery)

Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)

A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)

Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (J. K. Rowling)
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (J. K. Rowling)
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (J. K. Rowling)
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (J. K. Rowling)
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (J. K. Rowling)
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)
The World According To Garp (John Irving)
The Hotel New Hampshire

Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)

Fall on Your Knees (Ann-Marie MacDonald)

The Stand (Stephen King)
’Salem’s Lot
Night Shift
The Dead Zone
Different Seasons
Skeleton Crew
The Green Mile
Hearts in Atlantis
From a Buick 8

Jane Eyre (Charlotte Brontë)

The Catcher in the Rye (J. D. Salinger)

Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
Little Men

The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)

The Life of Pi (Yann Martel)

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
Life, the Universe and Everything
So Long, and Thanks For All the Fish
Mostly Harmless
Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency
The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul

Wuthering Heights (Emily Brontë)

The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)
Prince Caspian
The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
The Silver Chair
The Horse and His Boy
The Magician's Nephew
The Last Battle
Out of the Silent Planet
That Hideous Strength
The Screwtape Letters

East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
Of Mice And Men (John Steinbeck)
The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
The Red Pony
Tortilla Flat
The Grapes of Wrath
The Pearl
Cannery Row

Tuesdays with Morrie (Mitch Albom)

The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)

Dune (Frank Herbert)
Dune Messiah
Children of Dune
God Emperor of Dune
Heretics of Dune
Chapterhouse: Dune
The Dragon in the Sea
The Santaroga Barrier
The Dosadi Experiment
The Jesus Incident
The White Plague
The Lazarus Effect

The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)

Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
We the Living

1984 (George Orwell)
Animal Farm

The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)

The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
Eye of the Needle
The Key to Rebecca
On Wings of Eagles
Lie Down with Lions
Night Over Water

The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)

I Know This Much is True (Wally Lamb)

She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)

The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)

The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)

The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
The Valley of Horses
The Mammoth Hunters
The Plains of Passage
The Shelters of Stone

The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)

Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)

The Bible (OK, big chunks of it, anyway...)

Anna Karenina (Leo Tolstoy)

War and Peace (Leo Tolstoy)

The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
The Three Musketeers
Twenty Years After
The Vicomte of Bragelonne aka The Man In The Iron Mask

(If You've ever wondered why I tend to use la langue francaise on the blog frequently, blame Dumas. He wrote of La Belle France when it wasn't composed entirely of unwashed Commies and sullen poofters.)

Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)

The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)

A Tale of Two Cities (Charles Dickens)
Great Expectations (Charles Dickens)
Oliver Twist
Nicholas Nickleby
A Christmas Carol
David Copperfield

Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
Red Prophet
Alvin Journeyman

The Great Gatsby (F. Scott Fitzgerald)

The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)

The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)

The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)

The Time Traveler’s Wife (Audrey Niffenegger)

Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)

Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)
The Vampire Lestat
The Queen of the Damned
The Tale of the Body Thief
Memnoch the Devil
The Vampire Armand
The Witching Hour
The Mummy, or Ramses the Damned
Servant of the Bones

Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)

Love in the Time of Cholera (Gabriel Garcia Márquez)

One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (Ann Brashares)

Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)

Les Miserables (Victor Hugo)

The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)

Bridget Jones’s Diary (Helen Fielding)

Shogun (James Clavell)
King Rat
Noble House

The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)

In The Skin Of A Lion (Michael Ondaatje)

The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)

The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)

The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)

Charlotte’s Web (E. B. White)
Stuart Little
The Elements of Style

Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)

Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)

Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)

Watership Down (Richard Adams)

Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)

The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)

Blindness (Jose Saramago)

Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)

Lord of the Flies (William Golding)

The Good Earth (Pearl S. Buck)

The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)

The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
The Matarese Countdown
The Road to Omaha
The Bourne Ultimatum
The Bourne Supremacy
The Aquitaine Progression
The Parsifal Mosaic
The Matarese Circle
The Holcroft Covenant
The Chancellor Manuscript
The Gemini Contenders
The Road to Gandolfo
The Rhinemann Exchange
The Matlock Paper
The Osterman Weekend
The Scarlatti Inheritance

The Outsiders (S. E. Hinton)
That Was Then, This Is Now
Rumble Fish

White Oleander (Janet Fitch)

A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)

The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)

Ulysses (James Joyce)

Holy $hit.... can't believe that's all there is...

Now, to go see a movie.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

To Each His Own

Too Cute Not To Post!

Sometimes you pray that you can run a little faster.

Sometimes you pray that cats run a little slower...

All The Small Things

Random Bits Off The Crumbcake Of Life

I've got 6 or 7 different blogposts in various stages of edit, and I'm in no mood to complete any of them...

Therefore, here's some random thoughts and links.

'The Shield' starts its new season on FX tonight. Don't miss it!

General Francisco Franco is still dead.

Jack Black had no business being cast in The Holiday.

'Eragon' sucked. I *so* wanted to bitchslap that kid.

After watching 'Curse Of The Golden Flower', I've learned that if you find yourself the Emperor of China, and you have even the slightest bit of sex with a woman, just go ahead and kill her when you're finished. You'll save yourself 25 years of grief.

$2.67/gallon for unleaded times a 25 gallon tank = a $hitload of money.

Go pour yourself the beverage of your choice, then settle in to listen to this video by a guy named Evan Sayet entitled "How Modern Liberals Think" over at Anarchangel. Chris was nice enough to post the transcript as well, so you can read along instead of having to watch the guy's face for 20 minutes or so.

Seriously, it's an amazing speech, and comes the closest to a rational explanation of the Left's batshit crazy behaviour that I've heard in a long time. It's absolutely worth your time, and I'd love to see a leftist rebut any of the major points without using the word "Nazi" or "Halliburton".

Have you gotten your hotel for the Texas Blogfest yet?? Only 30 days until the event!! Details here!

Monday, April 02, 2007

Cranial Explosion Warning!!

Has Anyone Seen Large Chunks Of My Skull?

Via KDT comes this latest bit o' good cheer from the country now known as Mediocre Britain...

Be warned, this news story will cause you to cough up your skull* via your smaller nostril, then have it asplode via sheer disgustatory overload. No, I'm not sure "disgustatory" is a word, but it by God needs to be.

Here's a tidbit:
Schools are dropping the Holocaust from history lessons to avoid offending Muslim pupils, a Government backed study has revealed.

It found some teachers are reluctant to cover the atrocity for fear of upsetting students whose beliefs include Holocaust denial.
(sound of coughed up skull)

There is also resistance to tackling the 11th century Crusades - where Christians fought Muslim armies for control of Jerusalem - because lessons often contradict what is taught in local mosques.
(sound of sheer disgustatory overload asplosion)

The UK has been "done" for so long you can't even stick a fork in it anymore. There's not enough substance to hold the tines up.

*Coughed-up skull meme courtesy of Dilbert.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Major Announcement

Extra, Extra, Read All About It, Yadda, Yadda, Yadda...

After giving it much thought, I've decided to move to France and become the new Sun King. I'll also be switching sexual orientations and becoming as gay as a tree full of parrots. In addition, I'll be having goat glands implanted in my extremities, just for those festive occasions.

I'll spend my day wandering the Rive Gauche, spraying Lysol everywhere in a futile effort to reduce the overpowering piss aroma. Evenings will be spent taunting tourists at the Louvre, and then I'll cap off my evening with some creative onanism under the Arc de Triomphe.

Life will be sweet. It's good to be King. Vive le Roi!

OK, maybe not. Happy April Fool's Day, y'all.